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1

Love Letters

from a

Teen Heartthrob

by Q.T. Valentine

Copyright 2012 – 2014 Q. T. Valentine

Thank you for downloading this ebook. You are welcome to share

it with your friends. This book may be reproduced, copied and

distributed for non-commercial purposes provided the book

remains in its complete, original form. Thank you for your support.

2

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: The September Chapter

Chapter 2: The October Chapter

Chapter 3: The November Chapter

Chapter 4: The December Chapter

Chapter 5: The January Chapter

Chapter 6: The February Chapter

Chapter 7: The March Chapter

Chapter 8: The April Chapter

Chapter 9: The May Chapter

Chapter 10: The June Chapter

About the Author

3

Introduction

If there is one thing that every teen in America can relate to it’s

having a high school crush. Although most teens are quickly

characterized as caring mostly about themselves first, there is

always that one exception to the rule where they care more about

the classmate at school they have a crush on. But not every teen

knows how to court their crush with the right smoothness or charm

and some teens never experience the joys of being courted by

that one, gorgeous teen heartthrob they secretly yearn to be close

to.

“Love Letters from a Teen Heartthrob” by Q. T. Valentine is

a col ection of letters that every young lady wishes she could get

from the guy she sees as the ultimate teen heartthrob at her

school and every young man wishes he could write to win over the

lady love of his young teenaged life.

The letters include a special mix of creativity, an

appropriate sense of humor (including clean humor; nothing

offensive), compassion, sensitivity, respect, and confidence. He

takes things at the pace most girls are most comfortable with:

slow but intriguingly charming. This is the best recipe for both

happiness and success as a couple – whether young or old.

For every young woman that wished she could get letters

like this and for every guy that ever wished he could be a bit

smoother with the ladies, this is for you. And for those women and

men that are looking for a trip down memory lane back into the

teen years you’l enjoy this col ection of love letters written by one

young man to one young woman. What kinds of teens are writing

these letters? It’s the rare young man that every young woman

secretly dreams of and that every parent wishes for their daughter.

4

I could have written this as a mutual correspondence

between two young lovers as other books have done but instead I

chose to write it as if he, your very own teen heartthrob, were

writing only to you the reader.

“Love Letters from a Teen Heartthrob” is the story, written

in the style of letters to you that begin as a friendly

correspondence by a young man you know at school that most

other girls have a crush on – including you. Yet interestingly

enough, in addition to the friendly letters you receive from the

handsome classmate you already know, you are also receiving

different letters, love notes in your locker that are mysteriously

signed “Love, Your Secret Admirer.” Try as you may, learning who

your Secret Admirer is does not come easy.

Could this mean that there are two young men at your

school that have a crush on you? Is your guy friend that writes you

nothing more than a guy friend? Or is your handsome letter-

writing friend who you know wel posing as your more romantic

Secret Admirer who is secretly attracted to you but is too afraid to

tel you for fear you may reject him?

If you’re a young lady that wants to cozy up to the idea of

what a good heartthrob might be for you without the problems that

can come in a relationship then read on, enjoy, sit back, and relax

as you read these letters as if they were just for you. And if you’re

a guy that’s never known what to write a girl that you really like

then this book is filled with great examples of how to treat a young

lady with the kind of word and deed fondness and respect nearly

every girl privately desires in her heart.

Regardless of previous ideas you may have had about the

seemingly perfect ways of super attractive teens, you’ll see that

even seemingly confident and popular heartthrobs get nervous

5

sometimes and have a few things to overcome inside before they

can let loose and say how they real y feel to someone they have a

crush on…especial y when that crush might just be you.

6

CHAPTER 1: THE SEPTEMBER CHAPTER

SEPTEMBER 12

YOU:

HEY! WHAT’S UP? HERE I AM IN OUR ENGLISH

CLASS JUST WRITING YOU A QUICK NOTE AND

ALREADY I HAVE WRITER’S BLOCK. I GUESS

THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS TO SOMEONE LIKE ME

THAT’S TRYING TO WRITE SOMEONE LIKE YOU.

WELL, ANYHOO… I THOUGHT I’D BREAK THE ICE

AND SAY “HI” AND TELL YOU ALSO THAT THERE IS

SNOW IN ALASKA. BUT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY

KNOW THAT. (GIRLS ARE SMARTER THAN US GUYS

THAT WAY.) IN FACT, YOU PROBABLY LEARNED

THAT YEARS BEFORE I DID. BUT THAT’S NOT WHY

I’M WRITING YOU.

RUMOR HAS IT THAT I’VE BROKEN UP WITH MY

LAST SO-CALLED STEADY GIRLFRIEND AND THAT

I’M INTERESTED IN SOMEONE ELSE THAT YOU AND

YOUR FRIENDS ARE TRYING TO FIND OUT ABOUT.

SO ALLOW ME TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT.

FIRST, I NEVER HAD A “STEADY” GIRLFRIEND.

I’VE JUST LIKED DIFFERENT GIRLS AND

7

SOMETIMES PEOPLE SAY THINGS THAT AREN’T

TRUE. (SURPRISE, SURPRISE, RIGHT? WE’RE IN

HIGH SCHOOL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. RUMORS

HAPPEN.)

SECONDLY, WHEN I’M INTERESTED IN SOMEONE

ELSE, DEPENDING UPON HOW NERVOUS I AM

ABOUT IT ALL, I MAY OR MAY NOT TELL YOU.

AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, I’M NOT TEXTING YOU

BECAUSE I DON’T GIVE OUT MY CELL PHONE

NUMBER TO MOST PEOPLE. MY OLDER BROTHER

GOT BULLIED ALL THE TIME AND SO MY FAMILY

BEGAN A NEW RULE THAT NONE OF US CAN HAVE

CELL PHONES THAT ARE FOR ANYTHING OTHER

THAN AN EMERGENCY.

YOU KNOW THOSE CHEAP DORKY PHONES THAT

COME WITH A SUPER SMALL SCREEN AND GET

LOUSY INTERNET SERVICE? THAT’S WHAT I’VE

GOT. SO THE OLD SCHOOL NOTE WRITING IS

WHAT I DO FROM TIME TO TIME INSTEAD OF

TEXTING OR E-MAILING FRIENDS.

ONCE I’M NINETEEN, THEN I CAN GET MY OWN

PHONE AND MY OWN SERVICE. SINCE I TURNED

EIGHTEEN RECENTLY, THAT'S NOT TOO LONG TO

WAIT.

PERSONALLY, I DON’T MIND BECAUSE AS LONG

AS STUPID PEOPLE WILL ABUSE OTHER PEOPLE’S

PHONE NUMBERS AND E-MAILS BY GIVING THEM

8

CRAP MESSAGES THAT TRASH THEIR SELF-

ESTEEM THEN I DON’T NEED TO HEAR FROM

THOSE PEOPLE ANYWAY.

SO IF YOU’RE COOL WITH ME GIVING YOU NOTES

FROM TIME TO TIME, JUST LET ME KNOW AND I’LL

WRITE YOU AGAIN SOMETIME.

HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY!

LATER!

ME

P. S. I DID NOT EDIT OR PROOFREAD THIS

NOTE. I DON’T PLAN ON DOING THAT WITH ANY

OTHERS EITHER. I ’M A HIGHSCHOOL STUDENT

AND NOT A TYPICAL EDITOR THAT CARES MORE

ABOUT GRAMMAR AND TYPOS INSTEAD OF

PRINCIPLES. (HOWEVER, I THINK MY HIGH HORSE

IS NOW THROWING ME OFF.)

9

SEPTEMBER 17

YOU:

YOU SAID YOU WERE COOL WITH NOTES AND

YOU’D LIKE ANOTHER ONE SO HERE IT IS.

OK. GOT TO GO NOW.

JUST KIDDING. SO WHAT’S UP? DID YOU HEAR

ABOUT THAT KID (A. H.) THAT CUSSED OUT THAT

TEACHER AT LUNCH YESTERDAY? WHAT A DORK!

PERSONALLY, I TRY NOT TO EVER CUSS. SO

WHEN I HEARD HE GOT IN TROUBLE FOR CUSSING

AT A TEACHER, I WAS IN SHOCK.

OH, BY THE WAY. . . FOR PRIVACY IN CASE

SOMEONE ELSE EVER FINDS ANY OF THESE

NOTES, WHEN I WRITE ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE

THAT WE BOTH KNOW OF, INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY

WRITING OUT THEIR NAME I’LL JUST USE THEIR

INITIALS. I FIGURE IF MAYBE I HAVE SOME INFO

WRONG THEN THE LEAST I CAN DO IS PROTECT

THE REPUTATION OF WHOMEVER IT IS I’M

WRITING ABOUT. I THINK THAT’S THE DECENT

THING TO DO UNTIL FACTS ARE. . . LIKE. . .

CONFIRMED.

YOU ASKED ME ABOUT MY HANDWRITING. YES,

SOME SAY I HAVE NEAT HANDWRITING. ALL I CAN

10

SAY IS THAT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU

ENJOY DRAWING IN YOUR SPARE TIME. (YES, I’M

GOOD WITH EITHER A PEN OR PENCIL.)

I’M NOT A WOMEN’S FASHION EXPERT BUT I

REALLY LIKE WHAT YOU’RE WEARING TODAY. YOU

LOOK REALLY GOOD (JUST IN CASE YOU WERE

WONDERING. NOT THAT YOU WERE OR ANYTHING).

I MENTION THAT BECAUSE SOME GIRLS LOOK

TOO. . . OH WHAT’S THE WORD I’M LOOKING

FOR? . . . SLUTTY. IT’S NOT THE NICEST WORD

BUT IT BUGS ME WHEN GIRLS LOOK LIKE EVERY

OTHER GIRL OUT THERE THAT THINKS THAT

SHOWING SKIN IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET A GUY.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, I WISH MORE GIRLS

DRESSED MORE MODESTLY AND WITH GOOD

TASTE LIKE YOU DO. YOUR SHORTS ARE ALWAYS

AT LEAST KNEE LENGTH, YOU NEVER WEAR MID-

DRIFT TOPS AND YOUR SLEEVES COVER AT LEAST

PART OF YOUR SHOULDER. SPAGHETTI STRAP

TOPS OR STRAPLESS TOPS ARE JUST TOO SLEAZY

LOOKING. GIRLS THAT WEAR LOW CUT, CLEAVAGE

REVEALING TOPS MAY AS WELL HAVE A SIGN ON

THEM THAT SAYS “WILLING TO GET OR GIVE ANY

S.T.I AVAILABLE”.

I'M SOOO GLAD YOU'RE NOT LIKE SO MANY GIRLS

OUT THERE THAT DRESS SO CHEAPLY REGARDING

MORALS. THAT MEANS YOU'RE NOT LIKELY TO GET

COSMETIC BREASTS EITHER. THANK GOODNESS

TOO SINCE I PREFER AUTHENTICITY IN A WOMAN.

11

IT'S SO STUPID, IN MY OPINION, TO GO INTO

DEBT OR PAY TO LOOK FAKE. GIVE ME A BREAK!

SO ANYHOO . . . YOU LOOK GOOD TODAY. AND

YES, SOMETIMES I REPEAT MYSELF LIKE WHEN I

SAY THINGS LIKE “YOU LOOK GOOD TODAY” AND

I MENTION IT MORE THAN ONCE. SO NOW YOU

KNOW THAT SOMETIMES I REPEAT MYSELF. DID I

ALREADY TELL YOU THAT SOMETIMES I REPEAT

MYSELF? JUST KIDDING.

WELL, I’LL END THIS NOTE BEFORE YOU CRY IN

BOREDOM.

AND BY THE WAY. . . IF YOU LEARNED WHEN YOU

WERE THREE THAT ALASKA HAS SNOW THEN

THAT’S ONLY ABOUT TEN YEARS EARLIER THAN I

DID. SO I’M NOT TOO FAR BEHIND YOU ON THAT

ONE. (HA) AND NO, I’M NOT ENVIOUS AT ALL

OVER THE FACT THAT YOU TAKE MORE HONORS

CLASSES THAN I DO (WHICH IS A LOT SINCE I’M

NOT IN ANY AT ALL). BUT IF YOU THINK YOU’RE

SMARTER THAN ME THEN JUST KNOW THAT YOU

CAN’T FOOL ME. . . BECAUSE I’M ONTO YOU.

(OBVIOUSLY YOU’RE SMARTER.)

AND SOMETHING YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND

ABOUT GETTING TO KNOW ME: ONE BENEFIT OF

DOING SO IS THAT YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY

THAT YOU AND I WILL SHOW UP WEARING THE

EXACT SAME OUTFIT TO SCHOOL ON THE SAME

12

DAY. (AND IF THAT EVER DID HAPPEN THEN I

GUESS I CAN JUST HOPE I LOOK GOOD IN A

LADIES OUTFIT BECAUSE MY MIND WILL

OBVIOUSLY BE ELSEWHERE . . . AS IN GONE . . .

WAAAAAY GONE. THIS MAY ALREADY BE WHAT

YOU THINK OF ME WITH THESE NOTES. OH WELL.)

SEE YOU LATER!

ME

13

[First anonymous note you find in your locker.

It’s typed so it doesn’t match any handwriting so

it will take longer for you to figure out who these

secret love letters are from.]

September 24

Did you know that I love to drive? I absolutely

love driving! I love the feel of sitting behind the

wheel and handling the curves of the road like a

master artisan. I love the sounds of my favorite

tunes blasting away in stereo in my ears.

I love going with my Dad every year to get a new car

to replace his old one because not only do I

absolutely love that new car smell but also

because there’s a good chance he’ll let me drive

it once or twice. (In fact, he said recently that

since I’ve got my license that he might just let

me take his car on a date instead of just for

occasional trips to the grocery store. Sweet!)

But I’d trade a great drive on a day with perfect

weather just to be in one of our classes being

lectured by one of our teachers simply because,

although I wouldn’t be in bliss behind the wheel,

I’d be in bliss sitting near you.

Love,

14

Your Secret Admirer

Come with me and I’ll show you night skies of

Stars that grow the reddest roses

Their long stems of light

Dipping their fragrant petals

That bloom and grow

Into earth’s gravity they gently flow

While spilling earthbound bulbs of fire into the

night…

15

SEPTEMBER 25

YOU:

YOU ASKED ME IF I COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE IN

THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD I WANT TO GO. WELL,

OTHER THAN TO YOUR HOUSE (JUST KIDDING . . .

SORT OF . . . DO YOU HAVE ANY LIVERWURST IN

YOUR HOME? BECAUSE IF YOU DO THAT’S A

GREAT WAY TO KEEP ME FROM EVER VISITING.

EXPERTS CONCLUDE THAT LIVERWURST IS A

NATURAL REPELLANT. I KNOW BECAUSE I’M THE

EXPERT THAT WROTE THE REPORT ON IT). I WOULD

LIKE TO TAKE A ROAD TRIP RIGHT HERE ACROSS

THE UNITED STATES. I THINK AMERICA IS GREAT!

DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?

IT’S NOT THAT I DON’T LIKE ANY OTHER COUNTRY,

THAT’S NOT IT. BUT I WILL SAY THAT

UNDERSTANDING U.S. HISTORY AS I DO, AND

KNOWING HOW COMMON IT IS FOR THE VAST

MAJORITY OF OTHER COUNTRIES TO RULE IN

TYRANNY AND DICTATORSHIPS OVER THEIR

PEOPLE, USING AND ABUSING THEIR OWN PEOPLE

AS SLAVES, WHY WOULD I EVER WANT TO VISIT

ANYWHERE ELSE? JUST THE IDEA OF VISITING A

GROUP OF PEOPLE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY THAT

ARE LIVING IN MISERY AND MY NOT BEING ABLE

TO DO ANYTHING TO STOP IT WOULD MAKE ME

SICK TO MY STOMACH.

16

I CARE A LOT ABOUT HOW INNOCENT PEOPLE ARE

TREATED OR MISTREATED. I GUESS I’M A SOFTIE

AT HEART THAT WAY. AND IF SOME PEOPLE DON’T

THINK THAT’S VERY “MANLY” THEN OH WELL. I’M

ONLY EIGHTTEEN AND I MAY NOT BE AN OLDER

“MAN” YET BUT I KNOW THAT THE WORLD’S

DEFINITION OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN AND

WHAT MY DEFINITION IS ARE TWO DIFFERENT

THINGS. I’D LIKE TO THINK THAT MY DEFINITION

OF WHAT A “REAL MAN” IS IS MORE IN

ALIGNMENT WITH GOD’S DEFINITION. AND I

BELIEVE GOD LOVES EVERYBODY . . . EVEN IF

SOME OF US SHOW UP AT SCHOOL DRESSED IN

THE SAME OUTFIT AS AN OPPOSITE SEX FRIEND.

BY THE WAY, HOW OLD ARE YOU? ARE YOU THE

SAME AGE AS ME? I ASSUME YOU ARE SINCE

WE’RE BOTH SENIORS. JUST WONDERING.

BUT BACK TO TRAVELING. SO YOU SAID YOU’D

LIKE TO VISIT “THE MEN’S RESTROOM WHEN NO

ONE IS IN IT” SO YOU COULD TAKE DIRT SAMPLES

FOR YOUR BIOLOGY PROJECT. AND WHAT MAKES

YOU THINK THAT THE LADIES ROOM IS CLEANER

THAN THE MEN’S ROOM. . .OTHER THAN THE

FACT THAT IT’S TRUE? (AND AS GROSS AS THAT

IMAGE IS IN MY MIND – HAVING FREQUENTED THE

MEN’S ROOM MYSELF MANY TIMES IN MY YOUNG

LIFE – AMAZINGLY, I STILL LIKE YOU.)

SO BESIDES AN EMPTY MEN’S ROOM, WHERE

17

WOULD YOU REALLY LIKE TO VISIT? LET ME KNOW.

IF MY NOTE TODAY IS EXTRA WEIRD IT’S ONLY

BECAUSE I’M HIGH FROM THE PAINT FUMES AT

OUR HOUSE. MY MOM IS HAVING THE ENTRY WAY

AND A FEW OTHER ROOMS PAINTED TODAY AND

THE PAINTER SHOWED UP EARLY. WE HIRED A

BLIND PAINTER BUT HE DOES A GREAT JOB.

LATER!

ME

P.S. YOU SAID YOU LIKE PUMPKIN. MY MOM

MAKES GREAT PUMPKIN PANCAKES WITH THIS

AMAZING SIDE FROSTING. IF I LEARN TO MAKE

THEM SOON AND I BROUGHT SOME TO LUNCH,

WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY SOME?

18

CHAPTER 2: THE OCTOBER CHAPTER

OCTOBER 4

YOU:

PLEASE STOP LAUGHING OVER THE PAINTER

COMMENT. WHEN MY DAD SAID THE GUY WAS A

BLAND PAINTER, I MISUNDERSTOOD AND

THOUGHT HE SAID HE WAS BLIND. OBVIOUSLY

THAT WAS A MISTAKE ON MY PART BUT MUST

YOU KEEP TEASING ME ABOUT IT? LET IT GO!

YES, I ASKED THE FRONT OFFICE AND THEY SAID

THAT THERE ARE NO RE-DOS FOR STUDENT

PICTURES. I’M NOT SURE WHY YOU WOULD BE SO

SHY ABOUT ASKING THEM YOURSELF BUT THAT’S

OKAY.

YOU REALLY SHOULDN’T WORRY ABOUT YOUR

PICTURE BECAUSE I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT.

REALLY. THE ONLY REASON I BROUGHT MY

CAMERA YESTERDAY AND TOOK A PICTURE OF

YOU WAS BECAUSE I WANTED A PICTURE OF YOU.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHETHER THE

SCHOOL PICTURE OF YOU IS GOOD ENOUGH.

THE FACT IS, I WANTED MORE THAN ONE PICTURE

OF YOU AND I MAY JUST TAKE ANOTHER ONE OF

19

YOU SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE SO I HOPE

YOU’RE NOT TOO CAMERA SHY. AND IF YOU ARE

OR IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO TAKE YOUR

PICTURE THEN I’LL RESPECT THAT AND I WON’T

TAKE YOUR PICTURE. SO DON’T WORRY ABOUT

YOUR SCHOOL PICTURE.

I WOULD PROVE TO YOU THAT I LIKE IT ENOUGH

BY BLOWING IT UP INTO A SIX FOOT BY FIVE FOOT

POSTER FOR MY BEDROOM WALL AT HOME BUT

THEN PEOPLE WOULD LOOK AT ME STRANGE

WONDERING WHY I’M BLOWING UP A PICTURE OF

YOU THAT APPARENTLY YOU YOURSELF ARE NOT

VERY FOND OF.

HERE’S AN IDEA. I’LL GO HOME TODAY AND HAVE

MY YOUNGER BROTHER TAKE A BUNCH OF NERDY

PICTURES OF ME AND THEN I’LL BRING THEM TO

SCHOOL JUST FOR YOU. WOULD THAT MAKE YOU

FEEL BETTER? LOOK, ALL OF US AT SOME POINT

IN OUR LIVES HAVE A LOUSY PICTURE TAKEN OF

US. SOMETIMES IT’S JUST OUR OPINION THAT

IT’S LOUSY AND THEN AT OTHER TIMES IT REALLY

IS LOUSY. IN FACT, I KNOW A PICTURE THAT I CAN

ALREADY SHOW YOU. IT’S OF ME SNEEZING OUT

A MOUTHFUL OF MASHED POTATOES LAST YEAR

AT THANKSGIVING. YOU’LL LOVE IT. A

FLATTERING PHOTO IT IS NOT.

SO YES, THE GUY THAT HAS RUMORS OF A NEW

GIRLFRIEND EVERY WEEK, THE GUY THAT WAS

VOTED THE BIGGEST TEEN HEARTTHROB IN BOTH

20

SOPHOMORE AND JUNIOR YEARS BY HIS PEERS

AND THE SAME GUY THAT COMES FROM A RICH

AND SEEMINGLY PERFECT FAMILY IS THE SAME

GUY THAT WITH THE RIGHT TIMING AND

CIRCUMSTANCES CAN BE SEEN AS A TOTAL DORK

IN A FAMILY PHOTO FROM THANKSGIVING. THAT’S

ME.

SEE YOU AT LUNCH! (YES, THE GREAT PUMPKIN

PANCAKES ARE HERE!)

ME

21

[Second anonymous note you find in your

locker. Again, it’s typed so it doesn’t match any

handwriting so it will take longer for you to figure

out who these secret love letters are from.]

October 7

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Sometimes my poetry stinks

Like the inside of a large, sweaty, princess pink

glitter, male pro-wrestler’s shoe.

So let’s skip the poetry and let me tell you

something new. When I saw you walking down

the hall towards me the other day, the whole

world seemed to slow down and I wondered if

my heart would stop.

You are so breathtakingly beautiful sometimes I think

school attendance is hazardous to my health. But as

long as you keep going to school I don’t think even

near fatal pneumonia could keep me from showing

up just to see you. (Although I am tempted to create

a sticker for you to put on your forehead that acts

as a Surgeon General’s warning that long gazes

upon you may be hazardous to my health and

everyone else’s health too because I can’t

imagine that I’m the only one here at school that

22

feels this way about you.)

So the next time you see anyone gazing a bit

longer at you than might be normal, you may

want to go easy on us as we are simply

mesmerized by your sheer attractiveness.

Love,

Your Secret Admirer

23

OCTOBER 10

YOU:

YOUR FRIEND, G. A., CALLED ME LAST NIGHT, AS

YOU MAY HAVE HEARD. SHE IS A VERY

INTERESTING CONVERSATIONALIST. DID YOU

KNOW THAT SHE CAN MAKE TWENTY-THREE

DIFFERENT VARIETIES OF PIGLET SHAPED ANIMAL

BALLOONS? IT WAS NEWS TO ME THAT THERE

WAS MORE THAN ONE WAY TO MAKE ONE. VERY

INTERESTING . . .

I’M NOT TRYING TO INSULT YOUR FRIEND. I JUST

DIDN’T KNOW THAT SOMEONE COULD BE SO

INTERESTED IN TELLING SOMEONE ELSE ABOUT

SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS TO TIE ANIMAL

BALLOONS. AND IN CASE YOU’RE EVER

WONDERING, NO, I DON’T THINK I’D BE

INTERESTED IN DATING SOMEONE LIKE HER

ANYTIME SOON. NOT THAT YOU WERE

WONDERING.

OR MAYBE I SHOULD PUT THIS ANOTHER WAY. IF

YOU EVER GET THE IDEA FROM HER THAT SHE

LIKES ME, OR IF ANYONE SPREADS A RUMOR

THAT SHE AND I ARE DATING, TRY AND LET HER

DOWN EASY BECAUSE I’M NOT SURE I WOULD

GET THE CHANCE TO IF SHE GETS A SECOND

WIND OF TELLING ME ABOUT HOW MANY WAYS

SHE CAN MAKE A NEW VARIETY OF ANIMAL

24

BALLOONS.

I REALLY DON’T MEAN TO BE CRUEL. I’M JUST

NOT SURE WHAT RUMORS WILL FLY SINCE I SEEM

TO ATTRACT THEM WITH EVERY NEW GIRL THAT

COMES INTO MY LIFE. SOMETIMES I JUST WISH

PEOPLE WOULD BE MORE INTERESTED IN THEIR

OWN LOVE LIVES THAN SO FOCUSED ON MINE

(OR THE ACTUAL LACK THEREOF).

SPEAKING OF LOVE LIVES, ARE YOU INTERESTED

IN ANYONE? JUST WONDERING.

SEE YOU SOON!

ME

25

OCTOBER 21

YOU:

LAST NIGHT P. J. AND I SPOKE ON THE PHONE.

SHE TOLD ME THAT ONCE SEVERAL YEARS BACK

THAT YOU GUYS WERE HANGING OVER AT YOUR

HOUSE AND THAT YOUR MOM FREAKED OUT

WHEN YOU GUYS WERE GETTING A SNACK IN THE

KITCHEN. YOU WERE JUST GETTING A PIECE OF

CHEESE AND YOUR MOM YELLED NOT TO EAT IT

BECAUSE YOU WERE “GOING TO GET FAT.” OKAY.

EVEN THOUGH I’VE NEVER MET YOUR MOM

BEFORE, ALTHOUGH I DON’T MEAN TO

DISRESPECT YOUR MOM, THAT TICKS ME OFF

FOR TWO REASONS.

FIRST, YOU’RE NOT FAT. I KNOW YOU SAY YOU’RE

NOT THIN AND I’M GLAD YOU’RE NOT SOME TWIG

BECAUSE FRANKLY I WOULDN’T WANT TO HANG

OUT WITH A GIRL THAT MIGHT BREAK IN TWO IF

WE WERE RIDING BIKES TOGETHER AND FOR

WHATEVER REASON SHE FELL OFF.

AS STRANGE AS THIS MAY SEEM, I’D MUCH

RATHER HAVE A GIRLFRIEND THAT MIGHT NEED TO

LOSE SOME WEIGHT THAN A PENCIL THIN TWIG.

(AND I KNOW THAT WE’RE NOT DATING BUT I’M

JUST SAYING WHAT I PREFER IF THE TRUTH BE

KNOWN.) SO DON’T LISTEN TO ANYONE THAT

TELLS YOU THAT YOU’RE FAT BECAUSE YOU’RE

26

NOT. YOU PROBABLY HAVE A HEALTHY WEIGHT

AND THAT'S ATTRACTIVE.

I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT JUST AS YOU ARE. AND

THOSE STUPID WOMEN’S FASHION MAGAZINES

THAT INSIST THAT EVERY WOMAN ABSOLUTELY

MUST BE ABLE TO FIT UNDERNEATH A DOOR IN

THE EVENT OF A FIRE TO SAFELY ESCAPE IS JUST

NONSENSE. I’M EXAGGERATING ABOUT THE

ABILITY TO FIT UNDERNEATH A DOOR BUT YOU

GET WHAT I MEAN.

SECONDLY, P. J. ISN’T EXACTLY THIN SO I THINK

THAT’S A BIT RUDE OF YOUR MOM TO MAKE P. J.

FEEL FAT LIKE THAT. WHO KNOWS WHY P. J.

STRUGGLES WITH HER WEIGHT LIKE SHE DOES

BUT SHE SHOULDN’T BE MADE TO FEEL LIKE

SHE’S AN OUTCAST OR SOMEONE TO AVOID

LOOKING LIKE BECAUSE HER WEIGHT IS NOT THE

ONLY THING THAT MAKES HER WHO SHE IS.

YOU’VE HEARD ME SAY IT BEFORE. I THINK P. J.

IS SUPER PRETTY EVEN THOUGH SHE’S HEAVIER

THAN MOST SENIOR GIRLS. IF I COULD EVER TAKE

HER OUT ON A DATE I PROBABLY WOULD. SHE’S

VERY PRETTY EVEN IF SHE HAS AN IMPERFECT

BODY THAT THE WORLD SAYS SHOULD BE

DISGUSTING. I LIKE HER AND I’M SHOCKED THAT

YOUR MOM WOULD BE SO RUDE TO A GUEST IN

YOUR HOME AND VERY LIKELY CAUSE YOU TO

FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AS WELL.

27

NOW THAT I’VE SAID THAT, I DON’T FEEL THE

FACT THAT I SHARED PART OF OUR

CONVERSATION LAST NIGHT WITH YOU THAT THIS

MAKES THIS GOSSIP. TO ME, GOSSIP IS TO TALK

ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE’S PROBLEMS WITHOUT

ANY INTENTIONS OF HELPING TO SOLVE THEM BUT

TO TALK ABOUT THEM FOR ENTERTAINMENT

PURPOSES OR TO CAUSE ONESELF TO FEEL

BETTER THAN THE ONE BEING TALKED ABOUT

(SUCH AS JUST FOR EGO OR PRIDE).

I’VE TOLD YOU WHAT I HEARD SO THAT YOU

KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT WHEN PEOPLE CALL

SOMEONE ELSE FAT AND I THINK THAT YOU ARE

NOT FAT AND THAT IT’S WRONG FOR SOMEONE

TO CALL SOMEONE ELSE FAT – EVEN WHEN IT’S

TRUE.

SO I’M A BIT STEAMED OVER THAT

CONVERSATION LAST NIGHT AND AGAIN I HOPE

YOU UNDERSTAND I’M NOT TRYING TO BE

DISRESPECTFUL OF YOUR MOM.

MAYBE THE GUY THAT FALLS IN LOVE WITH YOU

AND WANTS TO SOMEDAY MARRY YOU SHOULD

BE ADVISED TO ELOPE WITH YOU TO AVOID

HEARING YOUR MOM FREAK OUT OVER THE

WEDDING CAKE THAT MIGHT MAKE SOMEONE FAT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ELOPING?

ME

28

P.S. DON’T GET ME WRONG, BUT THAT WAS NOT

A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL JUST NOW.

29

OCTOBER 30

YOU:

IT’S BEEN OVER A WEEK AND YOU CAN’T LET THAT

QUESTION ABOUT ELOPING GO. I’M NOT TRYING

TO SAY THAT I DON’T WANT A MOTHER-IN-LAW.

THAT’S NOT WHAT I WAS SAYING.

I KNOW YOU’RE HALF-TEASING ABOUT IT BUT

REALLY, YOUR MOM AND I HAVE NOT GOTTEN OFF

TO A VERY GOOD START SO FAR AND I HAVEN’T

EVEN MET HER YET. NOT THAT WE’RE DATING

BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY WE’RE NOT. AND THE

ELOPING THING WAS SIMPLY A QUESTION FOR

YOU TO CONSIDER FOR WHOMEVER YOU MARRY

– I NEVER SAID THAT I WANTED TO ELOPE WITH

YOU. BUT BOY, IF THERE WAS EVER A WAY TO

GUARANTEE THAT I WOULD NEVER GET INVITED TO

YOUR HOME OR WOULD NEVER BE WELCOMED BY

YOUR PARENTS, JUST TELL THEM I ASKED YOU

ABOUT ELOPING.

YOUR DAD DOESN’T HAVE A GUN DOES HE? I’M

JUST TRYING TO STAY SAFE.

ANYHOO . . .CAN WE DROP THE ELOPING BIT FOR

NOW?

SO YOU SAID J WAS WONDERING ABOUT HOW A

GUY LETS A GIRL KNOW IF HE LIKES HER OR NOT.

30

THEN YOU ASKED ME HOW I LET A GIRL KNOW I

LIKE HER OR NOT. GUYS ARE DIFFERENT IN A LOT

OF WAYS BUT WE ALL HAVE THE SAME INTEREST:

GIRLS (UNLESS A GUY IS GAY AND THEN HE LIKES

GUYS. SO FAR THERE HAVE ONLY BEEN TWO

GUYS THAT HAVE EVER LIKED ME. ONE OF THEM

IS A GOOD FRIEND NOW SINCE HE KNOWS I’M

STRAIGHT AND HE RESPECTS THAT).

SOME OF US ARE “FAST” WITH A USE-THEM-AND-

ABUSE-THEM-AND-THEN-DUMP-EM-TO-LOSE-THEM

MENTALITY WHERE BASICALLY ALL WE’RE DOING IS

SMOOTH TALKING A GIRL TO GET HER TO HAVE

SEX WITH US AND THEN WE’RE DONE WITH HER

AND READY TO FIND A NEW GIRL TO DO IT TO ALL

OVER AGAIN.

JERKS LIKE THAT ARE A DEAD GIVEAWAY BECAUSE

THEY’LL GIVE UP AND STOP FAKING THEIR

INSINCERE FLATTERY AND SMOOTH TALKING TO

MOVE ONTO ANOTHER GIRL ONCE HE’S HEARD

NO FROM HER ABOUT SEX A FEW TIMES (UNLESS

HE’S A BIGGER JERK THAT DATE RAPES). BUT

GUYS LIKE ME TEND TO TAKE THINGS SLOW (WE

DON’T PUSH FOR SEX WITH A YOUNG LADY

BEFORE MARRIAGE) WHEN WE REALLY LIKE

SOMEONE.

THE BEST WAY TO KNOW IF A GUY IS REALLY IN

LOVE IS BY HOW NERVOUS SHE MAKES HIM

WHENEVER SHE’S AROUND. THE MORE NERVOUS

WE ARE WHEN WE’RE NEAR A GIRL WE LIKE OR

WHEN WE’RE ON THE PHONE WITH HER THEN THE

31

MORE WE LIKE HER. BUT SOME OF US ARE

BETTER AT HIDING OUR NERVES THAN OTHERS.

(HINT)

MOST GUYS AREN’T AS CHATTY AS I AM WHICH

MAY BE WHY MOST GUYS DON’T WRITE NOTES.

(GENERALLY SPEAKING, GUYS THAT LIKE TO TALK

WILL ALSO LIKE TO WRITE.) I BRING THIS UP

BECAUSE IF A GUY IS MORE TALKATIVE THEN HE’S

MORE LIKELY TO SHOW HIS NERVOUSNESS BY

TALKING ABOUT MINDLESS STUFF OR SILLY STUFF

OR MAYBE HE TALKS REALLY FAST TO A GIRL HE

LIKES. GUYS THAT ARE QUIETER OR LESS

TALKATIVE MIGHT BE EVEN MORE QUIET AROUND

A GIRL THEY REALLY LIKE.

AND THOSE OF US THAT ARE REALLY SERIOUS

ABOUT A GIRL WILL START THINKING ABOUT

COLLEGE AND WHAT IT WILL TAKE TO ADEQUATELY

PROVIDE FOR A GORGEOUS WIFE THAT MAY HAVE

A REASONABLY DIFFICULT MOTHER-IN-LAW.

FOR EXAMPLE, I READ ABOUT A SMART WAY TO

CHOOSE THE RIGHT CAREER SO THAT WHOMEVER

I MARRY NEVER NEEDS TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY

BECAUSE I’LL EARN ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF

BOTH OF OUR NEEDS AND OUR CHILDREN’S

NEEDS. THERE’S AN ARTICLE ABOUT “THE

FINANCIAL MATH OF HOPE VS. DESPAIR” AT

ALEXOPALSTONE.COM THAT I LOOKED AT

RECENTLY. IT TALKS ABOUT THINKING ABOUT

EMERGENCY SAVINGS AND SMART INVESTING

32

AND OTHER EXPENSES FIRST BEFORE THINKING

ABOUT LIVING EXPENSES SO THAT WAY YOU PLAN

ON HAVING A SUFFICIENT AMOUNT FOR INCOME

NEEDS IN A MARRIAGE.

NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT SINCE I’VE READ THAT

ARTICLE I HAVE A MUCH BETTER CHANCE OF

MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICES AND BELIEVING IN

MY OWN ABILITY TO SUCCEED THAN HAD I NEVER

READ IT SO MY FUTURE WIFE WILL BE WELL TAKEN

CARE OF BY ME WHENEVER I EVENTUALLY MARRY.

I THINK IT WILL BE EASIER TO STRIVE TO EARN A

HALF A MILLION OR MORE A YEAR FOR TRUE

FINANCIAL SECURITY THAN IT WOULD BE TO

STRUGGLE AS MOST PEOPLE DO LIVING

PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK THEIR WHOLE LIVES.

I DON’T WANT TO LIVE PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK

AND HAVE MY WIFE WORRY ABOUT MONEY OR

NOT HAVE ENOUGH SAVED QUICKLY ENOUGH FOR

WHENEVER EMERGENCIES HAPPEN AND A LOT OF

MONEY IS SUDDENLY NEEDED TO SOLVE A

SERIOUS PROBLEM.

IT’S JUST LIKE THAT SAYING, “LIFE HAPPENS.” SO

I THINK MY FUTURE WIFE AND I WILL SLEEP BETTER

WHEN WE’RE ADEQUATELY PREPARED.

AND BESIDES, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO DONATE

MORE GENEROUSLY TO THE CHARITIES I LIKE. SO

MANY OF THEM ARE DEPENDENT UPON MOST OF

THEIR DONATIONS FROM PEOPLE LIVING

33

PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK AND CAN'T GIVE VERY

MUCH.

IF I EARN PLENTY OF MONEY THEN NOT ONLY WILL

I HAVE A TRULY SELF-SUFFICIENT INCOME BUT I'LL

SET A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR OTHERS AND

HOPEFULLY MORE PEOPLE WILL DO THE SAME. IN

FACT, I THINK I'LL EVEN ENCOURAGE PEOPLE FOR

THE REST OF MY LIFE TO LEARN HOW TO EARN A

GREAT INCOME SO THAT THEY CAN BE SELF-

RELIANT AND DONATE GENEROUSLY AND

HOPEFULLY THEY'LL TEACH OTHERS HOW TO DO

THE SAME.

AND, BY THE WAY, EVEN THOUGH BECOMING

RICH WILL MAKE ME ALL THE MORE ATTRACTIVE

TO MOST WOMEN, THAT'S NOT THE ULTIMATE

DRIVING FORCE BEHIND MY MOTIVATION TO BE

PROSPEROUS.

DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?

I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. GUYS ARE

WEIRD ABOUT SEX. YES, SOME OF US ARE BUT

NOT ALL OF US. SOME OF US DO OUR BEST TO

BE DECENT AND TO SHOW GIRLS AND WOMEN

PROPER RESPECT. THOSE LESSONS TO GET US

TO BE DECENT HAVE TO BE DRILLED INTO US

OVER AND OVER STARTING AT A YOUNG AGE

THOUGH OR WE NEVER LEARN AND THEN IT’S

THOSE GUYS THAT BECOME REAL MONSTERS.

34

IF I EVER DO ANYTHING THAT OFFENDS YOU OR IS

DISRESPECTFUL TO YOU OR NOT DECENT IN

SOME WAY TO YOU THEN I WOULD HOPE YOU

WOULD TELL ME SO THAT I COULD HAVE THE

OPPORTUNITY TO CORRECT IT. YOU’RE CERTAINLY

WORTH IT AND SO IS OUR FRIENDSHIP.

ARE YOU GOING TO THE PARTY THIS FRIDAY? I’LL

SHOW UP IF YOU DO. SO LET ME KNOW. I HEARD

IT’S COSTUME OPTIONAL.

MOST LIKELY I WON’T DRESS IN A COSTUME BUT

I’LL JUST SHOW UP DRESSED NORMAL.

(ALTHOUGH I HEARD FROM MY GAY FRIEND THAT

THE SHIRT I WORE YESTERDAY REALLY DIDN’T

QUITE MATCH WITH THE REST OF MY OUTFIT AND

SO IT “FRIGHTENED” HIM SO MAYBE I’LL JUST

WEAR THAT AND IF IT SCARES PEOPLE AT THE

PARTY THEN I CAN JUST CLAIM IT’S MY

COSTUME.)

SEE YOU!

ME

35

CHAPTER 3: THE NOVEMBER CHAPTER

[Third anonymous note you find in your locker.]

November 4

Recently I saw a clip from the movie “A Street

Car Named Desire” where Marlon Brando goes

out in the middle of the night over to the home of

a girl he’s passionately crushing over (in love)

and he starts yelling outside beneath her

window calling her name. I never understood

before what that was all about . . . until I met you.

Sometimes I feel I absolutely must see you; I

must be with you, talk with you, hold you – kiss

you – just you and I together alone. And yet I

know that these feelings must be a two-way

street where you want the same thing with me

too.

I also don’t want to disrespect you by pushing

temptation on you to do what we believe in our

God loving hearts to be wrong. And, of course,

you still don’t even know who I am because I

don’t have the guts to tell you yet. So I just

wanted to tell you that after seeing that movie

36

scene again, “I get it. I really get it now.”

But don’t worry. I’m controlling my thoughts. I’m

doing all that I can to resist having a “Street Car”

moment so I don’t freak out you and your

parents in the middle of the night simply

because you are so gorgeously beautiful.

Love,

Your Secret Admirer

…I’m being careful to avoid the thorny paths of

lust

Fearing to awaken within you

The lion that slumbers in your soul…

37

NOVEMBER 5

YOU:

SO YOU SAY SOMEONE HAS BEEN PUTTING

SECRET NOTES IN YOUR LOCKER LATELY AND

YOU’RE WONDERING IF I MIGHT KNOW WHO THE

PERSON IS THAT KEEPS DOING IT. THAT’S A

GOOD QUESTION.

ARE THEY CREEPY NOTES? ARE THEY

HANDWRITTEN? OR ARE THEY TYPED AND

PRINTED? ARE THEY PLEASANT NOTES? DO THEY

EVER MENTION COWS? DO THEY EVER MENTION

HULA HOOPS? DO THEY EVER MENTION SINGING?

DO THEY EVER MENTION COWS THAT ARE DOING

HULA HOOPS AND SINGING?

I’M SORRY. I’M NOT TRYING TO MAKE FUN OF

YOU. REALLY. THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION

IS TO KNOW IF ANY OF THESE NOTES ARE

CREEPING YOU OUT BECAUSE THEN I’LL HAVE TO

FIND OUT WHO IT IS AND KICK HIS A _ _. BUT IF

THEY DON’T CREEP YOU OUT, DEPENDING UPON

WHAT THESE NOTES SAY, I MIGHT JUST BE

TEMPTED TO KICK HIM IN HIS BUTT ANYWAY –

PERHAPS WHILE HE’S LOOKING IN THE MIRROR SO

HE CAN SEE ME KICK HIM IN HIS BUTT.

SO LET ME KNOW A LITTLE MORE ABOUT THE

ACTUAL NOTES THEMSELVES AND WHAT YOUR

38

INTUITION TELLS YOU IS GOING ON AND THAT MAY

HELP ME TO GET YOU AN ANSWER MORE

QUICKLY. (AND HOPEFULLY IT WILL BE AN

ACCURATE ANSWER – AND ONE THAT YOU LIKE.)

IT’S GREAT TO SEE YOU AT SCHOOL TODAY! (NOT

THAT IT WASN’T BEFORE. IT’S ALWAYS GREAT TO

SEE YOU AT SCHOOL. SO DON’T THINK IT’S EVER

NOT BEEN GREAT TO SEE YOU. BECAUSE IF I

EVER GAVE YOU THE IMPRESSION THAT MAYBE IT

HASN’T BEEN GREAT TO SEE YOU THEN THAT

SIMPLY WOULDN’T BE TRUE. I MEAN, MAYBE YOU

MAY HAVE THOUGHT THAT I GAVE YOU SUCH AN

IMPRESSION BUT IF I DID I CERTAINLY NEVER

INTENDED TO BECAUSE IT’S ALWAYS GREAT TO

SEE YOU. OKAY. NOW I’M RAMBLING. TIME TO

GO.)

LATER!

ME

39

NOVEMBER 12

YOU:

AFTER THINKING A LOT AND DOING MY OWN

SPECIAL INVESTIGATING I THINK I MAY KNOW WHO

THE GUY IS THAT IS PUTTING THESE MESSAGES IN

YOUR LOCKER. BUT THERE’S A PROBLEM. HE

ISN’T READY FOR YOU TO KNOW WHO HE IS. AND

SINCE YOU SAY THEY ARE ALL PLEASANT NOTES

AND YOU DON’T SEE ANY OF THEM AS “CREEPY”

PER SAY, THEN I THINK I SHOULD RESPECT HIS

PRIVACY BY NOT TELLING YOU WHO I THINK IT IS

AND WHEN HE’S READY TO TELL YOU THEN HE’LL

TELL YOU.

YOU ALSO SAID YOU JUST WANTED TO KNOW, IF

WE COULDN’T FIGURE IT OUT YET, IF HE’S AN

UGLY GUY OR SOMEONE THAT MIGHT BE CREEPY

EVEN THOUGH NOTHING HE’S WRITTEN IS CREEPY

YET. SO THIS MUCH I WILL SAY: IF IT’S THE GUY

THAT I THINK IT IS (AND I’M PRETTY SURE IT IS)

THEN I CAN TELL YOU THAT A LOT OF GIRLS LIKE

HIM SO AT LEAST HE’S NOT EXACTLY

“UNATTRACTIVE.”

AS FAR AS WHETHER OR NOT HE’S CREEPY

PERSONALITY-WISE I THINK HE’S A PRETTY GOOD

GUY. HE’S A GOD-LOVING CHRISTIAN. THAT

MUCH I KNOW. HE EVEN LIKES THE FINE ART

PHOTOGRAPHIC WORKS OF EVERETT STALEY –

40

JUST LIKE YOU. (I CHECKED OUT

THEARTISTDUDE.COM AND THERE’S SOME COOL

STUFF THERE. YOU’RE RIGHT. STALEY HAS HIGH

QUALITY ART AND I HEARD HE HAS HIGH MORALS

TOO.)

BUT IF YOU DECIDE YOU DON’T WANT ANY MORE

SECRET ADMIRER NOTES THEN I CAN PASS THAT

MESSAGE ALONG TO HIM AND THEN YOU JUST

TELL ME IF YOU STILL GET MORE NOTES ANYWAY

BECAUSE IF YOU DO THEN I’VE GOT THE WRONG

GUY AND I NEED TO FIND THE RIGHT ONE AND GO

KICK HIM IN THE BUTT (IN FRONT OF A MIRROR,

OF COURSE).

SHALL WE SIT TOGETHER AGAIN AT LUNCH

TODAY? HOPEFULLY I’LL SEE YOU THEN!

LATER!

ME

41

[4th anonymous note put in your locker.]

November 22

Has anyone driven over to your home in the

middle of the night and gone beneath your

window calling out your name? Because if they

did, just so you know, I didn’t do it. (You see I

told you I could control myself.) That certainly

isn’t to say that you are any less beautiful but

only that I see you as so incredibly beautiful that

I can control those “Street Car” desires so far.

But if for some reason that changes then you’ll

know because I’ll be outside your window in the

middle of the night calling your name probably

only to find that the next thing you see is the

police quickly pulling up with red and blue lights

flashing and sirens blaring as they quickly haul

me away in handcuffs because I’m disturbing

the peace (and breaking curfew).

For some reason that image of me being hauled

away while calling out your name isn’t very

romantic. Maybe you’ll agree. So I’m pretty sure

I won’t be doing that anytime soon.

I might, however, sing you a song about

butterflies, hula hoops and butter and maple

42

syrup covered pancakes under a canopy of stars

– with your parents consent, of course. (Not that

the butterflies and hula hoops would be actually

on the pancakes because obviously nobody eats

butterflies or hula hoops but they would be just

on the side, you know, like entertainment. . . or

ambiance. . . like the stars . . . never mind.)

Love,

Your Secret Admirer

P.S. Have a Happy Thanksgiving! (And if

anyone serves you butterflies or hula hoops just

tell them they’ve got it wrong because they’re for

ambiance…not for eating but ambiance. . . like

candles at dinner… or like the stars out at

night… with a date outside at night… and I’m not

talking about the kind of date that you eat

because that’s the wrong kind of date. . . that

would be cannibalism and that’s not what I’m

talking about. I’m talking about romantic dates

not creepy eating your dates.

So don’t think I’m trying to refer to you like you’re a

fig because I’m not. Of course, that’s not to say that

you’re not sweet because… OK. . . (awkward). . .

this is not where I had planned this note to be going.

I’m just going to have mercy and stop typing now.

Although I’m not sure who needs that mercy more now

among the two of us.)

43

P.P.S. Just run away! Save yourself! Don’t worry

about me. I’m a natural disaster of pathetic

humor. Go! . . . Save yourself! . . . Hurry! And

don’t look back! (Unless of course you smell a

jelly donut and then you can. I know I would. I

mean, who wouldn’t?)

44

CHAPTER 4: THE DECEMBER CHAPTER

DECEMBER 3

YOU:

SO YOU’RE STILL RECEIVING SECRET NOTES

FROM A “SECRET ADMIRER” AND YOU’RE OKAY

WITH IT. WELL, IF YOU’RE OKAY WITH IT THEN I’M

OKAY WITH IT.

SO DID YOU HAVE A GOOD THANKSGIVING? I

HOPE SO. WE ALWAYS HAVE PLENTY OF FOOD

AND I LIKE OUR FAMILY TRADITION OF EVERYONE

GOING AROUND THE TABLE AND NAMING SOME

THINGS THEY’RE THANKFUL FOR BEFORE WE ALL

DIG IN AND EAT. IT’S A GOOD TRADITION. DOES

YOUR FAMILY HAVE ANY THANKSGIVING

TRADITIONS YOU REALLY LIKE? WHAT ARE THEY?

I COME FROM A CHRISTIAN FAMILY SO WE

BELIEVE THAT EVERY GOOD THING COMES FROM

JESUS CHRIST. SO AS WE COUNTED OUR

BLESSINGS LAST MONTH, I’M EXCITED ABOUT

PAYING BLESSINGS FORWARD THIS MONTH DUE

TO THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY. DON’T BE TOO

SURPRISED IF I ASK YOU LATER IF THERE’S

ANYTHING IN PARTICULAR THAT YOU MIGHT LIKE

FOR CHRISTMAS.

45

I WAS THINKING I MIGHT GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF

MUSIC. ANY FAVORITE BANDS YOU LIKE? MAYBE

YOU COULD THINK OF SOME IF YOU LIKE

LISTENING TO MUSIC. I KNOW I LOVE LISTENING

TO MUSIC. YOU ALWAYS SEE ME IN THE HALLS IN

BETWEEN CLASSES HOOKED UP TO MY PORTABLE

MUSIC PLAYER LIKE IT’S AN I.V. LIFELINE (ONE

THAT JUST DRIPS BEATS OF BLISS INTO MY EARS)

AND NOW YOU KNOW WHY. I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT

GREAT MUSIC!

THERE ARE A FEW MORE MINUTES UNTIL THE

FIRST CLASS BEGINS AND I JUST SAW YOU FOR

THE FIRST TIME TODAY TURNING DOWN A NEARBY

HALLWAY. I WAS GOING TO WRITE SOMETHING

ELSE BUT I LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. WELL...

IF I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT I WAS GOING TO

WRITE BEFORE I SAW YOU, THEN AT LEAST I CAN

SAY THAT YOU LOOK GREAT TODAY (AS USUAL)!

YOU’RE NEVER A DISAPPOINTMENT, THAT’S FOR

SURE.

MAYBE I SHOULD ASK YOU ABOUT YOUR SECRET

ADMIRER. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS OF WHO IT

MIGHT BE? AND IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO HE

IS, DOES THIS MEAN THAT YOU LIKE HIM? OR

DOES IT JUST MEAN THAT YOU LIKE GETTING THE

SECRET NOTES BUT YOU’RE NOT NECESSARILY

INTO HIM? JUST WONDERING.

46

MAYBE I SHOULD WRITE A NOTE TO YOU AND

SLIP IT INTO YOUR LOCKER SOMETIME. BUT, OF

COURSE, YOU’D KNOW IT’S FROM ME BECAUSE

YOU ALREADY KNOW MY HANDWRITING BY NOW.

SO THAT’S OUT.

BUT IF I DID DECIDE TO SLIP YOU A NOTE IN YOUR

LOCKER TODAY, MAYBE IT MIGHT READ

SOMETHING LIKE THIS:

DEAR YOU,

YOU KNOW ME BECAUSE WE SHARE A

COUPLE OF CLASSES. SO I WAS

WONDERING IF YOU MIGHT SEE IT AS

PARTICULARLY ROMANTIC IF WE SAT

TOGETHER AND ATE LUNCH TODAY. WHAT

DO YOU THINK?

LOVE,

YOUR NOT-SO-SECRET ADMIRER: ME

BUT THAT KIND OF NOTE WOULD PROBABLY MAKE

YOU YAWN AND SAY “WE ALWAYS EAT LUNCH

TOGETHER. BORING.” AND, OF COURSE, THAT

WOULD CRUSH MY TENDER HEART LIKE A

HAMSTER SITTING DOWN ON A PIECE OF

CHOCOLATE PUFFED CEREAL. (CAN YOU HEAR THE

CRUNCHING SOUNDS NOW? OH! . . . PLEASE! . . .

HAVE MERCY! . . .)

47

OF COURSE, I CAN ALSO HEAR YOU SAYING,

“THE HAMSTER’S BUTT, WITH ITS UNIQUE

COMBINATION OF FAT AND HAIR, HAS A MUCH

LARGER COMPARATIVE RATIO THAN THE TINY

CHOCOLATE PUFFED CEREAL PIECE SO MAYBE IT

WOULD ACTUALLY MAKE NO CLEARLY DISCERNIBLE

SOUND AT ALL.” THANKS. THANKS A LOT. YOUR

SENSITIVITY IS SO MOOOVING. (NOT.)

BUT DESPITE YOUR OCCASIONAL SEEMINGLY

SCIENTIFIC WAYS OVER MATTERS OF THE

HEART. . . I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW

ONE OF THE THINGS I SAID I WAS GRATEFUL FOR

OVER THANKSGIVING: MY ASSOCIATION WITH

YOU.

THE DAY THAT YOU STOP SHOWING UP FOR

SCHOOL IS THE DAY THAT I NOT ONLY START THE

LARGEST SEARCH EVER COMMANDED IN UNITED

STATES HISTORY, BUT ALSO THE DAY THAT I

WONDER HOW IN THE WORLD I’LL EVER BE ABLE

TO REPLACE CONVERSATIONS ABOUT PUMPKIN

PANCAKES, A YOUNG WOMAN WANTING TO VISIT

AN EMPTY MEN’S RESTROOM AND MYSTERIOUS

SECRET ADMIRER NOTES THAT KEEP APPEARING

IN THAT AWE INSPIRING SPACE KNOWN AS YOUR

SCHOOL LOCKER.

BUT, THANKFULLY, YOU’RE HERE AT SCHOOL

TODAY. SO I’LL TAKE APPROPRIATE ADVANTAGE

OF THE OPPORTUNITY THAT IS BEFORE ME TODAY

BY ASKING YOU A MAYBE NOT QUITE SO USUAL

48

BUT STILL SORT-OF CHRISTMAS SEASONAL

APPROPRIATE QUESTION: WHAT KIND OF

FLOWERS DO YOU LIKE? AND ARE THERE ANY

THAT YOU DON’T LIKE OR ARE ALLERGIC TO?

THIS QUESTION MAY BE FOR MY OWN CASUAL

CURIOSITY OR I MAY BE ASKING ON BEHALF OF

THE GUY THAT IS YOUR SECRET ADMIRER. SO

THOSE ARE SOME THINGS FOR YOU TO THINK

ABOUT: MUSIC AND FLOWERS AND MAYBE WHAT

I’D WRITE YOU IF I PUT A NOTE IN YOUR LOCKER

TODAY. (BUT I WON’T PUT A NOTE IN YOUR

LOCKER TODAY SINCE I MUCH PREFER TO JUST

HAND YOU THIS IN PERSON RIGHT BEFORE OUR

CLASS TODAY.)

OR MAYBE YOU COULD JUST TELL ME IF YOU LIKE

RED ROSES OR IF THOSE ARE TOO BORING FOR

YOU. LONG-STEMMED RED ROSES ARE ONE OF

THE MOST EXPENSIVE WAYS OF SAYING “I LOVE

YOU” THAT EXISTS IN THE FLORAL INDUSTRY. SO

IF ANYONE EVER GETS YOU EVEN A SINGLE RED

ROSE, GET READY BECAUSE THEY JUST MIGHT BE

TESTING THE WATERS TO SEE IF YOU’LL LET THEM

BUY YOU SEVERAL MORE LATER.

HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY!

LATER!

ME

49

[5th anonymous note put in your locker.]

December 9

Title: “True Love Never Ends”

You haunt me

Your voice haunts me in the daytime

Visions of the beauty of your face

Visions of the beauty of your body

Haunt me in the dreams of the night

You mesmerize me

Your voice travels into my heart

Your eyes pierce deep into my soul

Your spirit touches mine and love takes control

I can run but I can’t hide

I can try and forget

But the memory of you keeps rushing back

To grab hold of me deep inside

I can pretend you’re just a friend

I can pretend it’s all a game

But the facts prove over and over

My heart will love you until the end

Until the end of eternity

And all because it’s love

And some say love ends

But I’m inclined to strongly disagree

Because when it’s true love

It can’t really be denied

That true love never ends.

True love never ends.

Thank our loving God it never ends.

Love,

Your Secret Admirer

50

DECEMBER 12

YOU:

LOOKS LIKE YOU AND I LIKE A LOT OF THE SAME

MUSIC! SWEET! SO I’VE GOT A PRETTY GOOD

IDEA OF WHAT I’LL BE GETTING FOR YOU THIS

CHRISTMAS. I’LL BE BRINGING GIFTS NEXT WEEK

ON THE SECOND TO LAST DAY BEFORE THE

CHRISTMAS BREAK TO BE GIVING TO OUR

FRIENDS. THAT’S GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN! I

CAN’T WAIT!

SINCE YOU SAID YOU’RE A FAN OF LONG-

STEMMED RED ROSES, DO YOU THINK IT’S A BIT

TOO MUCH IF A GUY GIVES A GIRL HE LIKES A

LONG-STEMMED RED ROSE BEFORE HE ASKS HER

OUT? JUST WONDERING.

I JUST LOVE THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY! AND YOU

LOOK DEVASTATINGLY BEAUTIFUL IN CHRISTMAS

RED, I MIGHT ADD. (I LOVE THAT SWEATER

YOU’RE WEARING TODAY!)

MY DAD SAYS THAT GUYS DON’T COMPLIMENT

WOMEN ENOUGH WHEN THEY LOOK GOOD. I

ASKED MY MOM AND SHE SAID IT’S TRUE AND

THEN SHE ADDED, “BUT YOU MEN NEED TO BE

MORE SPECIFIC. DO YOU LIKE THE DRESS OR

JUST THE PEARLS ONLY? OR DO YOU LIKE THE

51

PEARLS WITH THE DRESS?. . . BE SPECIFIC

BECAUSE WE’RE DRESSING FOR YOU.” THEN MY

DAD WHISPERED LOUDLY TO ME, “THAT’S NOT

TRUE. THEY DRESS FOR THEIR GIRLFRIENDS AS

MUCH AS – IF NOT MORE THAN – THEY DO FOR

MEN.” TO WHICH MY MOM QUICKLY REPLIED,

“WELL, WE’D DRESS MORE FOR MEN IF THEY’D

COMPLIMENT US THE WAY OUR GIRLFRIENDS DO.”

SO LET ME BE ONE OF THE FIRST MEN YOU’VE

EVER MET TO TELL YOU SPECIFICALLY THAT I

REALLY LOVE THAT SWEATER YOU’RE WEARING

TODAY. EVERYTHING YOU’RE WEARING TOGETHER

LOOKS GREAT!

BUT I WILL SAY THAT PROBABLY ONE OF THE

REASONS US GUYS DON’T GET SPECIFIC IS

BECAUSE, 1) OFTEN WE HAVE NO FASHION SENSE

OF OUR OWN TO BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE

SPECIFICS, AND 2) FRANKLY, WE ARE CONCERNED

SOMEONE MIGHT THINK WE’RE GAY AND IF THAT

“SOMEONE” HAPPENS TO BE A YOUNG LADY WE

LIKE, THEN WE DON’T WANT TO BLOW THAT

CHANCE TO MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS WE’RE NOT

ONLY STRAIGHT BUT VERY LIKELY ATTRACTED TO

HER SPECIFICALLY.

YOU SEE, GUYS HAVE NO PROBLEM KNOWING

AND BEING SPECIFIC ABOUT WHICH FEMALE WE

MAY LIKE, BUT WHAT SHE MAY BE WEARING THAT

DAY IS NOT NOTICED AS MUCH BECAUSE OFTEN

WE’RE SO MESMERIZED BY HER BEAUTY THAT ALL

WE NOTICE IS THE WHOLE PICTURE INSTEAD OF

52

DETAILS OR SPECIFICS.

GIRLS ARE BETTER AT THOSE DETAILS BECAUSE

YOU’RE PRACTICALLY TRAINED FROM THE WOMB

TO BE BETTER AT THOSE THINGS BY EVERY

FASHION MAGAZINE IN EXISTENCE. BUT GUYS, WE

CAN SPELL THE WORD “FASHION” AND THAT’S

ABOUT THE EXTENT OF WHAT WE KNOW

REGARDING THE SUBJECT. (AND SOME OF US

CAN’T EVEN SPELL FASHION CORRECTLY.)

ANYHOO . . . ENOUGH ABOUT FASHION.

I’M CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS

SECRET ADMIRER OF YOURS. I ASKED YOU

ABOUT A WEEK AGO IN A NOTE ABOUT IF YOU

THINK YOU KNOW WHO HE MIGHT BE AND YOU

HAVEN’T SAID ANYTHING.

THEN I ASKED YOU AT LUNCH RECENTLY AND YOU

SORT OF GAVE A DEEP THINKING KIND OF LOOK

BUT YOU NEVER ACTUALLY ANSWERED THE

QUESTION. (OF COURSE YOU ALSO HAD A

MOUTH FULL OF FOOD WHEN I ASKED AND THEN

THE CLASS BELL RANG.) SO, NOT TO PRESSURE

YOU TOO MUCH BUT . . . ANY IDEAS OF YOUR

OWN AS TO WHO THIS FELLOW MIGHT ACTUALLY

BE? ANY IDEAS IF YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY LIKE HIM

IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO HE IS? OR DOES

THE MERE THOUGHT OF WHO HE MIGHT BE

CAUSE YOU TO THROW UP A BIT IN YOUR

MOUTH? (OKAY. . . MAYBE IF THAT LAST ONE IS

53

THE CASE THEN MAYBE I DON’T WANT TO KNOW

EITHER.)

YOU JUST SEEM LIKE YOU’VE BEEN TALKING TO

YOUR GIRLFRIENDS MORE THAN WITH ME MORE

LATELY SO I’M JUST WONDERING IF HE’S THE

MAIN FOCUS OF YOUR CONVERSATIONS WITH

OTHERS. BUT MAYBE THAT’S REALLY NONE OF MY

BUSINESS BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE IN RESPECTING

YOUR PRIVACY. SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL ME

IF HE’S WHAT YOU’RE TALKING TO THEM ABOUT.

THAT’S FINE WITH ME.

OKAY. IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT?

UGH! IT’S REALLY KILLING ME NOW. I’M JUST

SOOOO CURIOUS.

NO... WAIT. . . IS IT SOMETHING THAT I DID OR

SAID THAT’S MAKING YOU TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS

MORE THAN ME? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

PLEASE TELL ME AND I’LL WASTE NO TIME IN

FIXING IT. WHATEVER YOU WANT. JUST LET ME

KNOW. I’M A BOZO SOMETIMES. WE BOTH KNOW

IT. SO JUST TELL ME HOW I SCREWED UP . . . LET

ME FIX IT. . . LET’S PUT IT BEHIND US . . . AND

FORGIVE ME.

SO, DID I SCREW UP SOMEHOW? IS THAT WHY

YOU’RE NOT TALKING TO ME AS MUCH AS YOU

ARE YOUR GIRLFRIENDS? JUST LET ME KNOW. I’M

54

HERE FOR YOU. YOU KNOW, I’M ALWAYS HERE

FOR YOU.

OR MAYBE IT’S BACK TO THE FASHION THING.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW US GUYS DON’T HAVE A

CLUE WHEN IT COMES TO FASHION. WE ALWAYS

HAVE TO GET HELP FROM OTHERS WHETHER

THAT’S THE LADY AT THE STORE OR ONE OF OUR

GAY FRIENDS THAT’S HELPING US TO DRESS WELL

ENOUGH TO MAINTAIN OUR STRAIGHT

REPUTATION WHILE ALSO NOT DRESSING SO WELL

THAT OUR GAY FRIENDS THINK WE’VE FLIPPED

AND ARE AVAILABLE FOR THEIR PURSUIT. (THAT’S

A FINE BALANCE TO STRIKE IN THE WORLD OF

HETEROSEXUAL MALES, YOU KNOW.)

SO IS THAT IT? DOES MY SUIT COAT NOT REALLY

GO WITH MY JEANS? IS THE TIE TOO MUCH? OR

WHAT ABOUT MY HAIR? YOU KNOW S. B. IS

ALWAYS FLIRTING WITH ME BY COMING UP TO ME

AND RUNNING HER FINGERS THROUGH MY HAIR

EVEN THOUGH WE BOTH KNOW THERE COULD

NEVER BE ANYTHING BETWEEN US.

SHE’S ALWAYS PAYING ME THE SAME

COMPLIMENT LIKE A BROKEN RECORD IN THAT

SAME FLIRTY TONE OF VOICE, “SO I SEE THE GUY

ON THE LATEST COVER OF GQ MAGAZINE IS

FOLLOWING YOUR CUE BY HAVING THE SAME

HAIRSTYLE AND CLOTHING AS YOU. DON’T YOU

THINK IT’S ABOUT TIME YOU STARTED RETURNING

THE CALLS OF GQ SO THEY CAN FINALLY PUT THE

55

MOST WANTED MAN IN OUR SCHOOL ON THE

COVER?”

SO MAYBE THERE’S SOME INSIDE JOKE GOING

AROUND SCHOOL THAT I’M NO LONGER THE

BIGGEST TEEN HEARTTHROB ANYMORE (THAT

COMES FROM THE PICTURE THAT WENT AROUND

DURING LAST YEAR’S SCHOOL DANCE WHEN LIKE

TEN GIRLS WANTED TO BE IN A PICTURE WITH ME.)

SO MAYBE I’M NOT THAT GOOD-LOOKING

ANYMORE. THAT’S OKAY. I CAN HANDLE IT.

(MAYBE.)

LOOK, MAYBE I’M OVERREACTING HERE BUT I

JUST CAN’T HELP BUT TO NOTICE THAT WE’RE

NOT TALKING AS MUCH LATELY AND I JUST WANT

TO MAKE SURE THINGS ARE GOOD BETWEEN US.

THAT’S ALL. IF I’M ANNOYING, TELL ME HOW I’M

BEING ANNOYING AND I’LL STOP IT. OR AT LEAST

I’LL TRY REALLY HARD TO STOP IT. (BECAUSE YOU

KNOW ME, GOOD-LOOKING OR NOT, SOMETIMES

I AM ANNOYING. SOMETIMES I HAVE NERDY

HUMOR.)

WELL, THAT’S ABOUT THE LONGEST LETTER I’VE

EVER WRITTEN ANYONE IN MY LIFE SO I SUPPOSE

I SHOULD STOP HERE AND CALL IT A DAY FOR

LETTER WRITING.

HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY!

DID I MENTION THAT YOUR SWEATER LOOKS

56

GREAT ON YOU TODAY? YES. I’M LOOKING BACK

OVER THIS NOTE AND IT SEEMS I HAVE, IN FACT,

COMPLIMENTED YOU SPECIFICALLY ON YOUR

SWEATER TODAY – APPARENTLY NUMEROUS

TIMES.

LATER!

ME

57

DECEMBER 16

YOU:

WHAT A RELIEF! ONE OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS JUST

BROKE UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND SO YOU WERE

SPENDING MORE TIME GIVING HER EMOTIONAL

SUPPORT. THAT’S GREAT!

I MEAN, IT’S NOT GREAT THAT SHE AND HE BROKE

UP AND I’M NOT SAYING THAT’S GREAT LIKE I’M

INTERESTED IN HER BUT WHAT I MEANT WAS

THAT’S GREAT THAT THERE’S NO PROBLEMS

BETWEEN YOU AND ME. EXCELLENT!

(OH, AND SEND YOUR FRIEND MY SYMPATHIES

ABOUT HER RECENT HEARTACHE. UNLESS I’M

NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT IT AND THEN

JUST . . . UM . . . KEEP GIVING HER YOUR

SYMPATHY AND SUPPORT. YEAH... KEEP DOING

THAT BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO AND

YOU’RE A GOOD FRIEND AND I SUPPORT YOU

GIVING HER YOUR SUPPORT. OKAY. CLEARLY I’M

TALKING IN CIRCLES ON THAT ONE SO. . .

ANYHOO. . . MOVING RIGHT ALONG. )

SO, HOW ARE YOU TODAY? (AND FEEL FREE TO

NOTE THAT I’M SO GLAD THINGS ARE GOOD WITH

US THAT I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK YOU

ABOUT YOUR SECRET ADMIRER FRIEND. JUST

READ THIS WHOLE THING AND THAT LAST

58

SENTENCE WILL BE THE ONLY TIME I EVEN

MENTION HIM. SO NO WORRIES SINCE I KNOW

YOU HAVEN’T SAID ANYTHING STILL SO THAT

TELLS ME YOU STILL WANT YOUR PRIVACY AND

I’M COOL WITH THAT. I’M COOL. NO WORRIES.)

YOU ALSO ASKED ABOUT MY OPINION OF

REFINED AFFECTIONATE FRIENDSHIPS (OR R.A.

FRIENDSHIPS) SINCE THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE

WITH HER. SO HERE’S WHAT I THINK:

GOOD, HONEST PEOPLE WON'T HAVE A PROBLEM

WITH IT. I THINK IT'S GREAT AND I SUPPORT IT.

BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, SINCE WE LIVE IN A

HYPERSEXUAL SOCIETY, I THINK TOO MANY

PEOPLE WOULD SEE IT (R.A. FRIENDSHIPS) AS

MORE HOMOSEXUAL THAN PURE, SIMPLY

BECAUSE MOST AMERICANS AREN’T NEARLY

AFFECTIONATE AS ONCE BEFORE.

IT USED TO BE THAT IN THE 1800'S THAT TWO

MEN OR TWO WOMEN COULD WALK WITH THEIR

ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER’S SHOULDER

WITHOUT PEOPLE ASSUMING ANYTHING SEXUAL.

IT USED TO BE THAT TWO PEOPLE OF THE SAME

GENDER COULD BE MORE VERBAL AND

AFFECTIONATE AND LESS ASHAMED OF HAVING

DEEP FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE OF THE SAME

GENDER.

BUT THESE DAYS, AS LONG AS PEOPLE GET THEIR

VIEWS DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY FROM THE

59

INFLUENCE OF THE PORN INDUSTRY, IT WILL TAKE

SOME TIME FOR TYPICAL AMERICANS TO SEE

THAT IT’S POSSIBLE FOR TWO PEOPLE OF THE

SAME GENDER TO BE VERY AFFECTIONATE AND

LOYAL WITHOUT IT ALSO BEING SEXUAL (LIKE THE

NON-SEXUAL BUT DEEP LOVE AND MORE OPEN

AFFECTION OF R.A. FRIENDSHIPS).

UNDOING THE HYPERSEXUAL INFLUENCE TAKES

TIME AND CAN CAUSE UNNECESSARY GUILT LIKE

THE EXAMPLE IN THE BIBLE NEW TESTAMENT WHEN

CHRIST HAD TO TEACH ONE OF HIS APOSTLES

NOT TO CALL SOMETHING UNCLEAN THAT WAS

ACTUALLY CLEAN (THE LESSON BEING THAT THE

HIGHER LAW OF CHRIST MAKES THINGS CLEAN

THAT THE WORLD WOULD CONSIDER UNCLEAN).

I LIKE HOW T. M. MEEK PUT IT, “TOO MANY

OTHERWISE GOOD, CHRISTIAN HETEROSEXUALS

ARE TOO AFRAID OF THE STRENGTHS MANY

HOMOSEXUALS HAVE TO OPENLY EMBRACE THE

HEALTHY NEED TO HAVE A DEEPER EMOTIONAL

CONNECTION WITH SOMEONE OF THE SAME

GENDER THAN IS TYPICAL OF MOST AVERAGE

AMERICAN NON-AFFECTIONATE FRIENDSHIPS. TO

HAVE PURE AFFECTION EXPRESSED IN A SAME

GENDER FRIENDSHIP IS THE HEALTHY MIDDLE

GROUND THAT IS LARGELY ABSENT IN MUCH OF

HETEROSEXUAL AMERICAN CULTURE WHICH

TENDS TO LEAVE MOST OF US AS ADULTS WITH

ONLY THE CHOICES OF TWO EXTREMES:

HYPERSEXUALIZATION IN RELATIONSHIPS OR LOVE

WITH LITTLE OR NO TRULY INTIMATE AFFECTION –

60

NEITHER OF WHICH IS TRULY FULFILLING FOR THE

HUMAN SPIRIT.”

SO DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION ABOUT

MY OPINION OF R.A. FRIENDSHIPS? I HOPE SO

BECAUSE I THINK THEY ARE A BETTER TYPE OF

HETEROSEXUAL SAME GENDER FRIENDSHIP THAN

THE COLDER TREND THAT’S BEEN BUILDING FOR

OVER A HALF A CENTURY HERE IN THE U.S..

NOW TO OTHER TOPICS.

HOPEFULLY YOU’RE DOING WELL TODAY. MY MOM

TAUGHT ME OVER THE LAST WEEKEND HOW TO

MAKE THIS GREAT WASSAIL. IT’S NON-ALCOHOLIC

SINCE NO ONE IN MY FAMILY DRINKS ALCOHOL

SO I BROUGHT SOME TO SCHOOL TODAY AND

YOU CAN TRY SOME AT LUNCH IF YOU WANT.

I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’RE ALLERGIC TO ANY

FOODS SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IT

DOESN’T CONTAIN ANY STRAWBERRIES OR NUTS

OR BEE STINGERS IN IT (SINCE SOME PEOPLE ARE

ALLERGIC TO BEE STINGS). OF COURSE I’VE

NEVER HEARD OF PEOPLE COOKING WITH BEE

STINGERS OR BEE VENOM OR BEE ANYTHING –

EXCEPT FOR HONEY. THAT I’VE HEARD OF:

HONEY. BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE ANY OF

THAT IN IT EITHER. (I’M JUST TRYING TO COVER

ALL OF MY BASES HERE ABOUT ALLERGIES.)

I MENTION THE FACT THAT IT’S NON-ALCOHOLIC

61

SINCE I THINK MOST PEOPLE MAKE WASSAIL WITH

ALCOHOL IN IT LIKE RUM OR SOMETHING. SO

ANYWAY, NO WORRIES ABOUT US GETTING

KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL FOR DRINKING ALCOHOL

AT LUNCHTIME. AND NO GETTING KICKED OUT OF

SCHOOL FOR BEING MORMON NON-ALCOHOL

DRINKERS EITHER SINCE NEITHER OF US ARE

MORMON. (AT LEAST I DON’T THINK YOU ARE.

WAIT... ARE YOU A MORMON?)

OKAY, SO IN LIGHT OF THAT POSSIBLE GAFFE, I

HAVE NO HARD FEELINGS AGAINST MORMONS. IN

FACT, MAYBE THAT WAS AN INAPPROPRIATE JOKE

SINCE THEY GOT ABUSED AND KICKED OUT OF

LIKE THREE DIFFERENT STATES BACK IN THE

1800’S BEFORE FINALLY SETTLING IN UTAH.

THEY OPENLY CLAIMED A BELIEF IN THE LITERAL,

PHYSICAL RESURRECTION OF JESUS CHRIST (AND

STILL DO), BASICALLY SAYING THAT THE CHRIST

THAT DIED LIVES AGAIN AS ONE WHO IS NOW

IMMORTAL AND THAT GOD THE FATHER SPEAKS

TO US TODAY AND SO THEY GOT HARASSED AND

ATTACKED AND DRIVEN FROM PLACE TO PLACE.

THERE WAS EVEN AN EXTERMINATION ORDER

TAKEN OUT AGAINST THEM RIGHT HERE IN A LAND

WHERE FREEDOM OF RELIGION IS SUPPOSED TO

BE OUR MOST TREASURED HERITAGE AND AT THE

HEART OF THE VERY ROOTS OF THE INDIVIDUAL

LIBERTIES WE ALL CHERISH TODAY. LOTS OF

THEM WERE MURDERED BACK THEN.

62

I GUESS THAT’S A LITTLE LIKE THE JEWS, BEING

MURDERED FOR THEIR RELIGIOUS BELIEFS.

THAT’S MESSED UP, HUH? AT LEAST I THINK IT IS.

IT’S JUST WRONG. THANK GOODNESS PEOPLE

ARE A LOT NICER TO MORMONS AND JEWS

TODAY.

DID YOU KNOW THAT “MORMON” IS ACTUALLY

JUST A NICKNAME? MORMON'S ARE ACTUALLY

MEMBERS OF “THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST

OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS.” THAT'S A LONG NAME

FOR A CHURCH, HUH? BUT AT LEAST THEY'RE

CHRIST-CENTERED. JUST LOOK AT THE NAME OF

THE CHURCH. IT'S A GOOD CHRISTIAN NAME.

THEY'RE ALSO CALLED LATTER-DAY SAINTS OR

L.D.S. FOR SHORT.

THE PEOPLE THAT ARE NICE TO LATTER-DAY

SAINTS TODAY AND DON'T MOCK THEM OR

SPREAD LIES AND RUMORS ABOUT THEM ARE

THOSE THAT ACTUALLY GO AND TALK TO

SOMEONE THAT'S LDS THAT LOVES GOING TO

THE LDS CHURCH. THEY GET THE TRUTH ABOUT

THEIR BELIEFS AND PRACTICES BY GOING

DIRECTLY TO A CURRENT MEMBER INSTEAD OF

FROM SOMEONE THAT'S ONLY INTERESTED IN

SPREADING UNCONFIRMED INFORMATION

(MISUNDERSTANDINGS OR LIES).

AND USUALLY THEY FIND LDS PEOPLE ARE PRETTY

63

NICE AND EVEN COOL.

YOU KNOW THE FIRST CHRISTIANS AFTER

CHRIST’S DEATH, RESURRECTION AND

SUBSEQUENT ASCENSION WERE PERSECUTED

AND MURDERED TOO. THE FIRST CHRISTIANS

WERE ALSO QUICKLY SLANDERED BY BEING

LABELED AS A CULT. IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME SO

THIS IS CERTAINLY AN APPROPRIATE SUBJECT.

SO I APOLOGIZE FOR MAKING THAT JOKE ABOUT

GETTING KICKED OUT OF THE LUNCH ROOM FOR

BEING A NON-ALCOHOL DRINKER OR MORMON.

ACTUALLY, MY UNCLE AND HIS FAMILY ARE

MORMONS (MEMBERS OF THE CHURCH OF

JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS) AND THEY

ARE REALLY GOOD PEOPLE. THEY DONATE A LOT

TO CHARITY AND THEY’RE ABOUT THE HAPPIEST

FAMILY WE’VE EVER KNOWN. THEY’RE GOOD

CHRISTIANS, THEY’RE NOT A CULT AND I’D LIKE

TO BELIEVE THEY WOULD FORGIVE MY GAFFE

ABOUT GETTING KICKED OUT OF THE

LUNCHROOM.

IT’S ACTUALLY BECAUSE OF THE GOOD EXAMPLE

OF HIS FAMILY, SINCE THEY DON’T DRINK

ALCOHOL OR SMOKE, THAT CAUSED MY PARENTS

TO STOP DRINKING ALSO. BUT NEITHER OF THEM

HAS EVER SMOKED.

ULTIMATELY I LIKE WHAT ROMANS 10:12 SAYS. IT

64

BASICALLY SAYS THAT THERE'S ONLY ONE GOD

AND SO IN GOD'S EYES THERE’S NO DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN EITHER THE JEWS OR THE GENTILES

SINCE “THE SAME LORD OVER ALL ...IS RICH

UNTO ALL THAT CALL UPON HIM.”

DID YOU EVER TELL ME WHAT RELIGION YOUR

FAMILY IS? IF YOU DID THEN I FORGOT (BUT I’M

PRETTY SURE YOU DIDN’T OR ELSE I WOULD HAVE

REMEMBERED.) I KNOW YOU’RE CHRISTIANS BUT

THAT’S ALL I KNOW – IF I’VE GOT THAT RIGHT.

I’LL BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THAT I DON’T KNOW

AS MUCH ABOUT VARIOUS RELIGIONS OR THE

SUBJECT OF BEING MORE SPIRITUAL AS MUCH AS

I WOULD LIKE.

BEFORE MY UNCLE DISCOVERED THE L.D.S.

FAITH, HE TOLD ME THAT HE PRAYED A CERTAIN

PRAYER ONE DAY THAT CHANGED HIS LIFE. HE

SAID THAT HE WAS CONCERNED ABOUT NOT

BEING ABLE TO GET ALL OF HIS QUESTIONS

ABOUT LIFE AND GOD THROUGH THE BIBLE

ALONE. HE COULDN'T GET THE ANSWERS HE

NEEDED FROM VARIOUS PASTORS OR MINISTERS

OF OTHER CHURCHES EITHER. SO HE MADE A

SINCERE PROMISE TO GOD IN HIS PRAYER.

HE TOLD GOD THAT HE BELIEVES THE BIBLE IS

THE WORD OF GOD AND THAT IF GOD WOULD

SEND HIM TWO WITNESSES, JUST AS THE BIBLE

65

OUTLINES, TO TEACH HIM THE ANSWERS TO LIFE

AND THE ANSWERS ABOUT GOD THAT HE WAS

SEEKING, AND THAT IF GOD WOULD HELP HIM TO

RECOGNIZE WHEN THE RIGHT WITNESSES HAVE

COME INTO HIS LIFE, THAT HE WOULD NOT SHUT

THE DOOR ON THE ANSWER TO HIS PRAYER BUT

HE WOULD LISTEN TO GOD'S MESSAGE AND DO

WHAT WAS RIGHT TO DO WITH IT. GOD

ANSWERED HIS PRAYER AND MY UNCLE KEPT HIS

PROMISE.

COME TO THINK OF IT, I SHOULD PROBABLY PRAY

FOR THE SAME THING SOMETIME SOON. I BET IF

I'M SINCERE LIKE HE WAS, HOPEFULLY I'LL GET BIG

BLESSINGS OF ANSWERS LIKE HE DID.

I WILL SAY THIS: SOMETHING MY UNCLE SAID

ABOUT GOD THAT I’LL NEVER FORGET. HE SAID,

“SO MANY GOOD PEOPLE HAVE SO MANY THINGS

WRONG ABOUT GOD AND THEY WOULD BE SO

MUCH HAPPIER IF THEY KNEW THE TRUTHS GOD

HIMSELF HAS GIVEN ALL OF US FOR THESE

MODERN TIMES.”

MY UNCLE KNOWS THE BIBLE BETTER THAN

ANYONE I KNOW AND SO I BELIEVE HIM. HE’S A

GOOD MAN.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I WONDER SOMETIMES WHAT

YOUR PARENTS ARE LIKE. I WONDER WHAT THEY

LOOK LIKE AND WHO HAS YOUR EYES AND YOUR

66

NOSE AND YOUR SMILE. I WONDER IF YOU LOOK

MORE LIKE YOUR DAD OR YOUR MOM. I WONDER

ABOUT THESE THINGS BECAUSE I’D LIKE TO

KNOW WHO SHOULD GET THE GREATER PORTION

OF BLAME FOR CAUSING SO MANY PEOPLE TO

FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE.

OH, I’VE NEVER TOLD YOU BEFORE THAT YOU’RE

ATTRACTIVE?

NEWSFLASH: YOU’RE REALLY ATTRACTIVE AND

I’M CONFIDENT THAT I CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE

THAT AGREES ABOUT THAT FACT.

BUT DON’T FREAK OUT THINKING I’M TRYING TO

COME ONTO YOU IN THIS LETTER HERE BECAUSE

I’M NOT.

YOU’LL KNOW WHEN I’M COMING ONTO YOU

BECAUSE IT MIGHT BEAR A STRONG

RESEMBLANCE TO MY COMING UP TO YOU,

RUNNING MY FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR AND

SAYING, “OH. . . I SEE THE WOMAN ON THE

LATEST MAGAZINE COVER IS FOLLOWING YOUR

FASHION LEAD BY HAVING THE SAME HAIRSTYLE

AND CLOTHING AS YOU. DON’T YOU THINK IT’S

ABOUT TIME YOU STARTED RETURNING THE CALLS

OF EVERY FASHION MAGAZINE ON PLANET EARTH

SO THEY CAN FINALLY PUT YOUR GORGEOUS

FACE ON THE COVER OF THEIR MAGAZINES?” I’LL

MAKE SURE TO USE REALLY FLIRTATIOUS TONES

WHILE I’M SAYING IT TOO.

67

WOW! LONG LETTERS! I’M BREAKING RECORDS

HERE SO LOOKS LIKE I SHOULD STOP NOW SO IT

DOESN’T TAKE THE ENTIRE CHRISTMAS BREAK

FOR YOU TO READ IT AND REPLY.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

SEE YOU LATER!

ME

68

DECEMBER 19

YOU:

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT INCREDIBLY

DELICIOUS “MANGO DELIGHT” FRUIT CAKE. I

NORMALLY HATE FRUIT CAKE BUT THE ONE YOU

GAVE ME TASTED ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC! THANK

YOU AGAIN! IF YOU MADE IT I’D ACTUALLY LIKE

THE RECIPE. IF YOU BOUGHT IT, PLEASE TELL ME

WHERE SO I CAN BUY SOME MORE NEXT YEAR (IF

NOT SOONER).

SO GUESS WHAT I’M LOOKING AT? AMAZINGLY

THERE’S THIS CARD AND A BEAUTIFULLY WRAPPED

GIFT WITH YOUR NAME ON IT AND IT’S SITTING

RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I WONDER HOW IT GOT

HERE. . . HMMM. . .

WELL, SINCE THIS PARTICULAR GIFT SHOULD BE

IN FRONT OF YOU INSTEAD OF ME, LOOKS LIKE

YOU SHOULD EXPECT A GIFT COMING TO A

HALLWAY NEAR YOU SOON. ACTUALLY, I’M

HOPING TO GET THIS TO YOU IN BETWEEN

CLASSES BEFORE THIRD PERIOD. AND, OF

COURSE, THIS NOTE WILL BE TAGGING ALONG

WITH THE CARD AND GIFT.

WOW! CHRISTMAS BREAK IS ALMOST HERE. I’M

GOING TO MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY OVER THE

BREAK. I MAY JUST HAVE TO USE A TRADITIONAL

69

PHONE TO CALL YOU IF I CAN REACH YOU BEFORE

YOU GO OUT OF TOWN WITH YOUR FAMILY. OR

MAYBE YOU COULD JUST SQUEEZE ME INTO YOUR

SUITCASE. BUT DON’T WORRY IF IT’S TOO HEAVY

BECAUSE I’LL JUST GET OUT AND HELP YOU

CARRY IT. (OKAY . . . WAIT . . . THAT LAST LINE

DIDN’T QUITE MAKE SENSE.)

SINCE IT’S NOT VERY LIKELY YOU’LL BE FITTING

ME INTO YOUR SUITCASE ANYTIME SOON, HOW

ABOUT WE MAKE A LIST OF THINGS TO DO

TOGETHER OVER THE BREAK EVEN THOUGH WE’RE

APART?

FOR EXAMPLE, IF EITHER OF US WINDS UP AT A

SHOPPING MALL OVER THE BREAK (AND THE

CHANCES OF THAT OCCURRING FOR BOTH OF US

ARE ALMOST GUARANTEED SINCE AT LEAST ONE

OF US WILL HAVE A RELATIVE THAT NEEDS TO DO

MORE SHOPPING BEFORE CHRISTMAS IS

ACTUALLY HERE) THEN WE COULD GO TO A HIGH

END PERFUME AND COLOGNE COUNTER AND

CHECK OUT SOME NEW FRAGRANCES TO SEE IF

ANY NEW ONES ESPECIALLY PERK UP OUR

OLFACTORY SENSES. THEN WE CAN COME BACK

IN JANUARY AND SHARE WHICH LABELS WE LIKE

THE MOST.

OR IF EITHER OF US SEES A PHOTO WITH SANTA

OPPORTUNITY WE CAN DO THE CHEESY THING

AND ACTUALLY GET OUR PICTURE TAKEN WITH

SANTA AND THEN BRING IT BACK TO SHOW ONE

ANOTHER AFTER THE BREAK.

70

AND MAYBE WHENEVER WE’RE OUT SHOPPING,

WE CAN KEEP OUR EYES OUT FOR THE MOST

EXPENSIVE CHRISTMAS GIFT WE ACTUALLY COME

ACROSS DURING OUR SHOPPING AND WE CAN

TAKE A PICTURE OF THE ITEM AND NOTE THE

ACTUAL PRICE OF IT. WHOEVER RETURNS AFTER

THE BREAK WITH A PICTURE OF THE MOST

EXPENSIVE GIFT HAS TO TREAT THE OTHER

PERSON TO A DOZEN HOMEMADE COOKIES AND

LUNCH HERE AT SCHOOL.

SO DO WE HAVE A DEAL? I SAY GAME ON, BABY!

BRING IT!

WELL, I DO SINCERELY HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT

CHRISTMAS BREAK AND THAT YOU REALLY LIKE

WHAT I GOT YOU FOR CHRISTMAS. (I WOULD TELL

YOU SANTA BROUGHT THESE FOR YOU BUT I’M

PRETTY SURE YOU’RE TOO OLD TO BELIEVE IN

THAT STUFF ANYMORE.) I SAY THESE THINGS

BECAUSE I REALLY DO WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY

AND ENJOY YOUR CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY . . . AND

ALSO BECAUSE I KNOW YOU BETTER BE READY

WITH SOME GREAT COOKIES FOR ME DURING THE

FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL NEXT YEAR BECAUSE I’M

GONNA WIN! WOOOOOWEEE! YEAH!

SEE YOU SOON!

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!

71

ME

72

CHAPTER 5: THE JANUARY CHAPTER

JANUARY 6

YOU:

YOU TOLD ME IN THE HALL JUST NOW THAT YOU

HAD A GREAT NEW YEAR'S DAY AND THEN YOU

FLASHED ME A PICTURE OF A PICTURE PROVING

THAT YOU WON. WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH

THAT? I HAD A PICTURE OF ONE OF THE MOST

EXPENSIVE SPORTS CARS IN THE WORLD AND

YOU SMOKE ME WITH A PICTURE OF A PICTURE.

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND GIVES AS A GIFT A

MILLION DOLLAR PICASSO? NOBODY DOES THAT!

THAT’S NOT A GIFT! THAT’S AN INVESTMENT.

I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WON. THAT’S SO . . .

IT’S SO . . . WELL, IT’S JUST RUDE! (AND I’M NOT

A SORE LOSER. I’M A POOR LOSER. THERE’S A

DIFFERENCE AND YOUR PICTURE PROVES IT. YOU

SHOULD PITY ME. EVEN IF MY DAD EARNS MORE

THAN YOURS, I’M THE ONE THAT HAS TO COUGH

UP THE COOKIES . . . WAIT. . . THAT WAS A BAD

CHOICE OF WORDS.)

SMOKED BY A PICTURE OF A PICTURE.

73

UNBELIEVABLE!

WELL, I CAN’T SPEAK FOR YOU BUT I’M READY TO

TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

AND, NO, I’M GOING TO SKIP RIGHT OVER THE

FACT THAT I’M THE ONLY ONE OF THE TWO OF US

THAT ACTUALLY HAD THEIR PICTURE TAKEN WITH

SANTA. I MADE A COMPLETE FOOL OF MYSELF

WHILE YOU DIDN’T PARTICIPATE IN THE CLEARLY

OPTIONAL CHOICE OF HAVING YOUR PICTURE

TAKEN WITH SANTA.

AND, BY THE WAY, I FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO

BELIEVE THAT FOR AN ENTIRE TWO WEEKS YOU

NEVER CAME ACROSS A SINGLE SANTA CLAUS

WHILE YOU WERE OUT SHOPPING WITH YOUR

FAMILY. OF COURSE, I ALSO REALIZE THAT YOU

NEVER ACTUALLY DENIED THAT YOU EVER SAW AN

UNIDENTIFIED SANTA OBJECT IN THE MALL. I JUST

FEEL LIKE BEING OVERLY DRAMATIC FOR

WHATEVER REASON WITH ALL OF THIS.

AT LEAST YOU CHECKED OUT SOME PERFUME

AND COLOGNE AND I DID TOO. IN FACT, THAT

WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO DO OVER

THE BREAK. AND IF YOU HEAR THAT S. B. WAS

ALSO AT THE MALL WHEN I WAS, IN FACT, AT THE

SAME PERFUME COUNTER AS I WAS, YES, IT’S

TRUE THAT SHE TOOK SOME COLOGNE AND

SPLASHED IT ON ME AND PROCEEDED TO

“SAMPLE” IT ON MY NECK. BUT JUST KNOW THAT

74

I TOOK NO REAL PLEASURE IN THAT EXPERIENCE.

IT’S ACTUALLY KIND OF HARD TO ENJOY WHEN

YOUR PARENTS WALK UP TO YOU

INTERRUPTING A FLIRTATIOUS FEMALE THAT’S

SNIFFING YOUR NECK WHILE SHE'S SAYING LOUD

ENOUGH FOR PRETTY MUCH ANYONE NEAR TO

HEAR, “ANYTIME YOU WANT . . . I CAN MAKE YOU

HAPPY. THERE’S NOTHING I WON’T DO.”

(AS I RECALL, HER MOVES WERE INTERRUPTED BY

MY FATHER’S INCREDIBLY LOUD “EXCUSE ME! BUT

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU

DOING TO MY SON?!” I’M CHUCKLING NOW

RECALLING IT BECAUSE YOU SHOULD’VE SEEN MY

DAD’S FACE. YOU WOULD’VE THOUGHT SHE WAS

GIVING ME LEPROSY OR SOMETHING. IT WAS

CLASSIC!)

BUT DESPITE WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A

RATHER EMBARRASSING MOMENT FOR HER WITH

ME IN THE MALL, I’M CONFIDENT THAT THAT

EXPERIENCE WON’T STOP HER FROM DOING HER

USUAL STOP BY TO RUN HER FINGERS THROUGH

MY HAIR SOMETIME TODAY IN THE HALL. SHE’S

APPARENTLY INCORRIGIBLE IN HER FLIRTATIOUS

WAYS.

SO WORD TO THE WISE, IF YOU HEAR ANY

RUMORS ABOUT SHE AND I FROM OVER THE

BREAK, THEY’RE JUST RUMORS AND NOTHING

MORE. THERE’S NOTHING BETWEEN US. THERE

NEVER HAS BEEN AND THERE NEVER WILL BE.

75

SHE’S NOT EXACTLY MY TYPE.

IN FACT, JUST BEFORE THE CHRISTMAS BREAK,

SOME GUYS IN THE LOCKER ROOM AFTER GYM

CLASS WERE TEASING ME THAT I’M PAST DUE

FOR LOSING MY VIRGINITY AND THAT THEY HAD

THE “PERFECT” CANDIDATE TO AID ME IN THAT

“LUST WORTHY” ENDEAVOR. YOU COULD TAKE A

GUESS AT WHO THEY CHOSE FOR ME BUT I’LL

JUST SPARE YOU THE SUSPENSE AND TELL YOU

THEY WERE RECOMMENDING S. B..

SO I ASKED THEM. I SAID, “OKAY. . . SO WHAT IF

I FOLLOW YOUR FOOL’S PLAN? WHAT NEXT?

WHERE WILL IT LEAD?” AND OF COURSE THEY

SAID “NIRVANA, MAN!” AND THEY ALL LAUGHED.

AND I COULDN’T STOP MYSELF FROM SAYING

BOLDLY, “YOU GUYS ARE SO UNCOOL! YOU

ACTUALLY WANT ME TO GO GET SOME S.T.I. OR

SOME BUFFET OF S.T.I.S AND THEN WHAT?

WHO’S GOING TO PAY FOR MY DOCTOR’S BILLS

TO SOLVE THE PROBLEMS THAT COME WITH IT?

WHO? YOU J. T.? OR YOU C. J.?

WHO’S GOING TO COMPENSATE ME FOR ANY

SICK DAYS I HAVE TO TAKE AWAY FROM WORK IN

MY FUTURE CAREER THAT COSTS ME MONEY –

MAYBE EVEN MY JOB – TEN OR TWENTY YEARS

FROM NOW AFTER I HAVE SEX WITH HER? YOU

D. B.? ARE YOU GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT

76

HAPPENS TO ME IF I FOLLOW YOUR FOOL, PEER

PRESSURE ADVICE? NO! I WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR

IT AND NONE OF YOU GUYS WILL EVEN BE

AROUND WHEN MY SUFFERING STARTS – LIKELY

BEGINNING IN JUST A MATTER OF DAYS FROM

DOING IT.

AND I HAVEN'T EVEN MENTIONED THE POTENTIAL

LOSS OF MY SOUL FOR DOING IT BEFORE

MARRIAGE, IN CASE ANY HERE BELIEVE IN

GOD...AND, BY THE WAY, I DO.

AND WHAT ABOUT HER? WHAT ABOUT HER SOUL

AND SALVATION? WHAT ABOUT HER FUTURE? ARE

YOU EVEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS IF

ONE OF YOU IDIOTS PUSHES SOME GUY TO HAVE

SEX WITH HER, TO USE HER AND THEN WHAT

HAPPENS IF SHE GETS PREGNANT? HUH? WHAT

HAPPENS?

ARE ONE OF YOU GUYS GOING TO BE AROUND TO

HELP HER DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF

YOUR PARTICIPATION SINCE YOU PUSHED

SOMEONE TO DO THAT TO HER? ARE ANY OF YOU

GOING TO PAY FOR HER CHILD CARE OR

BABYSITTERS OR RENT FOR HER HOUSE IF SHE

CHOOSES TO KEEP THE CHILD OF YOUR PEER

PRESSURE STUPIDITY? NO. YOU’LL ALL FLEE LIKE

COWARDS AND SAY SHE DESERVES IT WHEN, IN

FACT, YOU GUYS DESERVE TO BE CHARGED WITH

PARTICIPATION IN A CRIME.

77

WHAT CRIME? THE CRIME OF PERPETUATING

POTENTIALLY FATAL SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED

INFECTIONS AND PERPETUATING THE POVERTY

CYCLE HERE IN AMERICA BECAUSE OVER 90% OF

TEEN GIRLS THAT GET PREGNANT AND CHOOSE TO

KEEP THEIR BABIES WILL END UP LIVING THEIR

ENTIRE LIVES IN POVERTY – BROKE, POOR,

HUNGRY AND VULNERABLE TO A WHOLE VARIETY

OF CRIMES YOU AND I MAY NEVER HAVE TO

WORRY ABOUT BECAUSE WE’RE GUYS AND WE’RE

PROBABLY GOING TO EARN MORE MONEY SINCE

WE PROBABLY WON’T EVER HAVE ANY CHILDREN

UNTIL AFTER WE’VE GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE

AND HAVE A GOOD JOB.

"SOME OF YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A

GUY GETS A GIRL DRUNK AND SHE GETS

PREGNANT. SHE CAN BECOME AN ALCOHOLIC

AND LOSE CUSTODY OF HER CHILDREN WHEN THE

GOVERNMENT COMES AND TAKES HER CHILDREN

AWAY FROM HER AND PUTS THEM IN FOSTER

CARE SINCE SHE'S AN ADDICT AND THE FATHER

OF HER KIDS WAS IRRESPONSIBLE AND SELFISH

BY ABANDONING HER FINANCIALLY AND

EMOTIONALLY YEARS BEFORE SO IF SHE CAN'T

CARE FOR HER KIDS THEN TOTAL STRANGERS

HAVE TO.

“WHAT KIND OF STRANGERS? CHILD MOLESTERS

THAT TRICK ORGANIZATIONS INTO HIRING THEM

TO "CARE" FOR KIDS. OR DECEPTIVE STEP-DADS.

GUYS THAT WANT TO MARRY THE MOTHER OF

YOUR KIDS - NOT BECAUSE HE LOVES HER BUT

78

BECAUSE HE WANTS EASY ACCESS TO ONE OR

MORE OF HER KIDS TO MOLEST. BUT HIS SMILES

AND CHARMS FOOL HER INTO MARRYING HIM.

"AS LONG AS HE CAN GET ALONE WITH HER KIDS

AWAY FROM HER THEN HE CAN DO WHAT HE

WANTS WITH THEM SEXUALLY. MAYBE SHE'S A

DEEP SLEEPER AT NIGHT OR HE MAKES SURE SHE

SLEEPS DEEPLY OR HE "WORKS" FROM HOME

WHILE SHE WORKS AWAY FROM HOME DURING

THE DAY THEN HE CAN FULFILL HIS DARK DESIRES

WHILE SHE JUST BELIEVES HE'S SOME GREAT GUY

FOR MARRYING HER AND PUTTING A SO-CALLED

END TO THE PROBLEMS OF HER BEING A SINGLE

MOM.

“BUT HE'LL NEVER ADMIT WHAT HE'S UP TO AND

HE'S PROBABLY THREATENED HER KIDS WITH

SOME EVIL TO KEEP THEM QUIET. NOW IF ANY OF

YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN VICTIMS OF THIS, WHY

WOULD YOU WANT IT TO HAPPEN TO SOMEONE

ELSE? STATISTICS SHOW THAT NEARLY 99% OF

ALL CHILD MOLESTERS ARE MALE. WHY WOULD

YOU WANT TO PERPETUATE THAT CYCLE?

"AS LONG AS THERE'S NOT ENOUGH MONEY

EARNED FOR HER FAMILY THEN SHE HAS TO BE

AWAY FROM HOME. IF THE MOTHER,- THE

SAFEST, MOST TRUSTWORTHY ADULT FOR HER

KIDS TO BE WITH – MUST BE AWAY FROM HOME

THEN HER KIDS HAVE TO BE SENT TO DAYCARE

OR SOME OTHER PLACE WHERE HER CHILDREN

ARE AT RISK FOR VARIOUS KINDS OF ABUSE AND

79

CERTAINLY SUFFER EMOTIONALLY FROM HAVING

TO BE AWAY FROM THE KIND OF EMOTIONAL

SECURITY THAT ONLY BEING AT HOME WITH MOM

BRINGS.

“I BELIEVE WE WILL ALL ONE DAY BE HELD

ACCOUNTABLE BEFORE GOD FOR EVERY ONE OF

OUR CHOICES. DON'T YOU THINK FOR ONE

MINUTE HE'S NOT GOING TO PUNISH THOSE THAT

FREELY CHOOSE TO CAUSE OTHERS TO SUFFER.

THERE MUST BE CONSEQUENCES FOR OUR

CHOICES. GOOD CONSEQUENCES OR REWARDS

FOR GOOD CHOICES AND NEGATIVE

CONSEQUENCES FOR OUR BAD CHOICES.

“WHAT WILL YOU DO IF YOU GET A GIRL

PREGNANT AND THEN ABANDON HER AND SHE

WANTS TO KEEP HER KIDS RATHER THAN PUTTING

THEM UP FOR ADOPTION TO A FAMILY WHERE

THEY EARN ENOUGH FOR THE MOTHER TO GIVE

THEM THE BEST CARE?

“HOW WILL YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION YOUR

KIDS ARE BOUND TO ASK YOU AFTER THIS LIFE,

QUESTIONS LIKE: 'WHY DID YOU MAKE ME STAY

WITH THOSE STRANGE MEN AT THAT DAYCARE OR

IN FOSTER CARE? DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT THEY

DID TO ME? I COULDN'T DEFEND MYSELF

BECAUSE THEY WERE SO MUCH STRONGER AND

BIGGER THAN ME. I COULD GET IN TROUBLE FOR

DISOBEYING AN ADULT. WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME

TO GO THROUGH SUCH SUFFERING?

80

“WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE MOM POSSIBLY NO

OTHER CHOICE BUT TO LEAVE ME WITH

STRANGERS TO BE ABUSED BY THE SAME GUY(S)

FOR OVER FOUR YEARS? NO ONE SHOULD EVER

GET GONORRHEA OF THE THROAT - ESPECIALLY

NOT A SIX- YEAR- OLD OR EVEN A TEEN.'

“DO ANY OF YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THE

CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS UPON

OTHERS BEFORE YOU ACT? I CAN TELL THAT THE

ANSWER TO THAT IS ‘NO’ AND THAT IT’S ABOUT

TIME THAT YOU STARTED!”

I THREW DOWN MY TOWEL AND WALKED OUT. I

WAS SO DISGUSTED AND TICKED. I’VE GOT A

PITCHER OF ICE WATER THAT CARES MORE ABOUT

MY HAPPINESS AND HEALTH AND THE WELFARE OF

OTHERS MORE THAN THEY DO.

SOME GUYS ARE SO STUPID TO THINK THAT THEY

SUPPOSEDLY HAVE TO HAVE SEX JUST TO PROVE

SOMETHING TO OTHER GUYS – LIKE “YOU MUST

BE GAY IF YOU’RE A STILL A VIRGIN” OR “YOU’RE

NOT A REAL MAN IF YOU HAVEN’T HAD SEX YET.”

THEY DON’T EVEN REALIZE THAT WHAT THEY’RE

REALLY SAYING IS THAT ONLY GUYS WITH S.T.I.S

AND ABANDONED EX-GIRLFRIENDS WHO HAVE

GIVEN BIRTH TO THEIR EQUALLY ABANDONED

CHILDREN ARE “REAL MEN.” WHAT A SCREWED UP

DEFINITION OF WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MAN.

THAT’S NOT WHAT A “REAL” MAN IS.

81

DON’T ANY OF THESE GUYS HAVE DECENT GOD-

LOVING FATHERS TO SHOW THEM THAT BEING A

MAN MEANS TAKING RESPONSIBILITY AND BEING

CARING ENOUGH NOT TO PUT OTHERS INTO

DIFFICULT POSITIONS TO BEGIN WITH? AND I’D

SAY THAT TEEN PREGNANCY AND S.T.I.S ARE

DIFFICULT POSITIONS TO BE IN LIFE WHEN YOU’VE

MADE WRONG CHOICES.

ONE GUY SAID A GIRL HE WAS PUSHING FOR SEX

FINALLY TOLD HIM SHE WAS NOT ON BIRTH

CONTROL. HE DUMPED HER AFTER THAT.

I SAY GOOD FOR HER. SHE DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE

SEX WITH HIM. THE FACT THAT SHE DIDN'T HAVE

THE PHYSICAL PROBLEMS THAT COME FROM

TAKING BIRTH CONTROL NOR THE FINANCIAL

HASSLE OF IT ALL SAYS TO ME THAT SHE MADE A

GOOD CHOICE.

IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE FOR A GIRL TO TAKE

BIRTH CONTROL WHEN YOU'RE COMMITTED TO

NOT HAVING SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE. SHE GETS

TO AVOID SO MANY PROBLEMS WITH HER

WISDOM. THAT WAS COOL FOR ME TO HEAR.

WELL, I SUPPOSE THAT’S ENOUGH LECTURING

ABOUT WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW REGARDING

THE CLEAR DEFICIT IN THE INTELLIGENCE POINTS

OF AVERAGE MALE TEENS – HOPEFULLY WITH THE

EXCEPTION OF YOURS TRULY HERE.

82

SO ANYHOO . . . I GUESS YOU’VE NEVER SEEN

THAT SIDE OF ME. I’M FAIRLY PROTECTIVE OF

WOMEN AND I BELIEVE THEY DESERVE MORE

RESPECT THAN THEY GET FROM GUYS (AND EVEN

SOMETIMES FROM ONE ANOTHER). BUT SINCE

THAT TENDENCY TO STAND FOR WHAT’S RIGHT

REGARDING PEER PRESSURE AND SEX IS A TRAIT

THAT I FEEL IS GOOD TO HAVE, DON’T EXPECT ME

TO CHANGE OR LEAVE IT ANYTIME SOON

BECAUSE THAT’S JUST WHO I AM.

TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME BUT ON THAT SUBJECT I

WON’T BE CHANGING HOPEFULLY EVER (UNLESS

IT’S SOMEHOW FOR THE BETTER).

IT’S A GOOD THING YOU DON’T SPEND MUCH

TIME IN MALE LOCKER ROOMS. YOU’D PROBABLY

THROW UP TO KNOW JUST HOW PERVERTED

SOME GUYS CAN BE ABOUT THE SUBJECT OF

SEX.

YOU HALF-JOKED ABOUT WANTING TO VISIT AN

EMPTY MALE RESTROOM TO GET DIRT SAMPLES,

BUT IF YOU EVER WANT TO ENTER A MALE LOCKER

ROOM – EVEN AN EMPTY ONE – I HIGHLY

RECOMMEND THAT YOU WEAR A BIOHAZARD SUIT

TO PROTECT YOU FROM . . . A LOT OF SCARY

STUFF. (I’M ONLY HALF-JOKING ABOUT THAT.)

WELL, I’M GLAD YOU SEEMED TO HAVE ENJOYED

YOUR CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY. AND OVERALL, EVEN

83

THOUGH I REALLY MISSED YOU, MY CHRISTMAS

BREAK WAS GREAT!

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

LATER!

ME

P.S. I GUESS THERE’S NO AVOIDING THE

INEVITABLE QUESTION: WHAT KIND OF

HOMEMADE COOKIES DO YOU WANT?

84

[6th anonymous note put in your locker.]

January 14

You looked at me in the hall recently and it’s

almost as if you knew who I really am. You

looked, it seemed, for a long time. Or maybe you

were actually looking at someone else.

Whatever was happening at that moment you

had me absolutely paralyzed in a delirious high

for a few moments that seemed to last an

eternity.

You could have walked right up to me and asked

me flat out, “Is it you?” and I wouldn’t have been

able to stop myself from confessing everything.

I would have said, “Yes. I’m the one that’s

leaving you love letters in your locker. Yes. I am

your Secret Admirer.” But that’s not what

happened. And thank goodness too because

shortly after I would have confessed would have

been about the time I would have subsequently

passed out from a sudden heart attack of utter

happiness to be so close to you and have you

know the truth with the hope – even if it’s a slim

hope – that you would want me as much as I

want you.

Maybe it would be a good idea for you to bring

EMT paddles for CPR with you everywhere you

85

go in case you ever do approach me and ask

me the question I’m too afraid to answer today

and nearly every day.

But until then, I remain in the hidden prison of

my heart often dreaming of you.

Love,

Your Secret Admirer

…Roaring out power greater than a stormy

ocean out of control…

86

[7th anonymous note put in your locker.]

January 21

Title: “No Place Better”

There is no place better to be than here with you

It brings a feeling better than Christmas

I’ve seen some of the most extravagant places

around the world

I’ve seen some of the most spectacular views

But there’s no better view than seeing you

It’s better than the finest art any great artist

could make

There is no place better to be than here with you

It brings a feeling better than the best birthday

I’ve heard some of the finest music the world

has ever known

I’ve tasted some of the finest drinks from the

purest vines

But there’s no better sound than your voice in

my ears

And I bet that the taste of your kiss is better than

anything else on earth

There is no place better to be than here with you

It brings a feeling better than the greatest roller

coaster high

87

I’ve read some of the most renowned books by

the best scholars

I’ve learned some of the most advanced lessons

from the finest minds

But second only to God Himself there’s no better

source of inspiration than you

You inspire me to be better than I’ve ever been

And better than I am now

There is no place better to be than here with you

You send me to the highest heights

You place me on top of the world

You’re better than any drug the doctor could

order

You bring a feeling that lights up the room

You bring a feeling that makes the night come

alive

You bring a feeling that it’s just me and you in

this heavenly place here on earth

You bring it

You bring it

There is no place better to be than here with you

Here in heaven

Right here on earth

Bring it.

Love,

Your Secret Admirer

88

JANUARY 28

YOU:

LOOKS LIKE IT’S BEEN AWHILE SINCE I’VE GOTTEN

YOU ANOTHER AMAZINGLY BORING NOTE.

CLASSES AND HOMEWORK HAVE TAKEN OVER

MUCH OF MY LIFE LATELY. BUT NEVER FEAR!

ANOTHER NOTE IS HERE!

SO HOW ARE YOU? ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE YOU

SAD? ARE YOU GLAD WHEN I’M NOT MAKING YOU

MAD? (YEAH, THAT LAST ONE WAS A TRICK

QUESTION. KIND OF LIKE THE TRICK QUESTION IN

THE POP QUIZ OF MY LAST CLASS. AAARGH!)

WELL, YOU CERTAINLY SEEM TO BE IN ESPECIALLY

GOOD SPIRITS THESE DAYS. I THINK YOUR OUT-

OF-THE-BLUE HUG FOR ME KIND OF GAVE IT AWAY

THAT YOU’RE HAPPY OVER SOMETHING. PERHAPS

YOU COULD CLUE ME IN ON THE GOOD NEWS OF

YOUR LIFE.

DID YOU WIN THE LOTTERY AND SO NOW YOU’RE

GOING TO BUY ME A CAR – ONE THAT JUST

HAPPENS TO BEAR A STRONG RESEMBLANCE TO

THE ONE IN MY CHRISTMAS CONTEST PICTURE?

OR ARE YOU GOING TO BUY ME A BUNCH OF

MANGO DELIGHT FRUIT CAKE? OR ARE YOU

THINKING OF PRANKING ME BY BUYING THAT

89

PICTURE THAT I STILL THINK ISN’T A GIFT BUT IS

REALLY AN INVESTMENT? (WELL, OKAY. . . IF YOU

INSIST!)

OR IS IT SOMETHING ELSE? I WOULDN’T THINK

STRAIGHT A'S WOULD GET YOU TOO EXCITED

SINCE I THINK YOU GET THOSE ALREADY IN YOUR

SLEEP SO IT MUST BE SOMETHING ELSE. LET’S

SEE... IS IT... A NEW PAIR OF WRESTLING SHOES?

NO. THAT COULDN’T BE IT BECAUSE YOU DON’T

WRESTLE. SILLY ME.

MAYBE IT’S PROFESSIONAL TENNIS LESSONS!

YOU LOVE TO WATCH PRO TENNIS. MAYBE

THAT’S IT? NO. THAT’S PROBABLY NOT IT.

OH, WAIT... I LOVE PRO TENNIS. NOT YOU. (NOTE

TO SELF: SHE’S NOT THE PRO TENNIS LOVER.

YOU ARE.) OH! I’VE GOT IT! YOU’RE BUYING ME

PRO TENNIS LESSONS! YES! YES! NO.

OKAY. I’LL TRY AGAIN.

OOOOOH... YEAH... MAYBE IT’S SOMETHING

LIKE... YOU’RE IN LOVE?

IF THAT’S IT THEN YOU MUST TELL ME!

WAIT... WHAT IF IT’S A GUY THAT’S NO GOOD

FOR YOU? WHAT IF HE’S SOME JERK THAT I

KNOW FROM GYM CLASS? WHAT IF HE’S A TOTAL

90

STRANGER THAT YOU MET ONLINE THAT’S A

TOTAL LIAR THAT’S ONE OF THOSE PSYCHO

KILLERS THAT STALKS AND TARGETS GIRLS OVER

THE INTERNET AND HE JUST HASN’T BEEN CAUGHT

YET? STAY AWAY FROM GUYS ONLINE THAT

APPROACH YOU CLAIMING THEY’RE IN LOVE WITH

YOU! WARNING! STRANGER DANGER! (I’M

COMPLETELY SERIOUS ABOUT THAT. DON’T EVEN

THINK ABOUT IT.)

OR WHAT IF IT’S A GUY THAT I KNOW? ONE OF

MY GOOD FRIENDS? SOMEONE GOOD ENOUGH

TO DESERVE YOU?

MAYBE I DON’T WANT TO KNOW AFTER ALL.

BUT DON’T LET THAT STOP YOU FROM HUGGING

ME. I STILL WANT THE HUGS! (I THINK.)

LATER!

ME

91

CHAPTER 6: THE FEBRUARY CHAPTER

FEBRUARY 5

YOU:

I HAVE TO SAY THAT IT'S SO COOL THAT YOU

LOVE TO READ. THAT MUST BE WHY YOU'RE SO

SMART. AND WHEN YOU TOLD ME RECENTLY THAT

YOU BELIEVE IN HEARING THE TRUTH, EVEN WHEN

THE TRUTH MAY BE UNPLEASANT, I WAS SO

IMPRESSED.

YOU MADE A GOOD POINT THAT ALL TRUTHS ARE

NOT OF THE SAME WORTH AND THEY AREN'T

ALWAYS PLEASANT. BUT WHEN SOMETHING

SOUNDS NEGATIVE YET CAN BE STILL BE VITAL TO

LEARN, SUCH AS A WARNING FOR OVERALL

HAPPINESS, THAT GOT ME THINKING.

IT'S SO COOL THAT YOU MAKE ME THINK MORE

DEEPLY THAN I SOMETIMES DO.

OKAY. YOU STILL HAVEN’T ANSWERED MY

QUESTION ABOUT WHY YOU’VE BEEN IN AN

ESPECIALLY GOOD MOOD LATELY. THIS KEEPS MY

CURIOSITY INTACT.

IT DOESN’T SEEM TO BE OVER ANY LOTTERY

92

WINNINGS SINCE YOU’RE NOT A GAMBLER. (AND,

OF COURSE, THE FACT THAT YOU’RE NOT DRIVING

A NEW CAR AND YOU HAVEN’T GIVEN ME – YOUR

BESTEST, BESTEST MOST FAVORITE AND

COOLEST GUYFRIEND EVER – A NEW CAR OR

TENNIS LESSONS OR A PAINTING THAT’S

ACTUALLY AN INVESTMENT – THESE ARE ALL

CLUES THAT YOU HAVEN’T RECENTLY COME INTO

A LARGE WINDFALL OF MONEY.)

IT DOESN’T SEEM TO BE OVER ANY STRAIGHT A'S

SINCE I LEARNED YOU GOT A “B+” IN SCIENCE.

(DON’T WORRY. I STILL LOVE YOU JUST AS YOU

ARE.)

YOU HAVEN’T BOUGHT ME A YEAR’S SUPPLY OF

MANGO DELIGHT FRUIT CAKE SO THAT MUST NOT

BE WHY YOU’RE SO GLAD THESE DAYS.

SO I MUST DEDUCE THAT IT’S ABOUT... IT’S

ABOUT... (I CAN HARDLY WRITE THE WORDS)... IT

MUST BE ABOUT A GUY. (OH! DAGGERS!

DAGGERS TO MY HEART! DAGGERS!)

SO IF IT IS AND IF YOU INSIST ON NOT TELLING

ME ABOUT HIM THEN I MUST SHARE WITH YOU MY

ALL-KNOWING, ALL-WISE EXPERTNESS ON THE

SUBJECT OF MEN SO AS TO DO MY FRIENDLY

DUTY TO PROTECT YOU FROM POSSIBLE JERKS

DISGUISED AS GREAT GUYS THAT SMILE A LOT.

LADIES NEED TO KNOW SOME RULES GUYS USE

93

TO TRICK GIRLS INTO GETTING INTO A LOT OF

TROUBLE WITH THEM. LEARN THESE LARGELY

UNREVEALED “GUYS ONLY” RULES AND LADIES

SUCH AS YOURSELF MAY PREVENT SOME

SERIOUS HEARTACHE AND PAIN.

LET ME TELL YOU NOW, I AM SO SORRY IF ANY OF

THIS IS HARD TO HEAR BUT YOU SAID YOU KNOW

NOT ALL TRUTHS ARE PLEASANT AND KNOWING

SOME TOUGH FACTS IN ADVANCE ARE WHAT'S

OFTEN NEEDED TO KNOW HOW TO RECOGNIZE

DANGER AND TROUBLE SPECIFICALLY TO PREVENT

OR AVOID IT.

JERK RULE #1: JERKS ENCOURAGE GUYS TO

BRING ALCOHOL TO GET HER DRUNK OR GET A

GIRL TO DRINK A DRINK THE JERK GUY MAKES

FOR HER OR THAT HE CAN TAMPER WITH WHEN

SHE’S NOT LOOKING.

JERK'S GOAL: JERKS WANT TO GET HER DRUNK

ENOUGH SO THAT SHE’S NOT STRONG ENOUGH

OR CLEAR THINKING ENOUGH OR PHYSICALLY

ABLE TO FIGHT HIM OFF WHEN THE JERK STARTS

TO DATE RAPE HER (MEANING THE GUY FORCES

HER TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM BECAUSE SHE’S TOO

DRUNK TO SAY NO OR TO RESIST).

IF HE CAN CAN TAMPER WITH HER DRINK BY

SLIPPING IN A DATE RAPE DRUG WHEN SHE’S NOT

LOOKING (IT’S AN ODORLESS AND TASTELESS

DRUG) THEN SHE’LL PASS OUT AND HE AND AS

MANY OF HIS FRIENDS AS THEY WANT CAN USE

94

HER FOR SEX FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR OR MORE

AND SHE’LL BE PASSED OUT THE WHOLE TIME SO

SHE CAN’T SAY NO. THE DRUG CAN EVEN MESS

WITH HER MEMORY SO SHE DOESN’T REMEMBER

ENOUGH DETAILS TO ACCURATELY IDENTIFY THE

GUY(S) THAT RAPED HER.

HE COULD ALSO USE YOUR DRUNKEN STATE TO

TAKE PORNOGRAPHIC PICTURES OF YOU TO SEXT

TO OTHERS OR TO POST UP ON THE INTERNET.

HE COULD EVEN MAKE A VIDEO OF IT AND

BLACKMAIL YOU SAYING THAT IF YOU DON’T

AGREE TO KEEP HAVING SEX WITH HIM FOR THE

NEXT SEVERAL WEEKS OR MONTHS OR IF YOU

DON’T LET HIS FRIENDS HAVE SEX WITH YOU

ALSO (EVEN IF HE THREATENS GANG RAPE) THEN

HE’LL POST THE VIDEO OR PICTURES OF YOU

NUDE OR HAVING SEX WITH HIM ONLINE AND

HE’LL CLAIM YOU’RE A SLUT.

LEGAL GUESSES: THIS IS NON-CONSENSUAL SEX

WHICH IS BASICALLY RAPE AND I'M GUESSING IT’S

MOST LIKELY ILLEGAL. I HEARD SOMEWHERE IT IS

FINALLY POSSIBLE TO PROSECUTE A GUY FOR SEX

WITH A GIRL THAT WAS INTOXICATED PRECISELY

BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T CONSENT (AGREE OR

THINK CLEARLY ENOUGH TO AGREE TO SEX WITH

THE GUY) WHILE SHE WAS UNDER THE INFLUENCE.

FINALLY ATTORNEYS AND JUDGES ARE USING

MORE COMMON SENSE TO GET BETTER JUSTICE

FOR VICTIMS OF RAPE.

95

DIRTY CRIMINAL DEFENSE LAWYERS (ATTORNEYS

THAT DEFEND GUYS THAT ARE ACCUSED OF OR

ARE GUILTY OF RAPE) WILL STILL TRY TO POINT

OUT THAT SHE (THE VICTIM) DRINKS ALCOHOL SO

SHE MUST HAVE BEEN TOO DRUNK TO RECALL

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED OR TOO DRUNK TO BE

ABLE TO ACCURATELY IDENTIFY THE GUY THAT

ACTUALLY DID IT.

OR THEY’LL SAY BECAUSE SHE DRINKS ALCOHOL

SHE PROBABLY HAS SEX WITH LOTS OF GUYS

AND IN THIS CASE SHE SIMPLY CHANGED HER

MIND AFTERWARDS AND CLAIMED IT WAS RAPE

WHEN INITIALLY IT WAS CONSENSUAL.

OR SHE’S AN ANGRY FEMALE THAT JUST WANTS

REVENGE BECAUSE HE IS DATING SOME OTHER

GIRL SO IT MUST NOT HAVE BEEN RAPE BECAUSE

SHE DRINKS ALCOHOL OR DOES DRUGS SO NO

ONE SHOULD BELIEVE HER WHEN SHE’S REALLY

JUST JEALOUS THAT HE IS DATING SOMEONE

ELSE.

TOO OFTEN CASES WHERE THE FEMALE WAS

INTOXICATED ARE CASES THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO

PROSECUTE (MEANING THAT TOO OFTEN GUYS

DON'T GET IN TROUBLE FOR IT.)

HEALTH ISSUES: IN ADDITION TO THIS GUY GIVING

YOU ONE OR MORE S.T.I.S HE CAN GET YOU

PREGNANT AND ABANDON YOU AFTERWARDS. IF

HE’S TOO “BIG” (ESPECIALLY IF HE... FOR LACK

96

OF A LESS GRAPHIC CHOICE OF WORDS...

“ABUSES” YOUR RECTUM) OR IF HE AGREES TO

LET HIS FRIENDS RAPE YOU ALSO THEN YOU CAN

SUFFER A LOT OF PHYSICAL DAMAGE WHERE YOU

WOULD NEED SPECIAL MEDICAL CARE TO HELP

YOU HEAL AND YOU’LL LIKELY BE IN A LOT OF PAIN

FOR POSSIBLY DAYS AT A TIME AFTER. OVERALL,

RAPE IS A TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE, SELFISH CRIME.

WITH JUST A FEW OF THE RISKS MENTIONED

ABOVE THAT ARE POSSIBLE TO SUFFER, ANY

FEMALE THAT IS THINKING CLEARLY WILL NEVER

THINK IT'S WORTH IT TO TRY SEX BEFORE

MARRIAGE – ESPECIALLY DRUNKEN OR

INTOXICATED SEX – NOT EVEN ONCE.

IF SHE'S SMART, RATIONAL, OR THINKING

REASONABLY SHE'LL SAY NO AND BE SO MUCH

HAPPIER FOR IT AS SHE WISELY AVOIDS SO MANY

DIFFERENT RISKS OF DANGERS, SORROWS AND

SUFFERING LIKE THE ONES WRITTEN ABOVE.

LESSONS TO BE LEARNED: YOU’LL LOSE IN MORE

WAYS THAN ONE IF YOU AGREE TO SPEND TIME

ALONE WITH A GUY THAT YOU CHOOSE TO DRINK

BEER WITH OR SOME OTHER ALCOHOLIC

BEVERAGE WITH. YOU’LL ALSO LOSE IN MANY

WAYS IF YOU DO DRUGS WITH A GUY.

OVERALL, IF YOU ARE INTOXICATED IN ANY WAY

AT ANYTIME BECAUSE YOU CHOOSE TO TRY

ALCOHOL OR DRUGS THEN AT ANYTIME IN THE

FUTURE ANY LAWYER CAN ASK YOU IF YOU’VE

97

EVER DRANK ALCOHOL OR DONE DRUGS AND IF

THEY CAN PROVE THAT YOU HAVE THEN THEY CAN

DESTROY YOUR CREDIBILITY WHICH MEANS THEY

CAN GIVE THE JUDGE AND JURY ENOUGH

JUSTIFICATION TO MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE YOUR

WORD IS NOT RELIABLE BECAUSE WHEN YOU

CAN’T THINK CLEARLY THEN YOU CAN’T IDENTIFY A

PERSON ACCURATELY OR THE TRUTH ABOUT A

SITUATION OR EVENT ACCURATELY BECAUSE YOU

CHOSE OF YOUR OWN FREE WILL TO HAVE YOUR

MENTAL CAPACITIES IMPAIRED SO THEREFORE

YOU ARE NOT A TRUSTWORTHY PERSON FOR ANY

TESTIMONY OR AS A WITNESS IN COURT.

AND BEFORE I END THIS NOTE OF WARNING

THERE ARE TWO MORE QUICK LESSONS: 1) WHEN

YOU ARE DRUNK OR ON DRUGS, IF HE LEAVES

YOU ALONE SOME PLACE FOR ANY AMOUNT OF

TIME FOR ANY REASON THEN YOU WILL BE

VULNERABLE TO A TOTAL STRANGER KIDNAPPING

YOU AND USING YOU AS A PERMANENT SEX

SLAVE FOR YEARS AND YEARS OR EVEN

MURDERING YOU.

SO IF A GUY EVER WANTS TO GET YOU DRUNK OR

HIGH, NO MATTER HOW YOUNG OR OLD YOU MAY

BE, HE IS NOT LOOKING OUT FOR YOUR SAFETY

OR HAPPINESS. AND BESIDES, JUST HOW SAFE

ARE YOU ANYWAY WITH A DRUNK DATE IF A

SOBER CRIMINAL COMES ALONG AND BEATS UP

YOUR WEAK (DRUNK) DATE TO KIDNAP YOU

ANYWAY?

98

2) IF A JERK DOESN’T TRY TO GET YOU

INTOXICATED THEN HE’LL TRY AND SHOW YOU

SOME PORN TO CONVINCE YOU THAT NORMAL

OR COOL WOMEN HAVE SEX WITH GUYS WITHOUT

BEING MARRIED TO HIM FIRST.

BUT MOST PORN IS A LIE BECAUSE EVERY GIRL

AND NEARLY ALL WOMEN THAT ARE USED IN PORN

MAGAZINES AND VIDEOS ARE OFTEN FORCED

INTO IT EITHER BY BEING KIDNAPPED FIRST OR

INTOXICATION THAT RESULTS IN KIDNAPPING THAT

RESULTS IN THESE WOMEN BEING USED AS SEX

SLAVES (SOMETIMES CALLED “PROSTITUTES”)

FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND THEIR FAMILY

MEMBERS OFTEN HAVE TROUBLE FINDING THESE

MISSING FEMALES. IT’S TRULY HORRIBLE.

AND THOSE FEW WOMEN THAT CHOOSE TO SIGN

CONTRACTS TO BE PAID AND USED FOR SEX

VIDEOS OFTEN GET TRICKED INTO SIGNING VAGUE

AGREEMENTS WHERE THE MOVIE PRODUCER CAN

CHANGE THE RULES WHENEVER HE WANTS SO IF

HE TELLS HER TO SHOW UP TO FILM A SEX SCENE

WITH ONE GUY HE CAN CHANGE HIS MIND AND

HAVE HER SHOW UP UNPREPARED TO BE

BRUTALLY ABUSED AND GANG RAPED INSTEAD AS

A MEANS OF MALE ENTERTAINMENT FOR A

DIFFERENT MOVIE OR VIDEO INSTEAD. NEARLY ALL

RAPE SCENES IN MOVIES – EVEN R-RATED

MOVIES – ARE NOT FAKE.

AND DON’T EXPECT ANYONE TO ASK HER HOW

SHE FEELS ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS BECAUSE,

99

AFTER ALL, SHE SIGNED UP FOR IT. (PEOPLE IN

THE SEX TRADE ARE BASICALLY SOCIOPATHIC.

THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYONE’S WELFARE OR

SATISFACTION. THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT THEIR

OWN SELFISH WANTS AND FINANCIAL GREED TO

PROFIT OFF OF HER PAIN AND SUFFERING.)

JERK RULE #2: JERKS WILL TELL A GIRL ANYTHING

AND EVERYTHING SHE WANTS TO HEAR IN ORDER

TO CONVINCE HER TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM – THE

KIND OF SEX THAT THE GUY WANTS WHEN HE

WANTS IT. JERKS DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT

WHAT SHE WANTS. JERKS THINK GIRLS WILL

BELIEVE ANYTHING – ESPECIALLY IF A HE TELLS

HER, “I LOVE YOU.”

ONCE SHE’S GIVEN HIM THE SEX HE WANTS,

WHEN HE GETS TIRED OF HER HE JUST DUMPS

HER AND DOES THE SAME THING ALL OVER AGAIN

TO GET A DIFFERENT GIRL TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM

UNTIL HE GETS TIRED OF HER TOO.

MOST GUYS WANT SEX WITH A VARIETY OF

DIFFERENT WOMEN. LOTS OF US BELIEVE THE LIE

THAT SEX WITH JUST ONE WOMAN IS BORING.

(THE LIE BASICALLY IS THERE TO CONVINCE GUYS

THAT MARRIAGE IS BORING. BUT I BELIEVE THAT'S

GOT TO BE A LIE SINCE THE HAPPIEST GUYS I

KNOW HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO THE SAME

WOMAN FOR DECADES AND DECADES.)

JERK'S GOAL: SINCE GODLESS GUYS (THOSE

100

THAT ACTUALLY HATE RIGHTEOUSNESS EVEN

THOUGH THEY MAY VERBALLY DENY SUCH) LOVE

THE IDEA OF HAVING PRE-MARITAL SEX –

ESPECIALLY REALLY PERVERTED OR

“EXPERIMENTAL” SEX – WITH A WHOLE BUNCH OF

DIFFERENT GIRLS INSTEAD OF THE SAME GIRL,

THIS TRICK IS COMMON WITH MOST GUYS. THE

IDEA IS THAT HE WILL SMOOTH TALK A GIRL TO

MAKE HER BELIEVE SHE’LL ENJOY SEX WITH HIM.

BUT THE FACT THAT MOST GUYS EITHER DON’T

TALK ABOUT THE TRUTH OF WHAT A WOMAN

REALLY ENJOYS IN SEX (OR ARE JUST TOO

SELFISH TO THINK ABOUT WHAT SHE ACTUALLY

LIKES AS OPPOSED TO THE LIES THE PORN

INDUSTRY SPREADS ABOUT WHAT A WOMAN

LIKES) IS THE FACT THAT MOST OFTEN, GUYS

DON’T CARE ABOUT A YOUNG WOMAN’S

COMFORT OR PLEASURE NEARLY AS MUCH AS

THEY THINK OF THEIR OWN.

SO MOST YOUNG LADIES HAVE THE SAME

COMPLAINT AFTER SEX WITH A GUY: THAT IT

REALLY HURT HER PHYSICALLY (SOME GIRLS

ACTUALLY CRY BUT HE WON’T STOP – EVEN IF

SHE IS BLEEDING) OR THAT IT WASN’T AS

EXCITING OR FUN AS SHE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.

THIS IS BECAUSE GUYS JUST WANT TO SATISFY

THEMSELVES FIRST AND FOREMOST AND THEY

DON’T WANT TO BELIEVE THE FACT THAT FEMALES

ARE SATISFIED SEXUALLY IN WAYS THAT ARE

MUCH MORE DIFFERENT THAN GUYS REALIZE. OR,

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TO BE FRANK, PUTTING SOMETHING IN ANY

FEMALE’S ORIFICES JUST ISN’T AS PLEASANT FOR

FEMALES AS GUYS WANT TO BELIEVE.

PLUS MEN OFTEN WANT TO TRY A BUNCH OF

DIFFERENT SEXUAL POSITIONS THAT DON’T

INVOLVE HAVING THE WOMAN LYING ON HER

BACK ON A COMFORTABLE BED (THE MOST

PHYSICALLY COMFORTABLE AND SATISFYING

POSITION FOR MOST WOMEN) WHICH ALSO

PROVES THAT MOST OF THE SEX MEN WANT IS

FOCUSED ON SATISFYING MEN SINCE MEN CAN

ENJOY SEX IN FAR MANY MORE DIFFERENT

POSITIONS THAN A WOMAN CAN.

MEN ALSO THINK SEX IS MUTUALLY FULFILLING

WHEN IT’S FAST AND ONLY LASTS A FEW MINUTES

EVEN THOUGH WOMEN OFTEN ENJOY IT MUCH

MORE WHEN IT'S SLOW AND LASTS FOR MUCH

LONGER THAN MEN PLAN ON (SINCE WOMEN CAN

ENJOY IT FOR LITERALLY OVER AN HOUR OR

LONGER WHEN A MAN IS FOCUSED JUST ON HER

INSTEAD OF ON HIMSELF). WOMEN MAY SPEAK

THE TRUTH ABOUT THESE MATTERS BUT GUYS

FEEL INSULTED WHEN WHAT WOMEN SAY

ACTUALLY TURNS OUT TO BE TRUE.

MOST OF THE LIES ABOUT SEX THAT US GUYS

BELIEVE ARE LIES STARTED BY THE PORN

INDUSTRY AND PERPETUATED BY SELFISH GUYS

THAT MAKE UP FAKE STORIES ABOUT THEIR OWN

SEXUAL EXPERIENCE WITH A WOMAN OR WHAT

THEY HEARD ABOUT FROM SOMEONE ELSE.

102

AND, SADLY, SOME FEMALES THAT WERE

SEXUALLY ABUSED AS CHILDREN OFTEN

PERPETUATE SEXUAL MYTHS MORE AS A MEANS

TO SATISFY THE GUY(S) THEY DATE OR ARE

MARRIED TO THAT ABUSE THEM AS ADULTS

(ALTHOUGH THESE WOMEN HAVE BEEN TAUGHT

TO BELIEVE THAT IT’S NOT ABUSE EVEN THOUGH

IT REALLY IS).

AND WHERE DO US GUYS GET THESE TERRIBLE

AND SELFISH IDEAS FROM THAT ULTIMATELY HURT

GIRLS AND WOMEN? MOVIES, MUSIC, PORN,

TELEVISION, THE INTERNET, SOCIAL NETWORKING,

MAGAZINES, PLENTY OF ADULTS THAT SET A BAD

EXAMPLE, TERRIBLE DADS OR TOO MANY BAD

OLDER BROTHERS OR GUYS FROM SCHOOL OR

FRIENDS FROM SCHOOL (IF NOT THEIR DADS) OR

MOST OFTEN A COMBINATION OF IT ALL.

LEGAL GUESSES: ALTHOUGH IT’S ETHICALLY

WRONG FOR A GUY TO LIE TO A WOMAN TO GET

HER TO BELIEVE HE REALLY LOVES HER SO SHE’LL

HAVE SEX WITH HIM, I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S NOT

ILLEGAL TO LIE TO SOMEONE ABOUT WHETHER OR

NOT YOU REALLY LOVE THEM.

HEALTH ISSUES: THE SAME HEALTH CONCERNS

FROM JERK RULE #1 APPLY HERE SO THE NEXT

COUPLE OF SENTENCES ARE REMINDERS

BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT. IN ADDITION TO THIS

GUY GIVING YOU ONE OR MORE S.T.I.S HE CAN

GET YOU PREGNANT AND ABANDON YOU

AFTERWARDS.

103

IF HE’S TOO “BIG” (ESPECIALLY IF HE... FOR LACK

OF A LESS GRAPHIC CHOICE OF WORDS...

“ABUSES” YOUR RECTUM) OR IF HE TRICKS YOU

INTO MEETING HIM ALONE SOMEPLACE HE CAN

RAPE YOU EVEN IF YOU AREN’T DRUNK OR IN A

WORSE CASE SCENARIO HE MAY HAVE A FRIEND

THAT RAPES YOU WITH HIM.

BUT EVEN IF IT’S “CONSENSUAL” SEX, MOST

YOUNG WOMEN ARE “SMALL” WHICH MEANS YOU

CAN SUFFER A LOT OF PHYSICAL DAMAGE WHERE

YOU WOULD NEED SPECIAL MEDICAL CARE TO

HELP YOU HEAL AND YOU’LL LIKELY BE IN A LOT

OF PAIN FOR POSSIBLY MANY DAYS

AFTERWARDS.

BASICALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT MARRIAGE TO A

GOOD WOMAN IS TO HELP TEACH A MAN TO

HAVE CONSIDERATION FOR OTHERS; TO TEACH

US GUYS TO BE SYMPATHETIC TO THE FEELINGS,

SUFFERINGS, NEEDS AND CONCERNS OF OTHERS.

THESE LESSONS ARE OFTEN NOT TAUGHT BY MEN

TO OTHER MEN. IT TAKES A GOOD WOMAN TO DO

IT AND TO DO IT EFFECTIVELY SO THAT WE

ACTUALLY CARE AND BECOME MORE SELFLESS IN

SERVICE TO OTHERS.

IF US GUYS CAN'T LEARN TO RESTRAIN

OURSELVES WELL SEXUALLY BEFORE MARRIAGE

THEN WE'LL BE TERRIBLE AT RESTRAINING

OURSELVES DURING MARRIAGE WHEN OUR WIFE

104

ISN'T IN THE MOOD OR DOESN'T HAVE TIME OR

GOOD HEALTH FOR SEX.

CHRIST HIMSELF TAUGHT THAT THE GREATEST

AMONG US WILL BE A SERVANT. THE PRINCIPLE

BEING THAT SELFLESS SERVICE IS MORE GOD-

LIKE THAN MASTERS THAT DEMAND TO BE

SERVED.

OVERALL, SEX AT A YOUNG AGE – ESPECIALLY

BEFORE MARRIAGE – MOST OFTEN COMES WITH A

HIGH EMOTIONAL COST (DAMAGES), SOCIAL

COSTS, PHYSICAL COSTS AND CERTAINLY

SPIRITUAL COSTS THAT CAN LEAVE YOU

DEVASTATED WHEN IT’S NOT A PLEASANT

EXPERIENCE. (AND HEARTACHE FROM LIES AND

BROKEN PROMISES IS NEVER A PLEASANT

EXPERIENCE.)

WAITING UNTIL YOU'RE MARRIED TO HAVE SEX IS

THE BEST WAY TO ENJOY IT AND AVOID A TON OF

PAIN AND HEARTACHE. BECAUSE MOST OF US

GUYS ARE GENERALLY SELFISH (NOT GOOD) AND

MOST WOMEN ARE SELFLESS (VERY GOOD), THE

STRONGEST INFLUENCE ON A MAN IS HIS WIFE

AND IT'S THE GOOD INFLUENCE OF WOMEN THAT

TEACHES US MEN HOW TO BE BETTER AT DOING

GOOD SUCH AS BEING MORE SELFLESS LIKE YOU.

WHEN WE FOCUS MORE ON SATISFYING A

WOMAN THE RIGHT WAY IN RELATIONSHIPS AND

MARRIAGE (EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY,

PHYSICALLY, SEXUALLY ETC) THEN SHE'LL BE

105

HAPPIER BECAUSE WE MEN ARE BECOMING LESS

SELF-ABSORBED AND MOST MEN I KNOW PREFER

TO HAVE A TRULY HAPPY WIFE.

LESSONS TO BE LEARNED: YOU CAN NEVER

TRUST WHAT ANY PERSON SAYS UNLESS THEIR

BEHAVIOR MATCHES WHAT THEY SAY. IF A GUY

SAYS THAT HE LOVES YOU THEN IF HE REALLY

DOES LOVE YOU THEN HE WILL WAIT TO HAVE SEX

WITH YOU UNTIL AFTER HE MARRIES YOU

(“WAITING” IS A CLEAR EXAMPLE OF BEHAVIOR –

GOOD BEHAVIOR).

NOT TOUCHING A GIRL INAPPROPRIATELY IS

ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF RESPECTFUL OR GOOD

BEHAVIOR. OTHERWISE, A GUY WILL SAY

ANYTHING TO PUSH YOU INTO HAVING SEX EARLY

IN A RELATIONSHIP.

OR REALIZE HE'S PUSHING YOU BOTH INTO

TROUBLE IF HE WON’T SAY MUCH BUT HIS HANDS

JUST START WANDERING TO TOUCH YOU

SEXUALLY ON PLACES ON YOUR BODY THAT HE

SHOULD NOT OR START REMOVING YOUR

CLOTHES SO HE CAN SEE YOUR NAKEDNESS

(INAPPROPRIATELY WANDERING HANDS IS A CLEAR

EXAMPLE OF BEHAVIOR – SEXUAL BEHAVIOR OR,

IN MY OPINION, BAD BEHAVIOR WHEN IT'S WITH

ANYONE OTHER THAN ONE'S LAWFULLY WEDDED

SPOUSE).

AND THE ONES THAT JUST WANT TO PUSH YOU

FOR SEX ARE THE SAME ONES THAT WILL WANT

106

TO BE ALONE WITH YOU LATE AT NIGHT AND

ALMOST DEFINITELY PAST WHATEVER YOUR

CURFEW IS. THOSE ARE THE GUYS THAT ARE

JERKS. THEY OFTEN HIDE THEIR JERK WAYS

BEHIND SMILES AND LOTS OF PROMISES THEY

DON’T PLAN ON KEEPING.

THE GUYS THAT ARE THE MOST TRUSTWORTHY

ARE THE WELL BEHAVED ONES.

HOW DO YOU RECOGNIZE THE WELL BEHAVED

ONES? THEY ARE THE GOOD GUYS THAT DON’T

JOKE ABOUT SEX ALL OF THE TIME, THEY DON’T

SHOW YOU PORN OR TALK ABOUT SEX OR TALK

ABOUT PORN OR ASK YOU TOO OFTEN ABOUT

SEXUAL QUESTIONS. THEY KNOW THAT PORN

KILLS LOVE.

WELL BEHAVED OR “GOOD GUYS” DON’T INSULT

WOMEN OR GIRLS AND THEY DON’T CRACK

SEXUAL JOKES THAT PORTRAY WOMEN OR GIRLS

IN A SLUTTY OR PORNOGRAPHIC WAY. THEY

DEFINITELY DO NOT HIT WOMEN OR USE THEIR

GREATER MALE PHYSICAL STRENGTH AGAINST

WOMEN. THEY APPLAUD AND PROTECT THE

MORAL STRENGTHS OF GOOD WOMEN.

GOOD GUYS DON’T HAVE A TEMPER AND THEY

DON’T GET ANGRY EASILY. TRUSTWORTHY OR

GOOD GUYS DON’T INTRODUCE YOU TO SEXUAL

MUSIC AND THEY DON’T TRY TO GET YOU

INTOXICATED. MOST GOOD GUYS DON’T USE A

107

LOT OF FOUL LANGUAGE – IF ANY AT ALL.

GOOD GUYS ACTUALLY TALK MORE ABOUT GOOD

THINGS, NON-SEXUAL THINGS AND YET THEY

KNOW SEX IS GOOD WHEN YOU’RE MARRIED AND

ONLY LEADS TO HEARTACHE AND PAIN WHEN SEX

IS EXPERIENCED BEFORE MARRIAGE OR WITH

SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED

SPOUSE.

GOOD GUYS THINK HIGHLY OF WOMEN AND

SPEAK HIGHLY OF WOMEN AND ARE NOT

OFFENDED BY THE FACT THAT MOST FEMALES SET

A BETTER EXAMPLE IN MORAL AND SPIRITUAL

ISSUES THAN GUYS DO.

GOOD GUYS ALSO LOVE THEIR MOTHERS AND NO

MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU ASK HIM OVER

THE COURSE OF YOUR FRIENDSHIP OR DATING

ABOUT WHAT HE THINKS OF HIS MOM, HE’LL

ALWAYS SAY GOOD THINGS ABOUT HER.

GOOD GUYS TAKE THINGS SLOW WHEN DATING

AND ARE NOT ALWAYS TRYING TO GET YOU

ALONE. GOOD GUYS ULTIMATELY CARE MORE

ABOUT HOW THINGS MAY AFFECT YOU MORE

THAN WHAT THE GUY MIGHT GET FROM

SOMEONE.

GOOD GUYS CARE MORE ABOUT YOUR

HAPPINESS AND WELL-BEING AS THEIR GIRLFRIEND

OR WIFE THAN THEIR OWN. GOOD GUYS PUT

YOUR NEEDS AND COMFORT BEFORE THEIR OWN.

108

GOOD GUYS CARE VERY MUCH ABOUT HOW

THEIR DECISION AND OTHER PEOPLE’S CHOICES

AFFECT YOU AND YOUR LIFE.

GOOD GUYS ARE MUCH MORE CONSIDERATE OF

OTHER PEOPLE THAN JERKS ARE. JERKS ARE

OFTEN SELFISH. GOOD GUYS ARE NOT SO

SELFISH. GOOD GUYS LIKE TO DO WHAT THEIR

GIRLFRIEND LIKES TO DO.

JERKS DON’T VALUE TENDERNESS BUT INSTEAD

THEY MOCK IT. GOOD GUYS VALUE TENDERNESS

FOR THE CIVILITY IT PROVIDES FAMILIES AND

SOCIETY TOWARDS GREATER PEACE AND

HAPPINESS.

JERKS OFTEN HATE GOD BUT GOOD GUYS –

ESPECIALLY THE REALLY GOOD ONES – GO TO

CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY. CHURCH IS THE BEST

PLACE, SECOND ONLY TO THE HOME, WHERE WE

LEARN TO CARE MORE FOR OTHERS THAN WE DO

FOR OURSELVES.

GOD TEACHES US TO LOVE AND SERVE ONE

ANOTHER AND MOMS OFTEN TEACH THE SAME

LESSONS TO THEIR CHILDREN (ESPECIALLY IN THE

WAY US BOYS NEED MOST: BY LOTS AND LOTS

AND LOTS OF REPEAT LESSONS).

JERKS DON’T WANT TO LOVE AND SERVE

OTHERS. JERKS WANT OTHERS TO SERVE THEM.

109

GOOD GUYS ARE COOL GUYS. JERKS MAY HAVE

A REPUTATION FOR BEING COOL BUT IT’S A LIE.

JERKS ARE BASICALLY BULLIES AND BULLIES ARE

NEVER COOL.

WHEN HUSBANDS TREAT THEIR WIVES GENTLY

THEN THESE SAME MEN BECOME MORE CIVILIZED.

WHEN GUYS ARE NOT PROPERLY TRAINED AT VERY

EARLY AGES WITH LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF

REPETITIVE LESSONS, OR WHEN GUYS ARE NOT

PROPERLY MOTIVATED TO TREAT WOMEN WITH

THE PROPER RESPECT AND TENDERNESS, THEN

CIVILITY IN SOCIETY COMES TO AN END.

JERK'S RULE #3: WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS WHEN A

JERK TRIES TO GET A GIRL ALONE TO USE HER OR

ABUSE HER FOR SEX, JERKS OFTEN GO BACK TO

JERK'S RULES 1 & 2.

ULTIMATELY, WHEN IT COMES TO THE SUBJECT

OF DATING, LOVE AND FAMILY, ONE THING I

KNOW FOR SURE: BEING OPEN TO THE INFLUENCE

OF A GOOD WOMAN – EVEN BEING OPEN TO THE

AVERAGE WOMAN (ESPECIALLY IF SHE’S A

MOTHER) – WILL ALMOST ALWAYS MAKE PEOPLE

BETTER THAN THEY WERE BEFORE, BUT BEING

OPEN TO THE INFLUENCE OF THE AVERAGE MAN

WILL ALMOST ALWAYS MAKE PEOPLE WORSE THAN

THEY WERE BEFORE.

THERE IS OPPOSITION IN ALL THINGS. THERE’S

GOOD AND THERE’S BAD. THERE’S WARM AND

THERE’S COOL. THERE’S LIGHT AND THERE’S

110

DARK. THERE IS WOMAN AND THEN THERE IS

MAN. NOT ALL GUYS ARE BAD BUT THE ONES

THAT ARE AND THAT REFUSE TO CHANGE TO BE

GOOD LONG-TERM ARE THE ONES THAT YOU

SHOULD AVOID.

BUT DON’T DESPAIR BECAUSE WE GOOD GUYS

DO EXIST EVEN THOUGH SADLY SOME OF US MAY

EITHER BE ASHAMED TO SHOW WE’RE GOOD

GUYS OR BECAUSE WE DON’T STAND OUT AS

MUCH BY DRAWING TROUBLE AND BAD

ATTENTION TO US AS OFTEN AS JERKS DRAW

ATTENTION TO THEMSELVES.

OKAY. SO THIS IS DEFINITELY A RECORD

BREAKER FOR LONG NOTES FROM ME. BUT SINCE

I’M WRITING THIS FROM HOME I CAN SPARE THE

TIME.

YOU’RE AN AMAZING YOUNG WOMAN I FEEL

PRIVILEGED TO HAVE AS A GOOD FRIEND. YOU'RE

ESPECIALLY ATTRACTIVE FOR LOTS OF REASONS

LIKE THE FACT THAT YOU DRESS MODESTLY, YOU

DON’T HAVE TATTOOS OR BODY PIERCING

(NEITHER DO I) AND YOU DON’T CUSS OR INSULT

PEOPLE. MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE THOSE

THINGS MAKE YOU MUCH, MUCH MORE

ATTRACTIVE THAN THE GIRLS THAT HAVE TATS

AND BODY PIERCING AND DON'T DRESS

MODESTLY.

YOU EVEN LIKE ALEXOPALSTONE.COM AND THE

111

PATRIOTIC SITE THEBLAZE.COM. THAT IS SO

COOL!

TONS OF PEOPLE LOVE THEBLAZE.COM –

PROBABLY BECAUSE THE TV AND RADIO SHOWS

ARE BOTH HILARIOUS AND EDUCATIONAL AND

HOSTED BY A GUY AND HIS FRIENDS THAT STAND

FOR TRUTH AND INTEGRITY IN JOURNALISM WHICH

IS ALMOST COMPLETELY GONE FROM LIKE 95%

OF NEWS TODAY.

THE GUYS ON THOSE SHOWS MAKE ME LAUGH

SO HARD SOMETIMES! I LOVE IT!

THEIR SHOWS ARE DIFFERENT THAN MOST NEWS

SHOWS. THEY DON'T TRASH GOOD GUYS LIKE SO

MANY OTHER NEWS SHOWS DO. THERE'S A SONG

FROM THE 1980S ABOUT HOW MUCH OF THE

NEWS INDUSTRY HERE IN THE U.S. PREFERS TO

TALK ABOUT THE DIRTY LAUNDRY OR PROBLEMS

OF OTHER PEOPLE BUT NOT TO HELP THEM.

THAT'S WHAT MOST NEWS STATIONS HAVE BEEN

ALL ABOUT FOR THE LAST FIFTY YEARS OR SO.

NEWS EDITORS LIKE TO KICK THE GOOD GUYS

(AND GOOD WOMEN) WHEN THE GOOD GUYS ARE

DOWN OR WHEN THEY ARE UP BY SPREADING LIES

ABOUT THEM. BUT THEY RARELY DO THE SAME

WITH BAD GUYS OR BAD WOMEN.

AND THE FACT THAT YOU TOLD ME YOUR

PARENTS HAVE A SUBSCRIPTION TO THE BLAZE

112

TV MAKES ME THINK GUYS (COOL GUYS) WILL

LIKE YOU EVEN MORE SINCE ANY TEEN THAT

WATCHES THE BLAZE TV IS PRETTY COOL. (MY

PARENTS HAVE A SUBSCRIPTION TO IT TOO SO

THAT OUR FAMILY HAS THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT’S

UP IN WASHINGTON.)

BUT I CAN ALSO SEE HOW A GUY WOULD REALLY

LIKE YOU SINCE NOT ONLY HAVE YOU READ THE

ALEXOPALSTONE.COM FREE CHAPTERS PREVIEW

OF THE BOOK BY T. M. MEEK, BUT YOU LIKE

ALEX AND THE STORY SO MUCH THAT YOU

ACTUALLY EVEN HAVE A BLACK AND WHITE

CHECKERED BACKPACK LIKE ALEX DOES.

YOU’RE SMART ENOUGH TO SEE HOW ADULTS

THAT USE THE NEWS AND THE INTERNET TO

INSULT STUFF LIKE THAT ARE ADULTS THAT DON’T

CARE ABOUT IF KIDS GROW UP TO BECOME

POOR FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.

YOU’RE ALSO SMART ENOUGH TO SEE THAT IF

TEENS DON’T LEARN WHAT ONLY

ALEXOPALSTONE.COM TEACHES THEN TEENS LIKE

US ARE NEARLY GUARANTEED TO BE POOR AND

VICTIMS OF DECEPTIVE FINANCIAL MYTHS THAN

HAD WE LEARNED THE TRUTH AND BECAME

PROSPEROUS AS ADULTS.

I’VE READ THE ALEXOPALSTONE.COM FREE

CHAPTERS PREVIEW OF THE BOOK BY T. M.

MEEK AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! SO THE GUY

113

THAT LIKES YOU I’LL BET LIKES ALEX OPALSTONE

A LOT TOO.

IF IT TURNS OUT THAT YOU’RE DATING SOMEONE,

BE CAREFUL. IF ANY GUY BREAKS YOUR HEART,

I’LL BE INCLINED TO DO MUCH MORE HARM TO

HIM THAN TO KICK HIM IN THE BUTT IN FRONT OF

A MIRROR.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

LATER!

ME

114

[8th anonymous note put in your locker.]

February 14

I wonder what you think of when you look out a

window. Do you think of the worries of the day?

Do you think of a loved one far away? Do you

think of God?

I wasn’t much of a praying guy before I met you.

Now I pray for you. I pray for your happiness,

your safety, and your loved ones. I thank God

that He can do things for you that as an

imperfect human I can’t. I thank God for you.

Do you have dreams? Aspirations? Lofty

ambitions? It would be an amazing privilege to

help you achieve your heart’s desires.

Do you hear the voices of the day that compare

your weaknesses to someone else’s strengths?

It would be a joy to point out for you that such

comparison can thankfully be of little negative

effect as you focus more on your strengths that

were once weaknesses.

Which do you like better? Sunsets or sunrises?

Daylight or moonlight? Summer or Winter?

Autumn or Spring?

Which will you believe? That you’re not thin

115

enough? Or that your body is so heavenly in

physical appeal that you take a young man’s breath

away? You take my breath away.

What’s one of your favorite things to do with

your spare time? See what anyone spends the

most time on and you’ll see what they truly

treasure.

What would you do when a formerly

exceptionally confident peer nominated teen

heartthrob finds his tables suddenly turned and

he’s at a loss for what to do when he finds he

has a heart that will throb only for you?

What is it like to be so attractive, so amazingly

beautiful, that when you enter a room all eyes

are on you in quiet admiration, sudden

anticipation, and ultimate elation?

What is it like to be so important that the earth

turns simply because you’re on it?

What is it like to be so influential for good that

ensuring your birth happened at just the right

time and just the right place in this world was so

important in heaven that God made sure it would

have the kind of timing that would maximize your

chances for discovering your special purpose in

life that would prove to give you the opportunity

to fulfill your greatest potential?

116

What is it like to be you? God knows. And

because He knows, He has perfect empathy and

perfect solutions and perfect blessings just for

you. I would like to know what God knows so

that I can be more empathetic for you too since I

aim for perfect solutions to whatever problems

may beset you as I have enjoyed and hope to

continue to enjoy the privilege to know and see

the perfect blessing that is you.

Happy Valentine’s Day to the best and only

Valentine my heart sees.

Love,

Your Secret Admirer

…Only for it to switch places

With the lamb awakening within my own…

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[9th anonymous note put in your locker.]

February 17

In case any guy ever pressures you for sex, see if he can pass

what I’m calling “The Stump Test.” If you can stump him

regarding any of the following information then he either may

not be the guy for you or you may want to help him become

educated about some important things before you entrust him

with your greatest gifts: your chastity (including your heart) and

your children that may come from the sexual experience.

This is in a smaller font because there's a lot I have to say about

this so that you can have everything you need financially. How

do you have all that you need financially? By knowing what I'm

about to tell you, what many rich people know but don't always

share with others.

This will also help you to recognize which guys will literally

make you poor or keep you poor versus those that will care for

you in the right ways financially to help you always have the

money you need if you marry and stay at home to raise your

kids full-time. You'll need to know what it takes to have a

husband that earns enough to pay for the needs of your family

through an honorable career.

So what “important things” might you see if he can be stumped

on (or be educated about if you really like him)? Financial

matters that are guaranteed to affect you if you give him what

he’s pushing for (sex).

If you’re looking to prove he’s not worth your time, then you’ll

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want to “stump” him (cause him to look dumb or thoughtless

and self-absorbed about the subject of sex) by asking him

questions that you know the answers to that he most likely does

not.

But if you like him and he proves to not know enough then you

can teach him what he needs to know so that if he decides to

push you anyway into sex before either of you is truly ready to

handle the possible consequences (which consequences are

not always possible to control) then he either is a) incredibly

selfish (which begs the question of why in the world would you

have sex with him in the first place?) or b) incredibly

considerate of your needs and ambitious to succeed in fulfilling

your needs if he’s planning on making sure both of you have

enough money during your married years to provide sufficiently

for your family.

So here are some things to consider financially whenever

a guy pressures you to have sex.

See if you can tell how much I care about you as you read this. I

write this because it's important to me that you have all that you

need financially when a guy wants to be with you romantically.

Most families aren’t prepared well enough for any major

emergencies. This means that most families in America don’t

have a lot in savings. And when people don’t have enough

saved then that means that any major financial catastrophe that

happens can shove that family into potentially permanent

homelessness.

Why don’t most families have enough in savings? Because

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most people were never taught enough about money or about

how much things cost in life. And when people don’t learn these

things then they don’t know how to budget and plan their lives

financially so that they can be secure financially.

And when people are not secure financially then they are either

dependent upon charity or debt or worse – the federal and state

government.

(Why is dependence upon government worse? Because only

government can force you to do things by showing up with guns

and handcuffs when they claim you are breaking one of their

laws and because it has been proven over and over that people

are nearly guaranteed to remain poor when they use taxpayer

dollars for food, housing, medical care etc because government

programs specifically use disincentives that provide negative

consequences for those that begin to slightly prosper to the

point that the only way to rise above needing taxpayer dollars is

to earn a much larger amount of income than most people do.

Otherwise, you’ll remain poor precisely because you need any

kind of government assistance financially. This has been proven

for years but few people talk about it partly because people

perpetuate the myth that government can provide “free” stuff

but the fact is, nothing is free since someone somewhere must

pay for it and absolutely no one is so rich that they can afford to

pay for everything for entire towns or cities of Americans.) When people are dependent upon charity or debt or government

they are proving to themselves and others that they are not

earning enough to provide for their own needs or for that of their

family. So how can people avoid this and be financially secure

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so that when they get pregnant and need to provide for

themselves and their children that they have enough money to

never become homeless?

The answer is easy to understand but not as easy to actually do.

The answer is that you must know in advance how much things

might cost so that you know how much money needs to be set

aside or saved to have ready to use for an emergency. Once you

know how much emergencies might cost then you factor in

taxes, insurance and living expenses and once you add it all up

then you’ll have a reasonably good idea for how much you

should strive to earn to pay for it all.

So what kinds of emergencies most often happen to people?

Which emergencies are the most expensive? Is it possible to get

through life without having any financial emergencies?

The only time it’s possible to get through life without

experiencing any sudden and unexpected financial needs is for

everything to go perfectly in life where you have absolutely no

problems whatsoever. Clearly this is not possible. No one’s life

is perfect.

If there’s anything you can count on regarding financial

emergencies in life, just remember this: it’s not a matter of IF an

emergency might happen, it’s a matter of when. (And

emergencies happen much more often than people talk about.)

Most people are too embarrassed to have other people find out

that they don’t have enough money because most people

assume that everyone else is likely better prepared than they are

financially when actually the fact is that most people are just as

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inadequately prepared as their neighbor.

As you consider the most common financial emergencies and

the most expensive ones, here is a list to consider budgeting

for:

Personal Emergency Preparedness:

Major Medical: Since medical bankruptcy is the most common

form of bankruptcy in the U.S., emergency medical needs are

clearly the most expensive need for any individual or family to

plan for. How much might someone need to have as cash to

spend in the event of a sudden, devastating diagnosis to cover

out-of-pocket expenses (anything that insurance won’t cover)?

You might plan on needing anywhere from $25,000 minimum to

over $200,000.

Job Loss: This would be money needed to cover living

expenses and other needs while being unemployed and

searching for new employment. The amount of time that one

might remain unemployed despite diligent job searching efforts

can be anywhere from 6 months to over a year. A reasonable

amount to plan to save to cover these needs would be a

minimum of ten months of expenses.

Property Damage: Major damage to your home could come by

termites or a tornado tearing out your garage door or heavy

snow breaking your roof or an old pipe busting in your home

and causing flood damage along with several other possibilities

for major property damage. Minor property damage might be like

a small hole in the wall or a clogged toilet or broken window.

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These would be problems that you either don’t have insurance

coverage for or that your insurance company would deny

(meaning to not help you pay for) for any number of reasons.

One of the most common reasons an insurance company denies

a claim is because they simply don’t have enough money to

fully satisfy everyone’s claims because too many people are

asking for their money at the same time – such as when a

hundred homes in one town have tornado damage from the

same storm and the insurance company knows that the storm is

moving to do more damage to more homes in a nearby town so

the claims are about to double which is often too expensive for

the insurance company.

You might plan on needing anywhere from $5,000 minimum to

over $45,000 saved in this category of emergency savings.

Car Repairs: Anything that breaks down on your car for any

reason that might not be covered by insurance. Or if you have a

high deductible then that would be part of how you would

estimate how much savings to have set aside. You might plan

on needing anywhere from $500 minimum to over $10,000 saved

in this category of emergency savings.

Unexpected Legal: There are too many reasons why someone

might sue someone else at any given time here in the United

States. If it were me, I might consider saving a minimum of

$500,000 just for this category of emergency preparedness.

Income Loss in event of breadwinner’s disability or death (or

business income loss or investment income loss): This could be

a huge amount because something like this could easily affect

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things for years if not decades into the future. This could easily

be a savings need of six figures or more.

A Loved One’s Unplanned Needs: This could be a sick child or a

good friend that needs some money or the possibility of caring

for an aging parent that has unexpected needs. I would probably

plan a minimum of about $2,000 just for this category.

To add all of it up so far would be a lot of money. But since I like to play things safe, what I would probably do for my family is to

plan on earning enough to be able to afford to set aside at least

$200,000 for each person in my family. So if I were married with

two kids, I would plan on earning enough to be able to save up

$800,000 as quickly as possible just for the variety of

emergencies that can happen that could affect each of us.

So which is easier to save up that much money as quickly as

possible? By picking a job that pays only $20 dollars an hour?

Or by choosing a career that pays closer to about $100 an hour

or more? The answer is obvious. The more money someone

earns either per hour or per month then the easier it is to save

enough quickly enough for emergencies.

(And don’t believe anyone that tells you that becoming a

stripper or prostitute or porn star will make you a lot of money

because that’s a lie. Unless you’re a man, most strippers, porn

stars and prostitutes are raped and beaten up by pimps to force

the women to give up their money and live completely broke and

dependent and controlled by their pimps. The 90’s movie “Pretty

Woman” is one of the ugliest myths Hollywood and the porn

industry have ever applauded.)

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Emergencies come over and over again nearly every year for

nearly every individual and family. Some emergencies are minor

(somewhat low cost) and others are major (expensive) but

nearly all of them are beyond our control.

But something that is within our control is if we get pregnant,

how soon and how often and if we keep the baby or give it up in

love to a couple that can more easily afford to care for the

baby’s childhood needs.

Costs to care for a child is certainly an easy way to stump most

guys that would pressure a girl for sex before marriage.

Maybe you could have the guy step into his parent’s shoes for a

few minutes to see just how hard it is to provide for a family on a

typical American income.

Here’s a typical month for many Americans.

Day 1: The rent (or mortgage) is due. Your dad (and likely your

mom too) works to pay that bill so you don’t have to become

homeless as a family. It’s at least $800. If it doesn’t get paid then the landlord or bank can call the police and force you to move

out TODAY for failure to pay the debt.

If you can’t afford to pay your rent debt, where in the world can

you move to on such short notice? Some place safe? Likely not.

The cheapest places to live have the highest violent crime rates.

You could go stay in a homeless shelter. Just be prepared for an

eye-opening experience. In most shelters there’s no place to

store your stuff and so you’re most likely to be mugged by

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another homeless person in the middle of the night as you sleep

out in the open in a room full of cots for beds because that’s

how too many homeless people survive is by stealing another

person’s stuff to sell later.

So if you want to keep your stuff just make sure you don’t

actually sleep when you stay at a shelter because you’ll have to

stay awake to try and keep others from stealing your stuff.

Day 3: Utilities and other bills are due. Your parents have to pay

for every time you turn on a light switch, every time they turn on

a light switch, every time the toilet is flushed or the water is left running in the sink unnecessarily.

They pay for garbage service, sewer service, gas and electricity.

For some of your parents this costs another $200 a month – or

potentially $400 or more in the summer when the air conditioner

is needed – depending upon the size of the home or apartment

you live in and the temperature you keep the AC at.

Also both cars need to be filled up with gas. That will cost

another $75 or more.

So let’s see where we’re at so far.

$800 + $400 + $75 = $1,275 needed right away.

Your dad just got his paycheck. This happens twice a month.

But after paying for any charitable donations he may give to

your church as well as paying taxes and any other contributions

he pays through his employer for benefits, such as paying to

invest in his 401(k) for future retirement, he has very little left

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over to pay for rent, the above mentioned bills and gas for the

family cars.

For many dads they are barely able to cover for these basic

financial needs without having to rely on credit cards for help.

But still others have more left over – anywhere from $100 to

$500 or more.

Day 5: The refrigerator is looking too empty. Food is running

low. Mom needs to go to the grocery store. She needs at least

$400 to feed her growing family. Another $100 or more is

potentially needed for various sanitary items and household

cleaning and organizing.

She double checks with the bank to make sure enough money is

available for her. If she overcharges her bank card then she’ll

have to pay some expensive fees – up to $50 or more. Your

family is too poor to be able to afford to pay such expensive

penalties.

Thankfully, enough is in the bank. She goes to buy food and

other supplies but spends only about $300 this trip. In two

weeks she’ll likely spend another $150 for food – NO

Restaurants – and likely another $50 or more for other needed

items.

So how much has been spent so far of dad’s paycheck:

$1,275 + $300 = $1,575.

There’s likely nothing left over from his paycheck.

Day 10: Because mom has a job also she earns money too. This

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is needed because it’s time for the kids to go back to school and

growing kids need more clothing and new school supplies.

Mom and Dad know it will cost at least $600 to handle the back

to school needs.

She takes the kids shopping. Let’s see how much has been

spent up until now.

$1,575 spent so far this month + $600 for today’s needs = $2,175

Day 14: Mom is running out of diapers for the baby. The baby

usually uses about five diapers a day so it’s time to go buy more

diapers and wipes. That will cost about $65 to buy. She decides

to make the best use of the gas and time and get other needed

groceries and supplies from the store.

$2,175 + $265 = $2,440 spent so far in just two weeks.

Day 22: Two kids in this family are involved in extracurricular

school activities.

Costs for the two kids to participate in these activities can cost

anywhere from $40 up to $200 or more depending upon what

activities each child chooses.

The family sticks to lower cost activities so the total cost is only $50.

But this also happens to be the day when the insurance bills are

due for the two family cars. The total bill is $150.

So another $200 ($150 + $50) is needed to pay for the kids’

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activities and the car insurance.

$2,440 + $200 = $2,640 spent.

Day 25: A medical bill arrives in the mail. This is a bill from when your dad got into a car accident and needed to recover in the

hospital.

Although the whole family is glad Dad survived, the driver of the

other car was at fault and likely didn’t have insurance (or was

drunk) because the driver drove away quickly leaving the scene

most likely because the driver at fault was either drunk or

texting and didn’t want to get caught. Police still have not found

the driver who is guilty of this hit and run.

The hospital and minor surgery costs were expensive. The total

out-of-pocket costs your parents are responsible to pay and

have negotiated to pay the hospital is $22,000 with payments of

$200 per month.

As life goes, this also happens to be the day when both of your

parent’s college loans come due. That’s another $300 a month.

Plus more gas is needed for both cars. That’s at least $75.

So just for today, the 25th day of the month, $575 is needed

($200 + $300 + $75 = $575)

So that means that $2,640 + $575 = $3,215 has been spent in

less than 30 days.

And now the phone and internet bill is due. That’s another $200

due.

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$3,215 + $200 = $3,415

Both of your parents are praying feverishly day and night with

gratitude for the fact that no one in your family needs to go to

the doctor or dentist today and that there are no car repairs

needed at this time because there just isn’t enough money for it.

Do you have $3,415 to help out your parents every month if they

needed your help? No? Then how are you going to pay for a

safe home for your spouse and new baby if you are responsible

for an unplanned teen pregnancy?

$39,000 is a rough estimate for the net amount needed per year

to pay for common bills such as in the example mentioned

above.

So all you have to do is earn around $65,000 gross per year to

pay for bills like these.

Do you think you can earn $65,000 per year – BY YOURSELF –

to provide as the only breadwinner in your family?

It’s not easy but it’s possible.

Did you also happen to notice the HUGE mistake with the

example given of what it might be like to be in your parent’s

shoes?

Look at what’s been paid for so far:

Charitable donations

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Money into a 401(k)

Taxes

Home rental (or mortgage)

Utilities

Gas for cars

Food and other household supplies

School supplies and clothing

Extracurricular activities at school

Car insurance

Medical bill

College loans

Phone and internet

What in the world could be missing? Adequate emergency

savings and money for learning to earn enough to make it

happen more quickly.

Remember, it’s not a matter of IF something will go wrong in

your life financially – but it’s only a matter of WHEN. Things

often go wrong more than once in a person’s life. It can either be

a series of financial setbacks, or a few small setbacks and then

one huge setback (i.e. Devastating medical diagnosis that too

often snowballs into a lifetime of expensive needs to manage

health challenges.)

It’s not worth gambling your life of your family’s lives or their

safety and financial security by not accumulating an adequate

multi-subject emergency reserve or individual accounts that are

subject specific for savings reserves.

You can do everything in life “perfectly” and something will still

go wrong – even through no fault of yours.

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So you can either plan on earning enough to make it easier to

save enough quickly enough for emergencies by living frugally

on a generous six figure income or you can do as far too many

naive and foolish adults do and gamble your own life and your

family’s lives on the slim chance that you won’t experience a

major financial catastrophe that pushes you into homelessness.

Most people live from paycheck to paycheck and risk becoming

homeless in the process. Are you okay with doing the same?

You shouldn’t be.

Way too many guys (and many young ladies) don’t realize that

there are financial costs to almost every choice in life.

Do you think it’s okay to get an S.T.I.? Do you think it’s cool to

experience the kind of pain when urinating that it feels like little pieces of broken glass, tiny shards are being forced out when

you go to the bathroom because of a certain S.T.I. you got from

someone else? Do you think it’s cool to inflict that pain on

someone else by infecting them with your S.T.I. even though you

stopped showing signs that you’re still infected?

Do you think it’s cool that all you have to do is get just one S.T.I.

and the medical bills you’ll have to pay to handle the problem

will be anywhere from $30 a month up to $500 a month.

Do you think it’s cool to get someone else sick and infected with

what you got so that they have to pay that money for their own

health care for the rest of their lives?

Do you think it’s cool to be so poor that you have to make a

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choice each month between using money for food or using

money for medical needs such as medications?

Not to be harsh but if your parents died tomorrow and left you

no money at all then who would pay for the destructive

consequences of your choices?

If you moved out on your own tomorrow (or if your parents

kicked you out) how would you earn the money to pay for your

own safe housing, food, transportation and medical bills and

everything else life requires for safety and prosperous

progress?

Remember, I say all of this because I care for you a lot.

Working at a fast food restaurant will not earn you enough money to cover the most basic needs. Working at a grocery

store as a bagger or cashier will not earn you enough. Anything less than $50 an hour will not come close to being enough to

provide for your needs – that is if you’re actually going to be

smart and think your career choice through based on factoring

the emergency savings needs (or emergency preparedness) of

most Americans.

It’s even important to know how to plant, nurture and harvest

your own food (gardening) for whenever the day comes that, for

a period of time, you must live on what you can produce.

Where am I getting all of this information? I checked out

AlexOpalstone.com and read about “The Financial Math of Hope

vs. Despair” that only AlexOpalstone.com has. It is a super cool

website with amazing information. It talks about what people

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need to learn in order to earn enough and it has a list that shows

some of the best careers to choose to make sure you’re earning

enough to provide for a family.

Career choices like investing in real estate (such as a real estate

developer, or commercial or residential investor), owning

intellectual property rights (patents for inventions, licensing and

even copyrights), being a bestselling author, investing in stocks

or notes or bonds or being a successful business franchise

owner are all ways to earn about a half a million dollars or more

and that’s about the amount needed for Americans to earn if

they don’t want to struggle from paycheck to paycheck but have

enough to save enough and to really thrive financially.

We are likely to face a time within the next few years (likely

within ten years at the most) where each of us will have to live

on what we can produce on our own. This means each of us as

Americans will need to have sufficient gardening skills, farming

tools, land and resources to eat what we produce and live on

what we produce in order to survive.

This will likely be related to the U.S. dollar collapsing (massive

inflation) or other major stock and bond market turmoil so we’ll

have to start over by learning some hard lessons about voting

for the wrong people and misunderstanding vital principles

behind the free market system, individual prosperity and

individual liberty as Americans.

Then when we restore our individual freedoms and prosperity

only those that aim to earn a large six-figure income –

specifically applying wise financial principles as found in the

hypothetical example of “The Financial Math of Hope vs.

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Despair” will be the ones that thrive. The hope exists in earning

a large six figure income while living frugally and investing

wisely. The despair comes from not doing so. It’s a choice

between adapting to earn more or perishing.

Here’s something else to consider about sex as a teen. Ask this

to any guy that’s trying to talk you into having sex with him

when you’re a teen.

If you are responsible for an unplanned teen pregnancy how

expensive might that be for you?

New stroller

New baby crib & bed linens

Cradle swing

High chair

Baby feeding supplies

Baby clothing

Diapers, wipes, hygiene

Car seat

Breast pump & nursing pads

Baby food

Baby monitor

Diaper bag

The total cost for everything on that list can cost over $1,500 up

front. Just the labor and delivery of the baby costs thousands of

dollars more on top of all of the costs just to be ready to care for the baby at home. You don’t want the mother and baby to be

homeless so now you’ve got to pay for housing, phone, utilities,

transportation, food, clothing, internet etc.

Regular doctor’s appointments for the health of the mother as

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well as the baby’s health – that all costs more money several

times a year.

If your baby is born with any serious health challenges that

require intensive treatment or surgeries then that can easily

cost you an additional $100,000 or more plus lifelong medical

care needs that only get more expensive over time.

And it’s really selfish when a guy or girl thinks that it’s okay to

get pregnant as a teen because baby showers will just pay for

supplies. Again, that’s really selfish.

More young men and young women need to understand that if

they enter the experience of teen pregnancy with the idea that

such a tragic mistake should be celebrated by making other

people buy you gifts by a baby shower when they themselves

are likely struggling financially then you set yourself up for

serious problems.

It is the young ladies that believe the guy will stick around after

the birth of the child to help her raise the baby together that are

the same girls that are the most surprised when the reality hits

because he leaves by dumping her and abandoning their baby

as he proves the statistical fact that the vast majority of teen

guys leave within the first two years after the baby is born if he

doesn’t dump her sooner.

The father of the child almost always says that he loves you and

will stick by you when he doesn’t know what he’s actually

committing to. Once he sees it’s no fun after all and once he

sees it’s expensive to start a family – the vast majority of guys

run away from their responsibilities and dump the mother of

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their child.

Too often these guys get support from their parents to leave the

girl to bear the burden of parenting alone because too many

parents – even so-called Christian parents that “believe” people

should face and share in responsibility for wrong choices made

– are not strong enough to make the right choice.

What right choice? To consistently push their son to take

responsibility or suffer facing serious negative consequences

by his own parents if he doesn’t. Parents need to be strong

enough to make the good choice, the honorable choice to

consistently push their son to take the responsibility that is his

and to marry her and/or otherwise provide financially for her and

their child’s needs for the entire life of the child.

Yes, she has a right to sue under law the father of her child for

child support that lasts for all of the years of her child’s life. So what is he going to do if she chooses to keep and raise the child

that he fathered biologically?

When you bet your entire future that he will marry you and raise

your child with you when that is so rare to occur among teen

boys then you are essentially saying that you’re willing to

become homeless on the almost guaranteed chance he will bail

and leave you within less than one year of your giving birth.

This happens so often that a great majority of people who

become homeless in the United States are single mothers.

What’s it like to stay in a typical homeless shelter? It’s not safe.

It’s not secure. You get kicked back out into the streets by the

volunteers at the crack of dawn and they don’t let you back in

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until night time – unless they are full for the night and then you’ll have to sleep on the street or in your car and hope that you

don’t become the victim of a violent crime out on the street.

And how about asking him if he’s prepared to save up money for

your child’s education. Tell him that most parents don’t save up

enough because they don’t earn enough. Tell him that if he

wants to be the rare successful exception that all he has to do is

set aside the entire amount needed up front within a few months

of your infant’s birth and then be prepared to pay more later

when he or she is old enough to start attending college.

How much would that be? He could set aside at least $45,000 up

front once your baby is born and that might be a good start.

Any guy you date that wants to have sex with you is going to try

his best to convince you that sex is fun. He’ll never discuss the

possible consequences because he’s probably not thinking of

them. He may talk someone into having sex with him but neither

he nor the girl (or guy, as the case may be) will be in control of

the consequences that follow from that choice.

Does it sound like fun to have consequences that might be a

lifelong and potentially expensive S.T.I.? Does it sound fun to

have consequences that might sound like a crying baby at

1:00 AM and again at 3:00 AM and again at 5:00 AM and on and

on where you get far less sleep than you need or are used to?

Or maybe he thinks it’ll be fun to have consequences that could

be a baby with a heart defect that forces you into medical

bankruptcy before you even turn nineteen thus ruining your

chances for becoming qualified for more debt help in the future?

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Or it could be that he thinks it would be fun to have

consequences where you end up homeless because not only

did you choose to keep your child, but he chose to run away –

literally run away to avoid legal actions that force him to pay you

child support because if he can avoid being found by the police

then he can keep more of his paycheck at whatever jobs he has

for the rest of his life so he never has to struggle as much as

you do financially. Sound like fun? Not to me.

And it shouldn’t sound like fun to you either.

Hollywood may have paid some teen moms to have a TV show

or be on the cover of a magazine but Hollywood and the media

(news) rarely emphasize with enough repetition the poverty that

is the reality for over 90% of teen moms throughout the teen

mom’s life. It’s hard for a teen mom TV star to be honest with

other teens about financial struggles when she gets paid a lot of

money to do a story about her “struggles”.

If you’re hoping that getting pregnant as a teen will win you a TV

show and make you a star then you are literally betting your life

and your child’s life that you won’t live a life of poverty when the fact is you’re nearly guaranteed to be poor. And to victimize

someone innocent that way (your child) by forcing them to be

born into a life of poverty is not only irresponsible and selfish

but it’s also incredibly cruel to do to any child when it's

preventable by more responsible choices towards common

sense prosperity.

Children suffering in preventable poverty are children that are

hungry. To feed any human sufficiently is to sustain life. When 139

you can't feed your children and they're crying from hunger then

you can't keep them alive. That's not good.

But if you want to know how Hollywood works, just see how

these teen moms get rejected as “yesterday’s news” after 3 - 5

years of fame because most famous people rarely experience

fame past the five year mark. Then those once famous “stars”

are soon forgotten by the public and many of these stars go

broke and have to do TV commercials or regular employment

just to get by financially.

Look. This may be one of the most down and sad love letters

you’ve ever received before in your life but if I weren’t in love, if I didn’t have the biggest crush on you ever known to man, then I

wouldn’t be trying to do my best to protect you from heartache

by helping you recognize the lies that lead to it.

I know that most people consider long letters to be

inappropriate but maybe this can be the exception to the rule

because of the care that’s behind it and because these truths

are important and can’t be effectively summed up by a mere few

paragraphs.

So in closing, be careful if you’re dating someone that tries to

talk you into getting gonorrhea of the throat while potentially

choking you to where you can’t breathe because he thinks it’s

fun (only for him) to talk you into giving him oral sex.

Be careful if he thinks he can convince you that he’ll “pull out

early” to keep you from getting pregnant because no guy I know

has the selfless willpower to stop and pull out before getting a

girl pregnant.

140

Ultimately, any guy that really loves you and cares about what

happens to any children you create together will want to marry

you before having sex.

Think about it. Stump him before he tricks you into a life of

misery or talk to him frankly about the financial facts of life that he probably hasn’t considered yet if you really like him too.

Or if you really love a guy that won't show you proper respect,

love him enough to leave him. It's not “real” love to let someone

think it's okay to abuse someone (serious disrespect) by staying

with them when they refuse to change for the better.

I’m going to be one of those rare, cool husbands. I'm going to

help my wife with dishes and laundry and cooking in addition to

“male” stuff like yard work and whatever I do as a career so that

we’re a team raising our kids together.

If my wife or one of our kids gets sick at 3 AM then I'll get out of bed to clean up the vomit so my wife can get some sleep and I

won't complain. When a diaper needs to be changed, I'll change

it without having to be asked because I see it, not just as my

duty to do so, but as an opportunity to give my wife a break

from it since she will most likely change more diapers than me

since she'll probably be with our children more often than I will.

But even though my work may keep me away from our kids, I'm

not going to be one of those dads that works over forty hours a

week keeping me away from my wife and children all the time.

Maybe we can finally meet sometime and we can talk about the

financial things I’m learning. You could also tell me what you

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think about the fact that I’m a guy that wants to earn at least

$500,000 a year in hopes that the woman I marry someday will

be my equal partner in raising our kids since hopefully she’ll

want to raise our kids full-time from home instead of working at

both a full-time job away from home and trying to raise kids

(which is so much harder than having a great husband that

provides enough money for his family’s needs).

And if you don’t talk with me about it then you could talk to

whomever you someday date and marry about it because it’s

foolish to wait until after you marry someone to talk about these

things when you should only marry someone that agrees on

important issues like you do before committing to that person.

(Not that I’m looking to get married anytime soon or at such a

young age. But our teen years are in many ways like a dress

rehearsal for our adult years, aren’t they?)

I’m just thinking of your happiness and well-being. . . always.

Love,

Your Secret Admirer

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FEBRUARY 25

YOU:

OH MY GOSH! YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT I

JUST SAW! THERE WAS THIS GIRL THAT WAS

GETTING OFF THE BUS AND INSTEAD OF JUST

STEPPING OFF, SHE JUMPED OFF AND RIGHT AS

SHE JUMPED OFF SHE HAD BLOWN THIS BIG

BUBBLE WITH HER BUBBLEGUM AND JUST AS SHE

LANDED THE BUBBLE POPPED AND THE GUM

STUCK ALL OVER HER FACE, ALL OVER HER

GLASSES AND EVEN UP INTO HER HAIR!

IT WAS HILARIOUS!

I HAD TO GO HIDE MY FACE BECAUSE I COULDN’T

STOP LAUGHING FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES

AFTERWARDS.

SOME JERK PROBABLY TOOK HER PICTURE SO

DON’T BE SURPRISED IF SOMEBODY SHOWS IT

TO YOU AT SOME POINT TODAY. THAT POOR

GIRL. BUT IT WAS SOOOO FUNNY!

ANYHOO . . . SO HOW ARE YOU? DID YOU GET

YOUR SCIENCE REPORT FINISHED? I BET YOU GET

AN “A+” BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN SO FOCUSED

ON IT YOU HAVEN’T RETURNED ANY OF MY CALLS

UNTIL YESTERDAY. BUT JUST IN CASE YOU

HAVEN’T QUITE FINISHED IT YET AND COULD USE

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SOME HELP, HERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU CAN

INCLUDE IN YOUR REPORT.

THERE’S A GUY IN MY TRIG CLASS THAT

PROBABLY HAS AN ENTIRE COLONY OF ALIEN-LIKE

BACTERIA LIVING IN HIS EYEBROWS BECAUSE HIS

EYEBROWS ARE SO BUSHY THAT THEY COULD

EASILY HAVE ESCAPED THE HOSTILE PLANET THEY

ESCAPED FROM AND JUST HIDE OUT LIVING QUITE

WELL IN HIS EYEBROWS.

OKAY. THAT WAS MEAN. MAYBE I SHOULD TRY

SOMETHING LESS CRUEL.

THERE’S A GUY I KNOW THAT SWEATS SO MUCH

WHEN HE EXERCISES THAT HE’S OFTEN CALLED

FOR FIGHTING FIRES INSTEAD OF CALLING THE

FIRE DEPARTMENT BECAUSE ALL ANYONE HAS TO

DO IS HOLD THE GUY UP OVER THE FIRE AND

HE’LL JUST DRIP THE FIRE OUT WITH HIS SWEAT.

HE SHOWS UP EVERY TIME I LOOK IN THE MIRROR

BECAUSE HE’S THE GUY LOOKING BACK AT ME.

OKAY SO THAT WAS A CONFESSION THAT I

SWEAT A LOT AND THAT I AGREE THAT IT’S

GROSS AND NOW THAT I THINK OF IT THAT WAS

TOTALLY CHEESY TO TELL YOU JUST NOW.

I WILL BE AMAZED IF YOU’RE EVEN STILL

ACKNOWLEDGING OUR FRIENDSHIP AFTER THAT

ONE.

WHY AM I SO NERDY? THAT SHOULD BE A

144

QUESTION THAT REPORTERS IN THE NEWS

INVESTIGATE AND FOLLOW UP ON WITH A

HEADLINE:

“TEEN HEARTTHROB IS SECRET NERD”

WHO KNEW? (YOU DID. AND YOU STILL LIKE ME.

YOU’RE AN ANGEL.)

SO GUESS WHAT I’M GOING TO DO AFTER

SCHOOL TODAY? MY DAD MADE ARRANGEMENTS

FOR ME TO INTERVIEW FOR A JOB TEST DRIVING

NEW LUXURY CARS ON CLOSED RACE TRACKS.

SWEET!

OF COURSE, A JOB LIKE THAT WOULD NEVER BE

ABLE TO SUPPORT A FAMILY BUT BECAUSE I HAVE

TAKEN AFTER MY DAD WITH THE TALENT TO MAKE

GROUNDBREAKING INNOVATIONS, IF I CAN COME

UP WITH A NEW AND NEEDED INNOVATION THIS

CAR COMPANY (OR ANY OTHER ONE) HASN’T

THOUGHT OF YET AND THEN IF I CAN GET MY OWN

PATENT FOR IT THEN I CAN LICENSE IT FOR OTHER

CAR COMPANIES TO USE OR TO HAVE JUST ONE

CAR COMPANY LICENSE IT EXCLUSIVELY TO GET A

LEG UP ON THEIR COMPETITION.

DOING THAT SUCCESSFULLY COULD MAKE ME A

MILLIONAIRE. NICE!

NEEDLESS TO SAY I’M PRETTY EXCITED ABOUT

THIS AFTERNOON.

145

WELL, GOT TO GO.

I’M STILL CRAVING MORE MANGO DELIGHT FRUIT

CAKE SO I’LL HAVE TO MAKE YOUR RECIPE THIS

WEEKEND. AND IF I DO, I’LL BRING SOME TO

SCHOOL AND YOU CAN TELL ME IF I DID A GOOD

JOB MAKING IT. HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY!

LATER!

ME

146

CHAPTER 7: THE MARCH CHAPTER

MARCH 6

YOU:

WHAT’S UP?! NOT TOO MUCH OVER ON MY END

THESE DAYS ALTHOUGH I DID GO AND ACTUALLY

DO LIKE A TEST INTERVIEW TEST DRIVE AND

BELIEVE IT OR NOT I DON’T THINK I WOULD ENJOY

THAT JOB. THERE ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS YOU

HAVE TO ANSWER ABOUT THE DRIVING

EXPERIENCE.

WERE THE MIRRORS EASY TO ADJUST?

DID IT TAKE TOO LONG TO ADJUST THEM?

DID THE MIRRORS MOVE TOO FAST?

DID THE MIRRORS MOVE TOO SLOW?

WAS THE TEMPERATURE OF THE SEAT

COMFORTABLE? TOO HOT? TOO COLD? DID IT

TAKE TOO LONG FOR THE TEMPERATURE TO

ADJUST?

HOW QUIET WAS THE INTERIOR?

WERE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH THE LEG ROOM?

WAS THE SEAT LONG ENOUGH FOR THIGH

SUPPORT?

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WAS THE SEAT TOO LONG?

WERE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH THE HEAD

ROOM?

HOW WAS THE SUSPENSION?

DID THE STEERING WHEEL HAVE MINIMAL

SHAKING, TOO MUCH SHAKING OR NO

NOTICEABLE SHAKING?

AAAAAH! JUST LET ME DRIVE THE DANG CAR!

NEEDLESS TO SAY I DON’T LIKE ALL OF THE

“SATISFACTION” AND “STABILITY” AND

“ERGONOMICS” QUESTIONS. I LOVE THE DRIVING

EXPERIENCE BUT I DON’T LIKE HAVING TO FOCUS

ON THE DETAILS OF THAT EXPERIENCE. I JUST

WANT TO DRIVE FOR THE SAKE OF DRIVING.

I’M NOT SURE IF I’LL BE DOING THAT AGAIN BUT

AT THE SAME TIME, A MILLION BUCKS IS A NICE

ROUND NUMBER TO SEE ON A FUTURE BANK

STATEMENT OF MINE. MAYBE I’LL GO AGAIN.

AND JUST IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING, YOU

LOOK GREAT TODAY!

LATER!

ME

148

[10th anonymous note put in your locker.]

March 10

Title: “Picture Perfect”

Some say you’re only beautiful when you’re thin

Others say if you’re thin it must be a sin

Maybe some people just don’t want you to win

Some say your body must be perfect

And so must your face

But have you seen how ugly some people are

Deep down inside in the first place?

People say you’ll be so happy

If you look the way we tell you to

But did you ever notice

Just how miserable and crappy

These same people feel inside?

Baby I don’t care if you need to lose a little weight

Baby I don’t care because we all need food on our

plate

Baby I don’t want you thin as paper

Baby I don’t want you thin as a tiny twig

Baby I don’t need you to be picture perfect

But boy I sure do want at least a picture of you

Now Honey I know you think you’re no Mona Lisa

And you listen to the people that say

149

That only the beautiful people get to play

Play all day in the game of love

The game where only one of us wins

But as long as you know me

You’ll be more inclined to see

That the all the romantic poetry in the world got its

start

By writing about

The curvaceous and voluptuous Goddess of Venus

The full-figured female statues across Italy, England,

Germany and France

The Marilyn Monroes and the Ladies from the days of

Edgar Allen Poe

Now Honey I know you think you’re no Mona Lisa

But you better listen to me when I say

That you and me were meant to play

Play all day in the game of love

The game where both of us win

Baby I don’t care if you need to lose a little weight

Baby I don’t care because we all need food on our

plate

Baby I don’t want you thin as paper

Baby I don’t want you thin as a tiny twig

Baby I don’t need you to be picture perfect

But boy I sure do want to be in a picture with you

A picture of me...kissing you

Love,

150

Your Secret Admirer

P.S. I said earlier that sometimes my poetry stinks.

Remember I said “sometimes.” Not all of it stinks.

(Wink and a smile.)

151

[11th anonymous note put in your locker.]

March 14

Title: “Where is She?”

It’s 11 P.M. and I’m looking out my window

Down beneath the reflection of flickering flames

From decorative torches touches the surface of the

pool

Whispering the question

Where is she

You stupid fool?

It’s one A.M. and I’m looking out the window

Up above the stars weave in and out

Filling the night sky and playing with the Milky Way

Faintly echoing the question

Where is she?

Did she lose her way?

Or are you still the fool?

It’s 3 A.M. and I’m searching in my heart

Into the deepest depths and highest heights

In between the throbbing beats that flood my veins

Pumping the question

Where is she?

But the answer is so plain

Because I’m a fool

It’s 5 A.M. and I’m facing the truth

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Buried beneath the distance I keep between us

It’s no good to keep myself, keep myself so far, far

away

Knowing that the answer to the question

Is that she would be here

If I would start a new day

Keeping myself not so far away anymore

But letting her be here

And holding the most precious woman I know close

Close forever

And not just in my heart

Then the whispering flames

Echoing stars

And the throbbing in my veins

Will testify

I’m no longer the fool

Because she’s here

Because I’m here

Because we’re together

And not just in my heart.

Love,

Your Secret Admirer

153

MARCH 17

YOU:

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY! I LIKE THE GREEN

GLITTER RIMMED GLASSES YOU'RE WEARING

TODAY. NICE TOUCH!

WELL, WELL, WELL. GUESS WHO CRASHED A CAR

YESTERDAY WHILE DOING A TEST DRIVE? YES.

THAT WOULD BE ME.

WAS I TEXTING WHILE DRIVING? NO.

WAS I DRIVING DROWSY? NO.

WAS I LOUDLY UNWRAPPING A PEANUT BUTTER

AND JELLY SANDWICH DURING THE QUIET TEST?

NO.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, A DEER CAME JUMPING OUT

OF THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND LITERALLY

JUMPED OVER THE HOOD WHICH SCARED THE

JEEPERS OUT OF ME SO I SWERVED AND

SLAMMED INTO A TABLE OF ENGINEERS THAT RAN

AWAY BEFORE I COULD HIT ANY OF THEM WHILE

SIMULTANEOUSLY PROVING THAT THE TIRES THEY

USE DO IN FACT STOP A FULL TWENTY EIGHT FEET

EARLIER THAN THE COMPETITIONS UNDER SIMILAR

CIRCUMSTANCES.

SO THERE WAS A LESSON TO BE HAD BY ALL.

AND WHAT MIGHT THAT LESSON BE? THAT IT IS

154

NOT NECESSARY TO BE A DISTRACTED DRIVER BY

SLEEPINESS, TEXTING OR UNWRAPPING PEANUT

BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES BECAUSE

NATURE WILL CREATE PLENTY OF OBSTACLES TO

SAFE DRIVING FOR US. MAN NEED NOT CREATE

HIS OWN OBSTACLES TO HIS OWN SAFETY OR

THE SAFETY OF A NEARBY TABLE FULL OF

OBSERVING ENGINEERS.

AFTER THAT MY DAD WANTED TO PULL ME OUT OF

THE TESTING EXPERIENCE FOR GOOD AND HE

ASKED ME WHAT I THOUGHT AND SO I GAVE HIM

THE ONLY LOGICAL REPLY A YOUNG MAN MY AGE

COULD GIVE: “NO WAY! THAT ROCKED! LET’S DO

IT AGAIN!”

MY DAD IS RELUCTANTLY LETTING ME CONTINUE

TEST DRIVING. THE VICE PRESIDENT OF THE CAR

COMPANY PERSONALLY SHOOK MY HAND FOR

PROVING HOW WELL THE TIRES HELD UP SO I

DON’T PLAN ON QUITTING AFTER SOMETHING AS

SMALL AS A LITTLE DEER NEARLY KILLING ABOUT A

DOZEN PEOPLE.

(OKAY. . . SO IT WASN’T A SMALL THING TO

NEARLY DIE. BUT IT ROCKED!)

SO ANYHOO. . . HOW ARE YOU? HOPEFULLY

YOU’RE NOT THINKING OF GETTING A JOB AS A

TEST DRIVER BECAUSE THEN I WOULD STRICTLY

FORBID YOU FROM DOING SO FOR THE SAKE OF

ALL LITTLE DEER AND FAWNS EVERYWHERE. AND

155

FOR THE SAKE OF OBSERVING ENGINEERS.

AND, OF COURSE, I CAN’T FORGET MYSELF – SO

FOR MY SAKES ALSO BECAUSE IT WOULD JUST

TEAR ME UP INSIDE IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED

TO YOU BECAUSE YOU FOLLOWED MY FOOLISH

WAYS BEHIND THE WHEEL.

PLUS I MIGHT BE RATHER UPSET IF YOU BECAME

A TEST DRIVER BECAUSE THEN THEY WOULD HIRE

YOU OVER ME SINCE WOMEN ARE BETTER

DRIVERS THAN MEN ARE. SO STAY AWAY FROM

THE TEST TRACK. I FORBID IT. AND IF YOU DON’T

LIKE MY SAYING THAT THEN JUST WATCH ME . . .

TAKE BACK EVERY LAST WORD I JUST SAID

BECAUSE YOU’RE JUST COOL LIKE THAT.

SOMETIMES I THINK I LIKE YOU TOO MUCH. OR

MAYBE IT’S THE FRUIT CAKE I LIKE TOO MUCH.

NO. . . IT’S YOU.

BY THE WAY, HOW DID YOUR LAST ENGLISH TEST

GO? DID YOU ACE IT? I WOULD SPREAD VICIOUS

RUMORS ABOUT HOW YOU DANGLE YOUR

PARTICIPLES BUT THAT WOULD BE ENTIRELY FALSE

AND I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO SPREAD SUCH

RUMORS WHILE KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE.

SO DID IT GO WELL? I’D OFFER YOU HELP BUT

HOW MUCH HELP CAN I OFFER SOMEONE THAT IS

TAKING ADVANCED COURSES AND IS ONE OF THE

SMARTEST PEOPLE I KNOW? BUT IF THERE IS

156

EVER ANYTHING YOU NEED HELP WITH I’M HERE

FOR YOU. I REALLY DO KNOW A FEW THINGS

ABOUT U.S. HISTORY AND THE SUBJECT OF

“LOVE 101”.

I MENTION THAT BECAUSE I’M WONDERING IF

YOU’RE GOING TO TELL ME IF YOU HAVE A LOVE

LIFE OR WHO’S IN YOUR LOVE LIFE OR THAT “MY

LOVE LIFE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” . . .

BASICALLY NEARLY ANY STATEMENT WITH THE

WORDS “MY LOVE LIFE” IN IT WILL DO. JUST

WONDERING.

HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY TODAY! I

SURVIVED THE ATTACK NINJA DEER SURPRISE SO

I’D HAVE TO SAY I’M HAVING A PRETTY AWESOME

DAY SO FAR.

LATER!

ME

157

[With a single long-stemmed red rose in your

locker you find the 12th anonymous note put in

your locker.]

March 20

You know that I like driving, I love music, I love

the way my heart seems to skip a beat every time

I see you and I’m thinking about actually telling

you who I am sometime soon.

But before I do that, I wanted to tell you something

more, if that’s okay with you. It seems you’ve been

pretty patient with this one way conversation and

that maybe it’s not fair to you to keep up this

mystery so long. In fact, it’s not healthy to have a

string of secret admirer letters and not give you a

voice in the matter where you know who I really am.

At least that’s the way I feel and I would like to

know if you feel the same but that would require me

telling you who I am first and right at this moment

I’m scared to do it.

Please understand, just seeing you face to face sets

my heart aflutter and the idea of actually talking with

you face to face in a way where you actually know

it’s me that’s been giving you these notes is to

imagine world war three within my heart. Right now,

you don’t know who I am and so you can’t reject

me to my face so, in that sense, I’m safe. But there

is a stronger part of me that just can’t help but to

158

tell you.

I’m actually not such a great secret keeper when I

really like someone. When I’m in love, I’m a dead

give away that I absolutely must get to know the

girl that I like and that means to be friends with

her friends. And usually to be friends with her

friends means its inevitable that I’ll be social

enough with everyone involved enough to make

that happen – including being sociable enough

with you. (That should be a huge hint right there

as to who I really am.)

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that, you’ve

seen how ridiculous my writing style is and so

who knows how awkward it might be when I

actually tell you that I am the one that is your

secret admirer.

So please go easy on me. It’s not just that you’re

more beautiful than a moonlit night in the summer

or that the flowers of spring hide their faces in

shame whenever your splendor outshines them as

you come their way or that the very sun itself in all

its rays of glory cannot compare to the human star

that you are – it’s not these things alone.

It’s that your gorgeous beauty is both unsurpassed

by any that have come before you, all that are here

now and whomever will follow and yet every day in

this simple school you bless the masses here

159

with your presence. You bless me and your

presence around me causes me the greatest

bliss I could ever conceive while simultaneously

wracking every nerve within my frame so as to

render me almost entirely helpless to do

something as simple as speak to you with the

honesty of an open heart.

So whenever that day comes, and I am confident

that it will come soon because I’m not sure how

much more of this self-imposed secret I can bear,

please… please be merciful if I am not what you

are interested in. Go easy on me by telling me the

truth and I will live a much happier life away from

you in the truth than if you were to ever hide your

graciousness by a lie that you like me when the

truth is that you may not.

In love, loyalty and torment of heart,

Your Secret Admirer

160

MARCH 26

YOU:

WHAT’S UP? ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD DAY SO

FAR TODAY? I HOPE SO. I’M JUST SITTING HERE

IN CLASS AND TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE FACT

THAT I FINISHED A POP QUIZ EARLY AND THERE’S

NOTHING REALLY LEFT TO DO IN CLASS. SO I’M

WRITING YOU! (NO NEED TO JUMP FOR JOY.

NO. . . REALLY. . . PLEASE STOP. OK . . . I

SUPPOSE YOU CAN JUMP A LITTLE.)

WELL, I’VE GOT SOME NEWS. I’M NOT SURE IF

IT’S GOOD NEWS OR BAD NEWS – HENCE THE

REASON I’M CALLING IT JUST “NEWS.”

YOU KNOW YOUR SECRET ADMIRER GUY? WELL,

THE LATEST WORD IS THAT HE’S DECIDED NOT TO

TELL YOU WHO HE IS BECAUSE HE’S HOPING THAT

YOU’LL LIKE HIM THE WAY HE IS RIGHT NOW AND

SO NOW YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT

TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO HE IS. AND MAYBE

HE WON’T BE WRITING YOU ANYMORE BECAUSE

HE’S GOING TO MAYBE TAKE A NEW APPROACH

IN . . . TRYING TO DATE YOU.

SO, THERE YOU GO. THAT’S THE NEWS. I HOPE

IT’S GOOD NEWS FOR YOU. I MEAN, AFTER ALL,

YOU SEEMED A BIT BEFUDDLED OVER NOT

KNOWING WHO HE WAS AND STUFF SO . . .

161

PROBLEM SOLVED! NOW ONTO OTHER SUBJECTS.

SINCE YOU LIKED THE COOKIES I MADE YOU IN

JANUARY, I DECIDED TO MAKE SOME MORE AND

SO WE CAN CHEW ON THEM AT LUNCH TODAY.

SO GET READY FOR SOME TASTY BONUS TREATS

AT LUNCH LATER! WOOOHOOO!

LATER!

ME

162

CHAPTER 8: THE APRIL CHAPTER

APRIL 3

YOU:

HEY! WHAT’S UP? NO, REALLY. WHAT’S UP? I

DON’T THINK I’VE EVER SEEN YOU SO QUIET

AND . . . ALOOF.

SO . . . WHAT’S UP?

IS SOMETHING WRONG? ANYTHING YOU WANT TO

TALK ABOUT? I WAS GOING TO BRING MY SPECIAL

CAP TO WEAR THAT HELPS ME TO BE

TELEPATHETIC FOR SITUATIONS JUST LIKE THIS

BUT I FORGOT IT AT HOME. SO THIS IS YOUR CUE

TO ACTUALLY SPEAK AND TELL ME WHAT’S ON

YOUR MIND THESE DAYS THAT’S KEEPING

YOU . . . WELL . . . MORE QUIET THAN USUAL.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD NOTE THAT YOUR

QUIETNESS HAS A SORT OF RIPPLE EFFECT IN

THAT WHEN YOU’RE NOT TALKING MUCH IT MAKES

ME WONDER WHAT I SHOULD TALK ABOUT. YOU

KNOW, LIKE, TWO WAY COMMUNICATION STUFF.

IT USUALLY HELPS WHEN BOTH PEOPLE IN A

CONVERSATION ARE ACTUALLY TALKING AS

163

OPPOSED TO ONE TRYING TO READ THE OTHER

PERSON’S MIND AND ANSWER QUESTIONS ON

THEIR BEHALF. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE ANY

SENSE? PROBABLY NOT.

I DON’T ALWAYS MAKE SENSE (IN CASE YOU

HADN’T ALREADY NOTICED). SO THAT MAKES THE

PROBLEMS EVEN WORSE SO I COULD USE YOUR

HELP . . . LIKE AUDIBLY.

ANYHOO . . . I DON’T WANT TO PRESSURE YOU

INTO TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING THAT YOU REALLY

DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT SO YOU JUST KEEP

QUIET UNTIL YOU’RE READY TO TALK ABOUT . . .

WHATEVER . . . AND I’LL BE HERE TO LISTEN AND

GIVE YOU CRAPPY ADVICE – I MEAN GOOD

ADVICE. GOOD ADVICE.

HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY SOMEHOW IF IT

HASN’T TURNED OUT GOOD SO FAR.

LATER,

ME

164

APRIL 10

YOU:

I COULDN’T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT YOU’RE STILL

A BIT QUIET THESE DAYS AND I HAVEN’T SEEN

YOU AS OFTEN AT LUNCH OR AFTER SCHOOL.

YOU’VE GOT ME WORRIED SO I GOT TO THINKING.

MAYBE YOU NEED TO LAUGH. NOTHING HELPS TO

HEAL A HEART QUITE LIKE A GOOD LAUGH DOES.

SO I’LL SHARE WITH YOU ONE OF MY MOST

EMBARRASSING MOMENTS THAT YOU CAN LAUGH

AT.

LAST YEAR I WAS VISITING MY COUSIN OVER

SPRING BREAK. HE HAD INVITED ME TO COME

WITH HIM TO CHURCH THAT SUNDAY SO I SAID

“SURE.”

WELL, JUST AS WE ARRIVED, I NEEDED TO USE

THE RESTROOM SO HE POINTED ME IN THE

DIRECTION OF THE MEN’S ROOM AND TOLD ME

THAT HE WOULD GO ON AHEAD AND SAVE ME A

SEAT IN THE AUDITORIUM WHERE THE SUNDAY

CHURCH SERVICES WOULD BE. HE SHOWED ME

WHICH DOORS TO ENTER TO FIND HIM AFTER I

FINISHED.

WHEN I LEFT THE BATHROOM TO ENTER THE

AUDITORIUM, I LOOKED AND FOUND THAT HE

165

WAS SEATED BUT HE WASN’T ABLE TO FIND

SEATS FOR US TO SIT TOGETHER SO I STARTED

TO LOOK FOR THE NEXT AVAILABLE SPOT.

I FOUND A ROW NEAR THE MIDDLE AND THERE

WAS AN EMPTY SEAT IN THE ROW BUT THE

AVAILABLE SEAT WAS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE SO I

HAD TO STEP OVER AND PAST ABOUT SEVEN

PEOPLE. ONCE I SAT DOWN I NOTICED THAT ALL

OF THE PEOPLE ON MY ROW HAD A BOOK IN

THEIR LAP. I WASN’T SURE WHY AND SO I JUST

SHRUGGED IT OFF.

THEN SOME GUY STOOD UP AND ANNOUNCED

THAT THERE WOULD BE AN OPENING PRAYER AND

THAT THE CHOIR WOULD SING A HYMN FOR ALL

TO ENJOY.

I LEARNED WHY THOSE AROUND ME HAD A BOOK

IN THEIR LAP BECAUSE AFTER THE PRAYER ENDED,

A GUY STOOD IN THE FRONT AND MOTIONED

WITH HIS HANDS FOR THE CHOIR TO STAND UP.

THEN EVERYONE AROUND ME ON MY ROW STOOD

UP.

BUT I JUST SAT THERE. ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AS

MY ROW STOOD UP I REALIZED THAT SEVERAL

ROWS OF PEOPLE BEHIND ME ALSO STOOD UP AT

THE SAME TIME. IT THEN DAWNED ON ME THAT

THE ONLY ROW I COULD FIND A SEAT IN TURNED

OUT TO BE THE FRONT ROW OF THE CHOIR.

166

I DIDN’T WANT TO BE THE ONLY ONE SEATED

WHEN I WAS SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF AN

ENTIRE ROW OF PEOPLE STANDING SO I FINALLY

STOOD UP.

I HAD NO IDEA WHAT SONG WAS BEING SUNG OR

HOW TO SING IT SO I STOOD THERE, NO BOOK IN

HAND AND LIP-SYNCED A SONG WITH A BUNCH

OF PEOPLE I DIDN’T KNOW AND HAD NEVER MET

BEFORE TO AN EVEN LARGER GROUP OF PEOPLE I

DIDN’T KNOW AND HAD NEVER MET BEFORE.

APPARENTLY I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT STOOD

UP LAST AND WORE A BEAT RED FACE WHILE

SINGING A HYMN I HAD NEVER SUNG BEFORE.

AWKWARD. NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT IS AN

EXPERIENCE I WILL NEVER FORGET.

ONE AISLE OVER TO THE RIGHT MY COUSIN

WOULDN’T FORGET IT EITHER BECAUSE HE COULD

NOT STOP LAUGHING.

SO, MOST PEOPLE DON’T SHARE THEIR MOST

EMBARRASSING MOMENTS WITH OTHERS

BECAUSE THEY’RE . . . WELL . . . EMBARRASSING.

BUT I SHARE THAT WITH YOU IF IT WILL PUT A

SMILE BACK ON THAT WONDERFUL FACE OF

YOURS.

SEE YOU LATER!

ME

167

APRIL 16

YOU:

WOW! OKAY. THAT’S A LOT TO ABSORB BUT

JUST WATCH ME BECOME A SUPER SPONGE

AFTER THE CONVERSATION WE JUST HAD THIS

MORNING.

IF I HAD KNOWN WHEN I WOKE UP THIS MORNING

AND MET YOU EARLY BEFORE SCHOOL THAT YOU

WOULD OPEN UP AS YOU DID OVER THIS SECRET

ADMIRER GUY THEN I ASSURE YOU I WOULD’VE

COME MUCH BETTER PREPARED THAN I DID. BUT,

NOW I CAN WRITE YOU AND TRY AND MAKE UP

FOR WHAT I MIGHT CALL A MISSED OPPORTUNITY.

OKAY, SO IF I’VE UNDERSTOOD YOU CORRECTLY,

YOU ACTUALLY MISS THIS GUY’S NOTES – A GUY

THAT YOU AREN’T EVEN SURE WHO HE IS – AND

YET I’M HERE AND WITH YOU AS YOUR FRIEND

AND SOMEHOW THAT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR

YOU (MY WORDS, NOT YOURS – AT LEAST THAT’S

THE IMPRESSION I WALKED AWAY WITH). SO I

PROPOSE THAT WE CHANGE THAT “NOT GOOD

ENOUGH” IMPRESSION.

I PROPOSE THAT WE DATE. I MEAN, AS IN “DATE”

ONE ANOTHER. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

LET ME KNOW! HAPPY EASTER!

168

LATER!

ME

169

APRIL 21

YOU:

SO YOU REALLY DON’T THINK IT’S POSSIBLE FOR

US TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS? YOU REALLY

THINK THAT OUR DATING WILL JUST BE SOME

PASSING PHASE? I BEG TO DIFFER. I’LL SWEEP

YOU OFF YOUR FEET IF YOU’LL JUST LET ME.

I NOTICED YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF YOUR PET

CAT ON YOUR PHONE. INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH,

BEFORE I EVER SAW THAT PICTURE I BECAME

MORE OF A CAT LOVER AND NOT JUST A DOG

LOVER. WHY THE RECENT CHANGE, YOU MIGHT

WONDER?

IT'S AMAZING! WE GUYS LOVE DOGS MORE THAN

CATS BECAUSE CATS WON'T DO WHAT WE WANT

THEM TO BUT DOGS WILL. SO DOGS INDULGE

OUR SELFISH DESIRE TO BE SELF-SERVING AND

CATS TEACH PEOPLE TO BE LESS SELF-SERVING

AND CATER MORE TO ANOTHER'S NEEDS.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE TWO COMPARISONS,

DOG-LOVERS (USUALLY MEN) AND CAT LOVERS

(OFTEN WOMEN) THAT HAS SINCE CAUSED ME TO

LIKE BOTH CATS AND DOGS MORE EQUALLY THAN

TO JUST BE A DOG LOVER.

BUT THAT'S NOT THE ONLY THING WE HAVE IN

170

COMMON THAT COULD MAKE US A GREAT

COUPLE.

YOU DON'T USE STINKY STICKS NOR DO I.

(“STINKY STICKS” ARE ALSO CALLED

CIGARETTES). I CALL THEM THAT BECAUSE

SMOKING MAKES THE SMOKER STINK AND BEING

STINKY IS UGLY – NOT ATTRACTIVE. (USING

STINKY STICKS MAY BE WORSE THAN PEOPLE

THAT USE THE BATHROOM BUT THEN AFTER IT

THEY DON'T SUDS UP THEIR HANDS WITH SOAPY

BUBBLES FOR AT LEAST TWENTY SECONDS

BEFORE RINSING WITH WATER. GROSS! WHICH IS

ALMOST AS BAD AS SOMEONE NOT COUGHING

INTO THEIR ELBOW – ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY

HAVE GONORRHEA OF THE THROAT AS THEIR

“SORE THROAT” VERY SCARY.)

I'VE NOTICED THAT ON THE RARE OCCASIONS

THAT YOU SNEEZE, IF YOU DON'T HAVE A LARGE

TISSUE HANDY, YOU'RE FAST ENOUGH TO SNEEZE

INTO YOUR ELBOW. YOU'RE CLEAN AND SANITARY.

THAT'S FANTASTIC!

I ACTUALLY USE ENOUGH DEODORANT AND

COLOGNE TO SMELL APPEALING TO THOSE

AROUND ME. YOU WEAR PERFUME AND

DEODORANT. SO WE BOTH BELIEVE IN

PREVENTING B.O. AS AIR POLLUTION. THAT'S A

SUPER GREAT THING TO HAVE IN COMMON. (I

ASSUME YOU SHOWER DAILY, AS DO I. AND WE

BOTH DRESS WELL WITHOUT GOING TOTALLY

171

BROKE IN THE PROCESS. THAT'S ANOTHER GOOD

THING.)

BUT BACK TO THE POINT OF MY TAKING YOU ON

A DATE.

I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DON’T KNOW WHY I WOULD

WANT TO DATE YOU. ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT

YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. YOU'RE COOL

ABOUT TALKING ABOUT SPIRITUALITY AND GOD.

YOU DON’T SEE THE WORD “RELIGION” AS

SOMETHING UNCOOL OR SHAMEFUL OR

OFFENSIVE LIKE SOME PEOPLE DO. I LOVE THAT

YOU’RE COOL WITH STUFF LIKE THAT!

AFTER ALL, I BASICALLY ASKED YOU A WEEK AGO

IF YOU WANTED TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH ME

AND THE ONLY REPLY FROM YOU THAT I CAUGHT,

IF I UNDERSTOOD YOU CORRECTLY, WAS “YOU

HAVEN’T ACTUALLY ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE.”

OR, IN OTHER WORDS, I DIDN’T INVITE YOU TO A

SPECIFIC DATE, AS IN, A SPECIFIC ACTIVITY FOR A

SET DATE AND TIME.

SO NOW I SAY, OKAY. LET’S GO OUT THIS

FRIDAY. I’D LIKE TO TAKE YOU OUT TO GO CHECK

OUT THE MUSEUM OF FINE ARTS AND THEN WE

CAN GO OUT TO EAT A NICE DINNER AND THEN

I’LL TAKE YOU HOME.

YOU HALF-CHUCKLED THAT YOU WOULDN’T EVEN

172

KNOW WHAT A DATE WITH ME WOULD LOOK LIKE.

YOU SAID WE’VE BEEN SO MUCH LIKE FRIENDS

SO FAR THAT YOU COULDN’T EVEN IMAGINE WHAT

A DATE WITH ME WOULD LOOK LIKE. SO ALLOW

ME TO HELP YOU OUT WITH THAT ONE.

THE CAR I WORKED FOR FOUR YEARS TO PAY FOR

IS A GLOSS BLACK LUXURY SEDAN WITH A

MIRROR TINTED MOON ROOF. IT’S ABOUT THREE

YEARS OLD BUT IT’S IN EXCELLENT CONDITION

AND IS NOT ONLY AN ELEGANT SIGHT TO LOOK

AT, BUT IT’S ALSO ONE OF THE MOST RELIABLE

BRANDS AND SAFEST MODELS AROUND.

I WOULD PICK YOU UP JUST AS THE SUN SETS

AND I WOULD BE WELL DRESSED AND WEAR A

NICE COLOGNE THAT BOTH OF US ENJOY. I

WOULD OPEN THE PASSENGER SIDE DOOR FOR

YOU TO SEAT YOU COMFORTABLY BEFORE I GET

BEHIND THE WHEEL (JUST AS A TRUE GENTLEMAN

SHOULD).

THEN WE WOULD MAKE OUR WAY TRAVELING

DOWN THE HIGHWAY AT THE PROPER SPEED LIMIT

OF SIXTY-FIVE MILES AN HOUR WITH THE SCENERY

ALL AROUND US OF MODERN BUILDINGS

REFLECTING VARIOUS COLORS OF THE SUNSET

AND OTHER BUILDING LIGHTS AND STREET LIGHTS

AS THE NIGHT BEGINS TO FALL ALL ACROSS THE

CITY.

SOME OF THE MOST CLASSY AND ROMANTIC

MUSIC YOU COULD IMAGINE WILL BE PLAYING

173

SMOOTHLY THROUGH THE CUSTOM EIGHT

HUNDRED DOLLAR STEREO SURROUND SPEAKER

SYSTEM IN MY CAR. THE TEMPERATURE IN THE

CAR WILL BE EXACTLY TO YOUR LIKING – NOT TOO

HOT, NOT TOO COLD.

WHEN I PARK AT THE MUSEUM I'LL PARK RIGHT BY

SOME BEAUTIFUL BLOSSOMS OF FLOWERING

SHRUBS THAT SHOW OFF THE ELEGANT

LANDSCAPING THAT SURROUNDS THE MUSEUM

AND PARKING LOTS (UNLESS YOU'RE ALLERGIC.

AND IF THAT'S THE CASE, MAYBE WE SHOULD

PICK A DATE ACTIVITY THAT'S TOTALLY INDOORS

ALL NIGHT).

ONCE WE ARRIVE AT THE MUSEUM, AS WE ENTER

THROUGH THE TALL GLASS DOORS WE’LL SEE

SIGNS ALL AROUND ADVERTISING THE CURRENT

EXHIBIT. I’LL HAVE OUR TICKETS IN HAND AND

YOU’RE WELCOME TO KEEP YOUR TICKET STUB

AFTER WE ENTER IF YOU WANT IT AS

MEMORABILIA FOR LATER.

THERE WILL BE VARIOUS PEOPLE ALREADY THERE

LOOKING AT THE EXHIBITS AND MAYBE WE’LL

EVEN HEAR A FEW “OOOHS” AND “AHH’S”

QUIETLY MUMBLED FROM OTHERS FROM TIME TO

TIME. AND ALTHOUGH MOST WILL BE “OOH-ING”

AND “AHH-ING” OVER THE VARIOUS EXHIBITS,

SOME MAY DO SO OVER YOU BECAUSE THEY SEE

YOU AS A BEAUTIFUL WORK OF ART TOO. (AND

WHO CAN BLAME THEM?)

174

WE’LL THEN GO TO A RESTAURANT THAT SERVES

FOODS THAT YOU WON’T HAVE ANY ALLERGIC

REACTIONS TO BECAUSE NO BEE STINGERS WILL

BE ON THE MENU (I CHECKED IN ADVANCE) AND

THEN WE’LL GO HOME. NICE, HUH?

SO ARE YOU READY? WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?

I CAN PICK YOU UP AT 7 PM THIS FRIDAY AND I’LL

WIN THE “BEST DATE OF THE YEAR” AWARD FROM

YOUR PARENTS BECAUSE I’LL MAKE SURE YOU’RE

BACK HOME SAFE AND SOUND BY ABSOLUTELY

NO LATER THAN 11 PM.

SO IF YOU CAN IMAGINE ALL OF THAT, I’LL SEE

YOU AT 7 PM THIS FRIDAY. DEAL?

LATER,

ME

175

APRIL 29

YOU:

I’VE NEVER BEEN STOOD UP BEFORE UNTIL THE

FRIDAY OF WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR

DATE. YOUR MOM SAID YOU HAD CHANGED YOUR

MIND BUT SHE DIDN’T SAY WHY. AND SINCE YOU

SEEM TO BE AVOIDING ME IN THE HALLS AND AT

LUNCH I’LL ASK YOU, “WHY?”

WHY DID YOU CANCEL WITH ME FRIDAY WITHOUT

EVEN TELLING IT TO MY FACE? WHY DOES IT SEEM

LIKE YOU’RE AVOIDING ME?

DID SOMEONE TELL YOU THAT I SMACK MY LIPS

LOUDLY WHILE EATING AT RESTAURANTS? DID

SOMEONE TELL YOU THAT I HAVE A TENDENCY TO

BRING MY VERY OWN SILLY STRAW WITH ME TO

DRINK WITH AT DINNER? DID SOMEONE TELL YOU

THAT I PREFER TO MAKE UP A FOREIGN LANGUAGE

AS I ORDER JUST TO CONFUSE THE WAITER?

WELL IF ANYONE HAS TOLD YOU ANY OF THOSE

THINGS THEN JUST KNOW THAT THOSE ARE ALL

LIES; VISCOUS RUMORS SPREAD BY PEOPLE WHO

HAVE GONE OUT WITH ME TO DINNER BEFORE

AND OBSERVED MY DOING SIMILAR THINGS THAT

THEY THEN EXAGGERATED THROUGH THE EVILS OF

DATING GOSSIP.

176

AND IF ANYONE TOLD YOU TO MAKE SURE I’M

NOT ACTUALLY A SUPER CREEPY GUY BY MAKING

SURE YOU READ GAVIN DE BECKER’S BOOK “THE

GIFT OF FEAR” BEFORE GOING OUT WITH ME OR

ANY OTHER GUY, THEN YOU SHOULD ALREADY

KNOW I’M A GOOD GUY TO GO OUT WITH. THAT

BOOK MAY GIVE GREAT ADVICE AS TO HOW TO

KNOW WHEN A GUY IS TRYING TO TRICK YOU TO

HARM YOU BUT YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW I

WOULD NEVER TRY TO TRICK YOU ON A DATE TO

HARM YOU ON A DATE OR AT ANY OTHER TIME.

AND I’M NOT TRYING TO SAY I’M AFRAID OF YOU

READING THAT BOOK EITHER. IN FACT, GO ON

AHEAD AND READ IT. THEN YOU’LL SEE I DON’T

FIT THE DESCRIPTION OF ANY OF THE CREEPY

STORIES ABOUT CREEPY GUYS THAT HURT GIRLS

AND WOMEN.

SO I’M PRETTY SURE I’M A SAFE DATE TO GO

OUT WITH. NOT THAT I’VE EVER DATED MYSELF, I

MEAN . . . NOT THAT I WOULD DATE MYSELF – I

MEAN . . . NOT THAT I WOULDN’T DATE

MYSELF. . . I MEAN . . . OH, FOR CRYING OUT

LOUD! YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

LOOK. I’M JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU. ABOUT

OUR FRIENDSHIP.

SO PLEASE, JUST TELL ME. ARE YOU OKAY? ARE

WE OKAY? ARE THINGS STILL COOL BETWEEN US?

177

BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE THINGS AREN’T COOL

AND I’D LIKE TO FIX ANYTHING THAT YOU THINK

NEEDS FIXING. AND I CAN’T FIX THINGS VERY WELL

IF I DON’T KNOW HOW IT GOT BROKEN IN THE

FIRST PLACE. I’M WILLING TO MAN UP AND ADMIT

THAT MAYBE I’M AT FAULT FOR SOMETHING. I

JUST NEED TO KNOW HOW YOU THINK I’M AT

FAULT OR HOW I SCREWED UP WITH US IF YOU

THINK I DID.

PLEASE TALK TO ME.

SEE YOU LATER (HOPEFULLY),

ME

178

CHAPTER 9: THE MAY CHAPTER

MAY 7

YOU:

I GOT YOUR NOTE AND I’M PRETTY SURE I KNOW

WHAT YOU MEAN WHEN YOU SAY, YOU “JUST

NEED SOME TIME TO THINK.” SO YOU’RE STILL

NOT TALKING TO ME.

IS THIS SOME KIND OF HIDDEN “PRIDE AND

PREJUDICE” THING GOING ON LIKE IN BETWEEN

THE LINES? AM I SUPPOSED TO BE MR. DARCY

OR SOMETHING? BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE I’M

A HECK OF A LOT FUNNIER THAN MR. DARCY. (I

WOULD ALSO ADD THAT I’M BETTER LOOKING

THAN HIM BUT I HAVEN’T SEEN A PICTURE OF THE

GUY AND I’M NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT YOUR

TYPE IS.)

I KNOW THIS ISN’T A “BEAUTY AND THE BEAST”

THING BECAUSE NEITHER ONE OF US IS A BEAST.

I KNOW THIS ISN’T A “WUTHERING HEIGHTS”

THING BECAUSE IF I HAD SOMEHOW

ACCIDENTALLY WANDERED INTO SUCH A SCENE

I’D LIKELY BE MUNCHING ON S’MORES AND

179

CLEARLY OUT OF PLACE AS I WOULD ASK ANY

AND ALL PASSERS BY WHERE THE NEAREST EXIT

TO THAT STORY IS. “UMMM . . . EXCUSE ME...

HOW DO I GET OUT OF HERE? I MEAN, CLEARLY,

I’M OUT OF PLACE HERE. IN FACT, I DON’T EVEN

KNOW HOW I GOT HERE.”

AND WITH THE STRANGE LOOKS I WOULD GET

FROM OTHERS ACCUSTOMED TO BEING IN THAT

STORY I WOULD HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF BY

QUICKLY ADDING, “I’M NOT DRUNK, OKAY? I JUST

WANT TO KNOW HOW TO GET OUT OF HERE.”

AND THE STRANGE LOOKS WOULD CONTINUE AND

PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY JUST RUN AWAY

LEAVING ME STUCK IN THIS STORY OF MISERY

AND HEARTACHE.

(MAYBE I SHOULD BE CAREFUL WHAT I WRITE

HERE SO I DON’T CONSEQUENTLY FIND MYSELF IN

SOMETHING MORE LIKE A BROTHER’S GRIMM

TALE.)

AT ANY RATE, I KIND OF FEEL LOST IN A STORY

WHERE I’M PRETTY SURE I SHOULD KNOW THE

PLOT BUT YOUR SILENCE CAUSES IT TO ELUDE

ME. IF YOU WANT TO TALK, YOU CAN FIND ME AT

LUNCH BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO IF YOU DON’T

WANT TO.

LATER,

ME

180

MAY 13

YOU:

HOW ARE YOU? OBVIOUSLY YOU KNOW THAT WE

HAVEN’T TALKED IN AWHILE BUT I GOT YOUR

THANK YOU NOTE FOR THE PLATE OF COOKIES I

BROUGHT FOR YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIENDS AT

LUNCH.

IT SEEMS LIKE MAYBE YOU WON’T BE SITTING

WITH ME AT LUNCH ANYMORE AND I CAN HANDLE

THAT (AFTER ALL, IT’S BEEN TWO WEEKS SINCE

WE’VE EATEN TOGETHER ALTHOUGH I PREFER WE

STILL ATE AS FRIENDS). I DON’T WANT TO BE A

THIRD WHEEL WITH YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIENDS

SO I’VE DECIDED TO SIT WITH THE GUYS I’M

STUDYING SCIENCE WITH.

BUT IF YOU EVER WANT TO JUST HANG OUT

AFTER SCHOOL SOMETIME, YOU KNOW HOW TO

REACH ME.

HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY TODAY!

LATER,

ME

181

MAY 17

YOU:

I WAS SURPRISED TO GET YOUR NOTE

YESTERDAY. AM I ANGRY WITH YOU? NOT AT ALL.

IF YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK WITH ME, IT’S A

FREE COUNTRY SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO. YOU

ALSO ASKED “DOES IT SEEM STRANGE THAT I

LIKE SOME SECRET ADMIRER I’VE NEVER MET?”

NOT REALLY.

YOU LIKE THIS SECRET ADMIRER GUY BECAUSE

APPARENTLY SOMETHING IN HIS NOTES REALLY

“CLICKS” WITH YOU. BUT MAYBE HE STOPPED

WRITING YOU AS A SECRET ADMIRER BECAUSE

HE’S A DECENT GUY THAT DOESN’T WANT THIS TO

BE LIKE THOSE CREEPY GUYS ON THE INTERNET

THAT APPROACH YOU ONLINE (RED FLAG #1) AND

HAVE ALL OF THESE NICE THINGS TO SAY TO YOU,

ALL OF THESE ROMANTIC THINGS (RED FLAG #2)

AND THEN THEY CONVINCE YOU THAT MEETING

THEM FACE TO FACE IS A SAFE IDEA EVEN

THOUGH THEIR MAIN GOAL IS TO EVENTUALLY GET

YOU TOTALLY ALONE WITH THEM – LEADING YOU

AWAY FROM ANY PUBLIC PLACE SO NO ONE ELSE

SEES WHAT THEY ARE ABOUT TO DO TO YOU (RED

FLAG #3) SINCE THEY ULTIMATELY TURN OUT TO

BE VIOLENT CRIMINALS THAT KIDNAP YOU, RAPE

OR KILL YOU.

182

SO JUST STICK TO ASSOCIATING WITH REAL

GOOD GUYS THAT DON'T TRY TO LURE YOU TO BE

ALONE WITH THEM TO HARM YOU. YOUR

INTUITION WOULD GIVE YOU A BAD FEELING THAT

MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT WHERE A

BAD GUY IS LEADING YOU. LISTEN TO AND

FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION MORE THAN WHAT THEY

SAY TO YOU AND YOU'LL HAVE BETTER CHANCES

FOR STAYING SAFE.

YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW WHO YOUR SECRET

ADMIRER REALLY IS. SO I CAN TELL YOU THAT

HE’S NOT A CREEP BUT HE IS ACTUALLY A REALLY

GOOD GUY. BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT HE WANTS

TO HAVE A LESS SECRETIVE SIDE TO THE WHOLE

GETTING-TO-KNOW YOU COURTSHIP THING.

IN OTHER WORDS, I THINK HE FIGURED THAT HE

NEEDS TO BE LESS SECRETIVE WITH HIS NOTES

TO YOU SO THAT MAYBE YOU’LL LIKE HIM FOR

WHO HE REALLY IS WITHOUT HAVING TO HAVE

SECRET, ROMANTIC NOTES BEING SLIPPED INTO

WHAT SHOULD BE THE PRIVACY OF YOUR

LOCKER. (I MEAN, REALLY. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS

SOMEBODY ELSE DOING IN YOUR LOCKER? THAT

REALLY ISN’T A “NORMAL” WAY TO COURT

SOMEONE.)

BUT YOU CAN LIKE WHOMEVER YOU WANT AND

YOU CAN BE MY FRIEND OR NOT. (OR BE MORE

THAN MY FRIEND AS THE DATING OFFER STILL

183

STANDS. I’D STILL LIKE TO TAKE YOU TO DINNER

SOMETIME – IF YOU WON’T STAND ME UP THIS

TIME.)

JUST THINK ABOUT IT. HE’S A GOOD GUY THAT’S

TRYING TO BE LESS CREEPY IN HOW HE PURSUES

POSSIBLY DATING YOU MORE “OUT IN THE OPEN.”

AND I STILL WOULD LIKE TO TAKE YOU OUT ON A

DATE SOMETIME.

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

LATER,

ME

184

MAY 21

YOU:

I GIVE UP. I’M GOING TO TALK TO HIM AND SEE IF

I CAN PERSUADE HIM TO TELL YOU WHO HE IS.

JUST REMEMBER. YOU’RE THE ONE THAT WANTED

TO KNOW. YOU’RE THE ONE THAT PUSHED HIM TO

TELL YOU. SO IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE

– IF HE TELLS YOU – THEN IT WON’T BE ALL HIS

FAULT. AND IF YOU FIND THAT HE’S NOT THE

PERSON YOU HAD HOPED FOR . . . PLEASE LET

HIM DOWN EASY.

LATER,

ME

185

[ Last anonymous note put in your locker.]

May 27

I understand you want to meet me face to face and

know once and for all who I am.

Your wish will be granted.

Meet me at Venus Park across from the fountain this

Thursday May 30th at 4 pm and I’ll be there with a

heart that beats just for you. It's a public park so there

should be plenty of other people there if you have any

safety concerns (as most smart girls like yourself

wisely do).

I’ll be wearing a purple shirt, a black n white checkered

tie, dark jeans and black and white checkered tennis

shoes and there will be a very large sign of my love for

you. (Don’t worry. I usually dress much better at

school. I just want to make sure my outfit is unique

enough so you know you’re meeting the right guy.

Plus my black-n-white checkered clothes will match

your super cool Alex Opalstone back pack.)

Love,

Your Secret Admirer

…Bleating out light filled with…

186

[You go to Venus Park and look for him across from

the fountain. Several other people are there. Some

people are throwing Frisbees and walking dogs.

Others are having a picnic. As you stand there looking

around for him, suddenly you see a large twenty foot

wide canvas poster drop down like a large scroll

opening to reveal a message with large print that

cascades down at least thirty feet. The print is being

typed live and projected onto the screen in real time. It

reads:]

May 30

“Simply Because”

Come with me and I’ll show you night skies of

Stars that grow the reddest roses

Their long stems of light

Dipping their fragrant petals that bloom and grow

Into earth’s gravity they gently flow

While spilling earthbound bulbs of fire into the night

I’m being careful to avoid the thorny paths of lust

Fearing to awaken within you

The lion that slumbers in your soul

Roaring out power greater than

A stormy ocean out of control

Only for it to switch places

With the lamb awakening within my own

Bleating out light

187

Filled with songs of peace we’d once known

Being reborn between the mountain of your virtue

And the lake of your love

I’ll watch for the snowfall of our start

To melt into the replenishment

For the reservoirs of my heart

Will nourish the growing timbers of tenderness

That steep themselves in the

Heaven sent rains of peace and light

Throughout the forest of our love

As birds sing a celebratory chorus by flight

Sometimes the world within my heart is

As a volcano that shoots out

The whitest light

Spilling lava that freezes

Into a sea of glass

That receives the suns rays

Translating the bright white into sparkling colors of

the rainbow

For more heavenly days

And yet sometimes my soul

Peers out of the window to watch

As the stars shimmer across the ocean in the night

The two worlds blend

Sinking the light of the stars to swim

Through the ocean deep

Awakening a part of my soul

Once buried by sleep

188

Passing swimming stars reveal the liquid purple fire

That hides in the black coral reef

Not far from the glowing fluorescent mists

That court a new belief

That the shadows in the seas of a night ruled by lust

Drown out every lightning rod of righteous desire

So I must use all of my brawn

Along with prayerful help from heaven’s love

To draw the stars back to their proper places in the

night sky above

Long before the last night wind

Ushers in the dawn.

Come with me and I’ll show you all of this

A preliminary to what may be our first kiss

But only if this is what you truly wish

But all of these written imaginations

Cannot compare to the wondrous, beautiful reality of

creation

When God created you

Because your beauty like the fire

purifies my every desire

In the flickering of your flame

Drives within me my rush to tame

The lion of my lust

For your loveliness is indeed worthy

189

Even the worth of your very soul so great

The Lamb of Love shields you and guards you

with the most unbreakable breastplate heaven has to

offer

From the highest treasures of its protective coffers

Yes – Your body, your face, your eyes

Are picture perfect brought to life

That will grace the heart and soul

Of the man who someday you give the privileged

honor

To call you his beloved wife

Yes, I repeat

With every heartbeat

Your body, your face, your eyes

Are picture perfect brought to life

That will grace the heart and soul

Of the man who someday you give the privileged

honor

To call you his beloved wife

And in the depths of these my feelings

The question my heart keeps beating is

Will you say “I do”

Feel enough of the same for me

And all of this

Even without a first kiss

Simply because

I love you?

190

CHAPTER 10: THE JUNE CHAPTER

JUNE 1

YOU:

WELL, YOU GAVE ME YOUR ANSWER. TO TELL YOU

THE TRUTH I WASN’T SURE IF I SHOULD JUST

COME OUT FROM BEHIND THE SCREEN OR TO

TYPE MY NAME TO TELL YOU IT WAS ME. BUT

THANKFULLY AS THE CURSOR REMAINED NEXT TO

THE QUESTION MARK AND BEGAN TO BLINK, YOU

MADE THE BOLD CHOICE TO SEE WHO WAS

BEHIND THE SCENES OF THIS LOVER’S

MASQUERADE.

WHEN YOU WALKED UP BEHIND ME I’M SURE IT

WAS OBVIOUS TO YOU HOW NERVOUS I WAS AS

I PAUSED AND STARED ANXIOUSLY AT MY LAPTOP

SCREEN. IF I HAD KNOWN THEN THAT WHAT WAS

COMING NEXT WOULD BE THE GREATEST FIRST

KISS OF MY LIFE THEN I WOULD HAVE COME OUT

SOONER.

SO AS WE BEGIN THIS NEW CHAPTER OF OUR

LIVES

I WILL FOREVER LOOK FORWARD

TO THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYES

191

OF A LOVE THAT’S TRUE

AND SOMEDAY I WILL ASK SOMEONE THAT IS A

LOT LIKE YOU

THE IMPORTANT QUESTION THAT CARRIES A RING

A RING THAT SOUNDS LIKE “WILL YOU MARRY

ME?”

BUT UNTIL THE TIME IS RIGHT, FOR ME AND FOR

YOU

THE QUESTION OF “WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO WITH

ME TO THE PROM

OR OUT TO DINNER AND A MOVIE WITH ME AGAIN

FRIDAY NIGHT?”

WILL HAVE TO DO.

YES, SOMEDAY I WILL ASK

OF A LOVE THAT’S TRUE

“WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

AND MAYBE SOMEDAY I WILL ASK THAT

. . . HOPEFULLY TO YOU.

LOVE,

YOUR NOT SO SECRET ADMIRER: ME

The End

Thank you for reading my ebook. Not many authors can claim

their book has been downloaded over 1,000,000 times but I'm

looking forward to seeing that happen for me thanks to more

readers like you telling friends and family how much you love this

ebook. Thanks for enjoying spreading words of praise about this

beloved free ebook. - Q. T. Valentine

192

Cast of Characters

ME = A GUY YOU KNOW WHO YOU SEE AS A TEEN

HEARTTHROB AT YOUR SCHOOL.

YOU = YOU (A FEMALE THAT ATTENDS HIGH

SCHOOL WITH ME).

Your Secret Admirer = ME (BUT YOU DON’T KNOW

IT’S REALLY ME UNTIL YOU KNOW IT’S ME).

193

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

WHO IS Q. T. VALENTINE? SOMEONE WHO HAS

RECEIVED MANY LOVE LETTERS AND WRITTEN

MANY LOVE LETTERS AND HAS COME AWAY

LEARNING THAT NO MATTER HOW GOOD LOOKING

SOMEONE IS, NO MATTER HOW CONFIDENT OR

POPULAR, EVERYONE HAS HIS AND HER OWN

INSECURITIES IN LOVE WHICH ARE BOUND TO

EMERGE AT SOME POINT FOR THE PURPOSE OF

EMOTIONAL GROWTH AND SECURING MATURE

RESOLUTIONS FOR GREATER HARMONY AND

UNITY IN LOVE BEFORE WE MOVE ONTO THE

HEAVENLY DAYS THAT CAN COME IN WHAT MOST

OF US CALL THE “HAPPILY EVER AFTER” ENDING.

194

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Table of Contents

CHAPTER 1: THE SEPTEMBER CHAPTER

CHAPTER 2: THE OCTOBER CHAPTER

CHAPTER 3: THE NOVEMBER CHAPTER

CHAPTER 4: THE DECEMBER CHAPTER

CHAPTER 5: THE JANUARY CHAPTER

CHAPTER 6: THE FEBRUARY CHAPTER

CHAPTER 7: THE MARCH CHAPTER

CHAPTER 8: THE APRIL CHAPTER

CHAPTER 9: THE MAY CHAPTER

CHAPTER 10: THE JUNE CHAPTER